miles-away
Member
- May 13, 2025
- 9
Last september I entered my first relationship at 21 with an ex coworker and now ex boyfriend. It was both our first relationship. And it was a mess on either side. He told me he loved me on the first date and immediately declared me his girlfriend. In retrospect, he was an immature, porn-addicted loser who lovebombed me to hell and back. And I saw that even at the time. But my "love" for him was so blinding, I just pushed it to the side and asked god for forgiveness for thinking such things. He hinted at marriage, at having children, at being together for a while. And I believed him. And I was ready to retool my life around him.
The relationship ended a little after 3 months, January of this year. He tried to ghost me, I refused to take the hint and than found out he unsuccessfully tried to cheat on me with his coworker. After learning that, I torched any chance of reconciliation of us and felt physically ill after the break-up for months. Every-time I reached out to him I got blocked. I thought of him everyday for a month and half. I almost joined the police academy for him because he's a police officer and I thought I might have the chance to see him and win him back.
It wasn't until I met my now boyfriend that the reality of my past relationship sunk in. And now I'm utterly obsessed with him. We met in person but the next week he had to move to another state for work. The first night we met I tried to sleep with him. And in that week, we established our selves as exclusive. He has been in relationships before and even said we were moving at lightning pace. From what he's told me, I get the sense he isn't the type that likes being single. We've been long-distance for about 2 months now.
Our relationship isn't totally founded on loneliness and boredom. We actually have quite a lot in common. I don't feel the need to pretend around him like I did for my ex. He calls me (almost) every night. We talk for hours. I wait for his call. And just like in my last relationship, my life has become circled around him. Around the hypothetical future we have together. I'm so obsessed with him and I can't do anything after work. I just wait, wait, wait for his call and get nothing done. I spend all day in agony at work, waiting for the day to end, waiting to see if he calls.
If I take a step back, maybe my rose-tinted glasses would fall off. And they have, on the instances where I get so frustrated about how late he calls, how some days he doesn't call. In his own words-he's just an average guy. But I'm so starved for love and I've lived in abject poverty for so long that an above minimum wage salary and glimmers of affection completely win me over. Every woman has broken up with him-he's never ended a relationship except for a situation-ship in college. He talks about his ex girlfriends and it makes me so angry and jealousy I go silent. He said yesterday how his ex painted him a portrait and I've thought of all the ways to one up that. I have really nothing to offer right now other than love, loyalty and sex when I see him.
And now I'm joining the military. Not out of any sense of duty or love for this country. I was initially going to continue my degree whilst with my ex. But after we broke up I said fuck it and decided to join the military. It's not the only reason but it was kickstarted my decision. But the thought of two months at bmt, without talking to my boyfriend, hurts me so much. I'm even thinking of pursuing a career, one that I'm not exactly too keen on, just because the tech base is close to where my boyfriend lives. And it's crazy! He wouldn't do this for me!
I'm a sucker for the idea of getting married and having a child. I shouldn't have one. But its what I want. Not really out of some deep, motherly want for a child. Some of that. But mostly for stability. To look at my life and say "I'm stable, I'm okay.". When I was visiting my bf, he said if I cooked for him he'd "wife me up". A joke but I went out of my way to cook for him that trip. I'm uber, uber submissive so not to rock the boat with him. I agree with almost everything he says. I feel like he's kind of caught onto my love-bombing a bit.
If he breaks up with me, I think I will kill myself. I don't even know if I love him. He has told me he loved me already. And he says that normally he doesn't say that until 6-9 months into a relationship.
The relationship ended a little after 3 months, January of this year. He tried to ghost me, I refused to take the hint and than found out he unsuccessfully tried to cheat on me with his coworker. After learning that, I torched any chance of reconciliation of us and felt physically ill after the break-up for months. Every-time I reached out to him I got blocked. I thought of him everyday for a month and half. I almost joined the police academy for him because he's a police officer and I thought I might have the chance to see him and win him back.
It wasn't until I met my now boyfriend that the reality of my past relationship sunk in. And now I'm utterly obsessed with him. We met in person but the next week he had to move to another state for work. The first night we met I tried to sleep with him. And in that week, we established our selves as exclusive. He has been in relationships before and even said we were moving at lightning pace. From what he's told me, I get the sense he isn't the type that likes being single. We've been long-distance for about 2 months now.
Our relationship isn't totally founded on loneliness and boredom. We actually have quite a lot in common. I don't feel the need to pretend around him like I did for my ex. He calls me (almost) every night. We talk for hours. I wait for his call. And just like in my last relationship, my life has become circled around him. Around the hypothetical future we have together. I'm so obsessed with him and I can't do anything after work. I just wait, wait, wait for his call and get nothing done. I spend all day in agony at work, waiting for the day to end, waiting to see if he calls.
If I take a step back, maybe my rose-tinted glasses would fall off. And they have, on the instances where I get so frustrated about how late he calls, how some days he doesn't call. In his own words-he's just an average guy. But I'm so starved for love and I've lived in abject poverty for so long that an above minimum wage salary and glimmers of affection completely win me over. Every woman has broken up with him-he's never ended a relationship except for a situation-ship in college. He talks about his ex girlfriends and it makes me so angry and jealousy I go silent. He said yesterday how his ex painted him a portrait and I've thought of all the ways to one up that. I have really nothing to offer right now other than love, loyalty and sex when I see him.
And now I'm joining the military. Not out of any sense of duty or love for this country. I was initially going to continue my degree whilst with my ex. But after we broke up I said fuck it and decided to join the military. It's not the only reason but it was kickstarted my decision. But the thought of two months at bmt, without talking to my boyfriend, hurts me so much. I'm even thinking of pursuing a career, one that I'm not exactly too keen on, just because the tech base is close to where my boyfriend lives. And it's crazy! He wouldn't do this for me!
I'm a sucker for the idea of getting married and having a child. I shouldn't have one. But its what I want. Not really out of some deep, motherly want for a child. Some of that. But mostly for stability. To look at my life and say "I'm stable, I'm okay.". When I was visiting my bf, he said if I cooked for him he'd "wife me up". A joke but I went out of my way to cook for him that trip. I'm uber, uber submissive so not to rock the boat with him. I agree with almost everything he says. I feel like he's kind of caught onto my love-bombing a bit.
If he breaks up with me, I think I will kill myself. I don't even know if I love him. He has told me he loved me already. And he says that normally he doesn't say that until 6-9 months into a relationship.
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