Venting I truly don't deserve to be with any woman.

[Friends151617]

From how people have treated me my whole life, I can see that I'm a filthy, worthless degenerate, and I do plan to follow through with my suicide before 2021 comes around.

I'm a bisexual trans woman, but definitely female leaning. However, I don't deserve to be with a woman...or man...or anyone, really. I'm bound to rot alone forever.

I slash and cut my entire body all the way, and I have more scars than you would believe. And I put salt and lemon on the wounds because I like the pain, because I deserve it.

No matter what anyone says, I'm following through with it. No one can stop me.

Even my family tells me I'm worthless every single day, and I got zero friends, and have never had one.

 

[icanhasnick]

You're 19. Plenty of 19yos haven't been in a romantic relationship with anyone. Plenty of them haven't been with men or women yet. Maybe focus on something else and see if someone shows some interest ? I, for instance, didn't even kiss anyone until age 20. It's not that unusual or dramatic.

 

[thethatsitboy]

You deserve so much more than you think. You deserve being if whoever you want.

Althought, we all know that sometimes the deserving isn't all we need to feel good. I hope the better for you

 

[Meditation guide]

I slash and cut my entire body all the way, and I have more scars than you would believe. And I put salt and lemon on the wounds because I like the pain, because I deserve it.

I wish I could understand the reasons someone does this. I tend to blame a demonic entity when I read this.

 

[thethatsitboy]

I wish I could understand the reasons someone does this. I tend to blame a demonic entity when I read this.

I never cutted myself. Had you done something similar?
I already punched my face some times, punched the wall. I knew it would hurt me, and i wanted it. Because of this i understand the people that cut themselves and even people that want to level suffering, like this case. It is all about different levels, i think, different capacities, maybe.

 

[Meditation guide]

I never cutted myself. Had you done something similar?

If you love pain and being tortured you should spend time in my body. You would be in heaven.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Man. You should learrn to live with yourself first.

 

[sadstuffie]

I understand. :(

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Even my family tells me I'm worthless every single day

Have they always done that?

 

[Sarahlynn]

I wish I could understand the reasons someone does this. I tend to blame a demonic entity when I read this.

I can only speak for myself, but I do it when the mental pain becomes unbearable. The physical pain distracts me from the mental one and gives my mind a break from itself.

Also, I tend to feel like a shitstained waste of space, and harming myself is like punishing myself for not just either get my shit together or CTB. It's very hard to explain, but it just feels right that I should at least have some kind of punishment inflicted on me for being what I am and doing what I do in life.

There is no logic here as I use self harm both as punishment for being a piece of shit, as it at the same time provides relief and comfort.

As for OP, I feel ya. I don't know how to help you, but I had some thoughts reading your post. 1.Your parents suck, can you get away from them? 2.There are a lot of LGBTQ+ groups out there, have you tried reaching out to someone to talk? 3. You are young. There is still hope. But you need to reach for it, and it's the hardest thing ever. Please consider talking to someone, as you struggle with your identity I think that can be a good place to start, less scary than mental health professionals. And many in the LBGTQ+ community are struggling as well, so you can find like-minded individuals to talk to.