Venting I tried living today.

[Livingvsdying25]

It was an ok day but it's clesr im not ok. I did things. Went to therapy and... I'm ending this day barly holding on and promising myself to be less tmrw. My inability to keep myself alive is my problem alone. No more dragging anyone in...

I'm almost condemning myself for getting close to people.

It's taken hours to keep myself from trying to kill myself and a medication called buspar to calm my body enough & lots of crying to get me to feeling tired...

I'm not ok and im just barely holding in but that is mineband mine alone to face. Yes I have friends that wanna support but im tired of being a stress.


I hope I sleep ok.. if I wake up in the middle of the night the thoughts are gonna be hard to deal with. Watching youtube vids as distraction is like my brain can't even take it in/it feels like nothing...

Buttt I'm sleepy enough now so goodnight.

 

[Someone123]

It was an ok day but it's clesr im not ok. I did things. Went to therapy and... I'm ending this day barly holding on and promising myself to be less tmrw. My inability to keep myself alive is my problem alone. No more dragging anyone in...

I'm almost condemning myself for getting close to people.

It's taken hours to keep myself from trying to kill myself and a medication called buspar to calm my body enough & lots of crying to get me to feeling tired...

I'm not ok and im just barely holding in but that is mineband mine alone to face. Yes I have friends that wanna support but im tired of being a stress.


I hope I sleep ok.. if I wake up in the middle of the night the thoughts are gonna be hard to deal with. Watching youtube vids as distraction is like my brain can't even take it in/it feels like nothing...

Buttt I'm sleepy enough now so goodnight.

You have eloquently expressed the type of thoughts that so many people here feel.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

You should feel proud of yourself for going to therapy and trying, it's not easy to do in a depressed state but you did it. Sorry you are feeling so bad, you don't have to face it all alone-sounds like you have some good friends, you can always vent here as well.

 

[Eyris]

doing little things are nothing to scoff at. every thing that you are able to do is a step in the eight direction no matter what the destination is. good luck
hugs <3

 

[unnormal9]

Wrong section.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Wrong section.

I put it here instead of recovery section bc I was literally shaking fighting off the desire to kill my self yesterday. The suicide sector isn't just for talk of suicide.

I didn't feel right posting in the recovery section bc of how heavy the ideation was yesterday. If mods feel its the wrong section then they can move it. Im ok with that.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really does sound so tiring what you have to endure, existing here certainly is something so awful but anyway I wish you the best, I hate how it often isn't even straightforward to find some kind of relief from this existence by sleeping.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Thnxx for all the supportive messages y'all I got through the night and slept ok? Still tired but I slept at least

 

[lookingforsanctuary]

Glad you managed some sleep. Good luck for today as well <3

 

[Jezzibell]

I'm so sorry you are caught in this intolerable inner conflict. Like other posters have said, kudos to you for fighting the urge.

Its clear you are in a bad place right now. When I'm the same everything is so overwhelming and I am left with only apathy. I can't see options. I don't want options. I just want to close my eyes for good..

I hope you do sleep well. Xxxxxx

 

[unnormal9]

I put it here instead of recovery section bc I was literally shaking fighting off the desire to kill my self yesterday. The suicide sector isn't just for talk of suicide.

I didn't feel right posting in the recovery section bc of how heavy the ideation was yesterday. If mods feel its the wrong section then they can move it. Im ok with that.

Sorry.