a few days ago. I was on the edge of a parking structure and security came up. They were trying to talk me down. Then a stranger was like let's do it together. We'll both jump. I have an 18 year old but fuck it. I guess trying to scare or guilt trip me but it just made me feel worse. Then the police showed up I think four police cars and I lost concentration on him. I was looking back between the the cops below shouting at me not to jump and the cop on the roof and suddenly this stranger (I assume the man shouting earlier) grabbed me from behind and pulled me back. All i know was i was thinking oh shit this is high but I wasn't scared. I really don't know if I would have been able to go through with it or not if this man hadn't grabbed me and because of that I can't get it out of my head. I still think it is the easiest way to CTB and have failed multiple ODs and hanging attempts (although i have been close and on life support). I terrified my family and friends and don't want to hurt them anymore but still think they are better without me because I just can't get better. I can't end up on another psych hold though. It is my third in a month and a half and I was lucky to get out in a few days. They won't let me go next time and my insurance runs out at the end of the year. What if i can't go through with it. If I can it's all over but if I can't it's only going to make my life 100x worse. I also wonder if security is on extra alert because of what happened and if i could even get up to the top floor again without being stopped. I was there at least 25 mins (maybe more it's hard to remember) before anyone saw me trying to get the courage to jump.
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