i want everyone to feel guilty for my death for the rest of their lives.

[allforwon]

has anyone else thought of leaving a note filled with hatred to make other people feel guilt of your death for the rest of their lives...? let me elaborate.

i dont wanna leave cheesy & sugarcoated notes behind like "this is nobody's fault", "i'm free now", etc etc. NO! i wanna blame everyone and say "it's all your fault that i did this, yes you couldve done smth but you didnt so now you have to live with this for the rest of your life." i want to haunt them forever. i don't care about them. they ruined my life.

but at the same time, having this much hatred in my life keeps me alive. i think ill decide to end myself when i stop having these thoughts? or... idk. lets see what the future holds.

 

[killorbekilled]

That's a normal feeling. It gives me comfort sometimes thinking if people with feelings guilt and horror over the fact I kmsed. It's only a dream though, I don't think anyone will care about my death.

 

[Golemishna]

No, that's cruel

 

[SVEN]

Everyone ? Truly ?

 

[coolgal82]

ngl not quite the same but in my note i've put some "fuck you" messages lmao to people i hate. i would put more but some of them havent even done anything specifically wrong i just hate them cus my brain decided so and like ,while the hate is real i cant just put them in there for no reason yknow?

 

[iamanavalanche]

lol id totally love to do that personally

 

[nextstepdeath]

I feel the same way. Some people actually achieve it. Maybe I will too, most likely not.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Not really. I just want people to forget about me.

 

[DeathSleep]

Sometimes I want a certain someone to at least feel a little bad for how she last treated me. I want to be forgotten but if people do remember me I don't want them to think of me as a hate filled person and I don't want to give my power away to other people by bringing them up anyways. It takes too much effort and isn't worth my time. Interestingly enough saying nothing about her at all in my note will probably hurt her more although it is not my intention.

 

[FadingSentinel]

I get it, especially if it's towards people that hurt you interntionally. But I hope you won't take it out on people who don't truly deserve that hate.

 

[alienfreak]

I feel exactly the opposite and think it will just lead to more suffering. It seems likely to be a mistake borne from misguided pain. But i see it as a valid thing to do; your life, your death and your choice

 

[fairygirl184]

i kinda feel you. i have a list in my notes app (that friends and my mum are aware of, although i think they think it's lighthearted. it isnt) detailing whos not welcome at my funeral. if thats respected, itll truly be my last fuck you. especially to my dad and other family thats made it on there

 

[allforwon]

Everyone ? Truly ?

okay maybe its a little bit exaggerated... maybe not everyone

ngl not quite the same but in my note i've put some "fuck you" messages lmao to people i hate. i would put more but some of them havent even done anything specifically wrong i just hate them cus my brain decided so and like ,while the hate is real i cant just put them in there for no reason yknow?

thats so real haha sometimes idk if the person is actually horrible or maybe its just my sensitive brain thinking that way

 

[allforwon]

I get it, especially if it's towards people that hurt you interntionally. But I hope you won't take it out on people who don't truly deserve that hate.

of course <33 theres some people who have truly helped me in life + made my lifespan a bit longer :-) ill make sure to haunt them in a good way LOL

 

[wastingpotential]

No, that's cruel

it's also pretty cruel to be hurt so much you're driven to even considering suicide though

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

Yes, they have to at least feel a tiny bit of how much they hurt me!

 

[astr4]

i get it OP, your feelings in this matter are valid even if maybe healthy people don't agree. most people don't want to ctb for no reason. i'm sorry that people in your life have let you down so immensely.

 

[grungy自殺]

Not by much...

Although parts of me retrains hated for certain people and those that betrayed me and even those that barely help or cared for me at a time when i'm in serious pain when i really need it.

And yet... i can;t really bring myself to say that it's anyone's fault for putting and making me feel the way i am.

Because that, all leads to life...

Life is a problem, and it's the root cause of me feeling the way i am and especially since i was born with a mental disability that makes it hard for me to understand and discern aspects of life around me since the condition makes it seem i'm in my own world and the world around me is all but just made for myself.

In the ctb note that i would write (and i will say that it'll be more than a page and i'm not gonna say how many) i would go on about the intricacies of life and how living is a curse, that i would refuse to believe at that point (if people were to caught on into my struggles) in the following years that i've lived that there's some kind of hope to be hope or light and whatever the analogy and plethora amounts of platitudes that they give to me. I would say that it's no longer sustainable to go on and that the issues i have develop are no longer possible to manage and my mind won't change on that.

hardly i can't say it's a single person's fault for all of this. But i wouldn't mind to not mince words.

Like if i had to pinpoint a specific person that i would want to make guilty, it's my own mother.

And although she has a kind heart and she is one of most benevolent people that many would say to me and my own family about her.

She was the one that brought me into this.. world.. (And yeah, that's result of an ideology that i follow now) a place of suffering.

A world that wasn't made for someone like me..

She didn't quite knew how to deal with me for awhile (and that includes my siblings on them dealing with me when tasked by my mom) and it's only when i was around 13 that my mind finally woke up and my mental capacity was lagging behind amongist the folks of me in school...

 

[Morte]

People who ruined my life are unlikely to feel guilty about my ctb. I just wish I could make their life just fucking garbage.

 

[EmptyEater]

If you go in the offensive like that odds are it will fall on deaf ears or have the opposite effect.

I actually have the opposite problem, wanting to live out of spite for specific people.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

No, I don't care about those that messed me up.

They won't give a shit when you're gone, they will probably wallow in it, because that's the type of people they are.. seriously. Do not think they will care, it will be the OPPOSITE.

People won't suddenly give a shit just because you're dead. More than likely they will fake it, but won't give it a second thought - why would a piece of shit care about you? See what I'm saying? Abusers don't care. They are incapable of doing so, hence... abusive people?

Good luck though

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I've used to want my parents to feel guilty over my death but, honestly, I've decided that my death itself would cause them enough suffering so I will write to them a sugarcoated note