I waited too long

[goldenholding003]

I have tried several times over my almost 30 years on this planet. I've been making peace with others and my writing and recording my goodbyes to people. I know others will hate it judge me because I have 4 small children but being their mom is not going to save anyone anything. I used to think it was better to try and stay but I can see the pain and struggles they have to go through with having a mom who is reckless, sad and waiting for the end. I don't want to become an Andrea Yates dude. I also know my husband will be happier without the stress of me having severe meltdowns . No one can sacrifice the time or endure the inconvenience of me going to inpatient like I need and this house and life is a freaking prison. I'm fairly certain I've worked out the kinks and I know I have for sure burned through all of my strength. I've written and recorded all of my goodbyes but i know they won't ever show them to my children. My oldest is 11 and my youngest is almost 3. I fucked up and hate that I have to bring them pain but at least this way I am not adding layers. I have borderline personality disorder and so I know I won't be better and that I will likely pass it on. I can't do it anymore dude

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering. I understand it is hard to carry on when you cannot take anymore. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Mashedout]

If ANYONE had children, you don't get to take the easier way out afterwards. You made a decision, forced other beings to suffer here for your entertainment, and now you want to bounce causing them even more suffering?! It's just unacceptable, plain and simple. Find other coping mechanisms to keep doing the job you signed up for. Try them all, every last one. Ask for more help after that. Do anything besides dump those problems onto them, they don't deserve it.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

I have tried several times over my almost 30 years on this planet. I've been making peace with others and my writing and recording my goodbyes to people. I know others will hate it judge me because I have 4 small children but being their mom is not going to save anyone anything. I used to think it was better to try and stay but I can see the pain and struggles they have to go through with having a mom who is reckless, sad and waiting for the end. I don't want to become an Andrea Yates dude. I also know my husband will be happier without the stress of me having severe meltdowns . No one can sacrifice the time or endure the inconvenience of me going to inpatient like I need and this house and life is a freaking prison. I'm fairly certain I've worked out the kinks and I know I have for sure burned through all of my strength. I've written and recorded all of my goodbyes but i know they won't ever show them to my children. My oldest is 11 and my youngest is almost 3. I fucked up and hate that I have to bring them pain but at least this way I am not adding layers. I have borderline personality disorder and so I know I won't be better and that I will likely pass it on. I can't do it anymore dude

I'm sorry. What you are going through is precisely the reason why I told my ex that his willingness to donate his sperm to me will nor resolve my issues..

I hope you can come to the peace you need. Thinking of you, fellow comrade in BPD.

 

[Alec]

It must be so hard for you, I am so sorry, I'm sending you hugs