i told someone about my suicidal thoughts for the first time

[schatzbunny]

it was to my ex in the middle of him lashing out and telling me how much i have ruined him. i said lets just hope i die so we both finally feel better. to which he replied that he wants me to be alive and suffer in guilt. then when he kept telling me how horrible i am i asked "im asking what do you want now? for me to kill myself or what?". this was the first time i expressed my suicidal thoughts out loud and some part of me was hoping he would pick up on that and not think i was just being dramatic. the reason why he is so angry at me is because i am not willing to forgive him for breaking my heart and abandoning me and now coming back when its convenient for him. i was willing to entertain the idea of being with him again only if he acknowledged what he did wrong and showed that he wont do it again. but he just turned it into im a horrible and mean person for asking that. he gave me an ultimatum of either "shut up and be with me as a loving girlfriend" or to block him. i blocked him but i just feel awful. i hoped he took me talking about killing myself seriously. oh well whenever i finally do i hope he remembers this moment.

 

[themindian]

I've never been in a relationship but it doesn't really seem like you made it clear that you actually want to physically kill yourself, like you might've come off as like "oh my life sucks so bad that i could just die right now" not like "you're hurting me so badly that I would rather be dead than be your partner" which if you really love him then I would try to honestly tell him how you're feeling cuz knowing how each person is genuinely feeling in a relationship is like paramount to making things work/understanding each other for who you are, and I'm not saying you did/said anything wrong I'm just saying that you should probably somehow tell him that youre serious about killing yourself cuz of how hurt you are. Just pls make that known to him in your own way and maybe ask him for more help/love/attention and if he just wants you around as a barbie doll to look at and to not give you love or anything then throw him in the garbage. Take it from me, I've spent most my life with fake friends and they're not worth it.

YOU DESERVE REAL LOVE AND ATTENTION/TO FEEL BETTER AND DONT LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE.