EternalSkies
Student
- Mar 19, 2024
- 130
So for like 12 weeks a practiced inserting a needle into my "things". Im trans and have been suffering since I was a child and had enough of never getting help after a few years of trying to get it now.
I am a very sensitive person so I could barely let the needle touch the skin at first. Eventually I penetrated the first few skin layers but never got through the last toughest one. Then suddenly one day I managed. I just learned to be okay with the feelings of the needle and found the right technique. Still requires mental fortitude I guess
Problem is I was trying to inject 36% table salt. The pain was so extreme you just stop naturally like a reflex. I then found out there are other similar things which cause extreme pain too but not in the same way. So I managed to inject "Both sides" with 1ml 36% salt. Pain was 11/10. Extreme. I could barely handle the pain for the first 24 hours. Morphine barely helped. But im so proud. I injected incorrectly on one side and ended up with necrosis of the skin. Im pretty sure they're pretty damaged atleast one. But healthcare don't want to remove them or check for deep necrosis. Because if they ignore the problem they don't have to do anything.. Only time they will remove them is if infection develops and spreads to other organs.. Then they would remove them and other organs... Thing is I actually got an infection but they fixed it with IV antibiotics. It seems I might have been close to getting sepsis too. Part of the problem is im honest and say why I did it and that I did it. If they only knew the symptoms they would probably remove them. Because then it wouldn't be related to trans
I still think they will have to remove them at some point. Im actually planning on trying to make it even worse in another part today. If im able to handle the pain and inserting a syringe into a new body part. Then I can just say it started spreading even more and show clearer physical issues.
I still have a 5/10 pain in the one side but it's handleable.
My suicidal and selfharm behaviour has severely escalated throughout the year. I've done more and more things. More frequently and more dangerously.
I even climbed the suicide fence on one of the tallest bridges in my country. But I need time to be okay with it. And police as such always show up fast.... I might go there again tongiht actually but its cold and scared of psych and drawing attraction
I also ate 4 times the deadly dose of foxglove in september. Felt extremely nauseous and my heart was clearly affected for 5 days. They were prepared to put me in the heartunit instead but my body as usual is too strong.. They mentioned a case of a person this year in my country that ate 1/4 of what I had. And developed serious heartissues for 6 weeks and had heartsupport etc. I seem to have higher tolerances for poisons overall. As usual I try escaping but police comes and gets me
I also tried eating Amanita Virosa. But I picked the wrong type first time. The second time I picked a white Amanita again but seems like it wasn't the right one again. They for sure were amanitas but unfortunately/fortunately not Virosa/Destroying angel. Although I was a bit impulsive with that.
I also tried Aconitum tea several times but it only makes me out of breath. Also tried extracting SN from Nitrite Salt but that don't seem to work that well. Also ate 10g Sodium Nitrate which supposedly could convert to nitrite in the body but that didn't work either but got me put in psychward for a couple of days
I've also become a well-known patient in psych. And that's not a good thing. People hate me for no reason. Because I panic and try to escape. They so mean
They also regularly misdiagnose me with borderline despite my psychiatry place saying I don't have it
I am a very sensitive person so I could barely let the needle touch the skin at first. Eventually I penetrated the first few skin layers but never got through the last toughest one. Then suddenly one day I managed. I just learned to be okay with the feelings of the needle and found the right technique. Still requires mental fortitude I guess
Problem is I was trying to inject 36% table salt. The pain was so extreme you just stop naturally like a reflex. I then found out there are other similar things which cause extreme pain too but not in the same way. So I managed to inject "Both sides" with 1ml 36% salt. Pain was 11/10. Extreme. I could barely handle the pain for the first 24 hours. Morphine barely helped. But im so proud. I injected incorrectly on one side and ended up with necrosis of the skin. Im pretty sure they're pretty damaged atleast one. But healthcare don't want to remove them or check for deep necrosis. Because if they ignore the problem they don't have to do anything.. Only time they will remove them is if infection develops and spreads to other organs.. Then they would remove them and other organs... Thing is I actually got an infection but they fixed it with IV antibiotics. It seems I might have been close to getting sepsis too. Part of the problem is im honest and say why I did it and that I did it. If they only knew the symptoms they would probably remove them. Because then it wouldn't be related to trans
I still think they will have to remove them at some point. Im actually planning on trying to make it even worse in another part today. If im able to handle the pain and inserting a syringe into a new body part. Then I can just say it started spreading even more and show clearer physical issues.
I still have a 5/10 pain in the one side but it's handleable.
My suicidal and selfharm behaviour has severely escalated throughout the year. I've done more and more things. More frequently and more dangerously.
I even climbed the suicide fence on one of the tallest bridges in my country. But I need time to be okay with it. And police as such always show up fast.... I might go there again tongiht actually but its cold and scared of psych and drawing attraction
I also ate 4 times the deadly dose of foxglove in september. Felt extremely nauseous and my heart was clearly affected for 5 days. They were prepared to put me in the heartunit instead but my body as usual is too strong.. They mentioned a case of a person this year in my country that ate 1/4 of what I had. And developed serious heartissues for 6 weeks and had heartsupport etc. I seem to have higher tolerances for poisons overall. As usual I try escaping but police comes and gets me
I also tried eating Amanita Virosa. But I picked the wrong type first time. The second time I picked a white Amanita again but seems like it wasn't the right one again. They for sure were amanitas but unfortunately/fortunately not Virosa/Destroying angel. Although I was a bit impulsive with that.
I also tried Aconitum tea several times but it only makes me out of breath. Also tried extracting SN from Nitrite Salt but that don't seem to work that well. Also ate 10g Sodium Nitrate which supposedly could convert to nitrite in the body but that didn't work either but got me put in psychward for a couple of days
I've also become a well-known patient in psych. And that's not a good thing. People hate me for no reason. Because I panic and try to escape. They so mean
They also regularly misdiagnose me with borderline despite my psychiatry place saying I don't have it
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