Water-Lily
Enlightened
- Dec 26, 2020
- 1,190
Usually I would have been surfing SS for a few hours but, I decided to take some space today. Made me realize how over reliant I can be on the internet and how depressed I can get. How I can become moody and irritable and have a tendency to lash out at people online. I did so bit yesterday.
So today I took space. Cried, ate, cleaned the bathroom, and took a bath. I also did some vent drawing as well.
I am still concerned about my dad and my brother. Realistically it shouldn't be my problem or responsibility to fix this mess. It should be on my dad. But, its almost like I can't expect him to do it on his own. Seeing how he willingly married my mom despite her being abusive, had kids with her, and didn't protect me from her growing up (albeit he stepped in a few times) shows me he is mentally weak.
As angry and justified in my frustration as I am, yelling and screaming at him probably will not do anything. It could cause a fight and make both of us feel bad. And since I am living here in the mean time, I need to make the best of it.
With that being said, I decided that when he gets home in a few hours, I will talk to him. Tell him that we have talked about my brother getting therapy time and time again and yet, he has done nothing. I figure I would say something along the lines of "dad. I know we've both been talking about (insert name) mental health. We have talked about putting him in therapy and while you agree and said you would look into that reference, you never did. I don't want you to willingly agree with me that there is a problem if you aren't going to do anything. This isn't me getting angry (though I am) and wanting to hurt you, but I feel I need to be honest. I want you let me know if you really want to do something about my brother. If so, make it honest. If not, say it. I don't like having my hopes up and you not doing anything about"
I have literally no idea how he will respond to this. However, I figure it's better I do try than not to
So today I took space. Cried, ate, cleaned the bathroom, and took a bath. I also did some vent drawing as well.
I am still concerned about my dad and my brother. Realistically it shouldn't be my problem or responsibility to fix this mess. It should be on my dad. But, its almost like I can't expect him to do it on his own. Seeing how he willingly married my mom despite her being abusive, had kids with her, and didn't protect me from her growing up (albeit he stepped in a few times) shows me he is mentally weak.
As angry and justified in my frustration as I am, yelling and screaming at him probably will not do anything. It could cause a fight and make both of us feel bad. And since I am living here in the mean time, I need to make the best of it.
With that being said, I decided that when he gets home in a few hours, I will talk to him. Tell him that we have talked about my brother getting therapy time and time again and yet, he has done nothing. I figure I would say something along the lines of "dad. I know we've both been talking about (insert name) mental health. We have talked about putting him in therapy and while you agree and said you would look into that reference, you never did. I don't want you to willingly agree with me that there is a problem if you aren't going to do anything. This isn't me getting angry (though I am) and wanting to hurt you, but I feel I need to be honest. I want you let me know if you really want to do something about my brother. If so, make it honest. If not, say it. I don't like having my hopes up and you not doing anything about"
I have literally no idea how he will respond to this. However, I figure it's better I do try than not to
