Venting I told my parents and regret it

[altoids]

Sorry, this is mostly a rambling vent post, but there's also a bit of a discussion at the end if anyone's interested.

Basically, yesterday I made the mistake of trusting my dad enough to tell him about my thoughts (in private, and honestly in a somewhat distressed state, I probably wouldn't have even told him normally). He seemed very supportive and reassuring at the time, but fast forward to today and I ended up getting a knock on my door (I don't live with my parents, so I had no forewarning) from multiple cops, suited up in vests and everything like I committed a crime or something. They interrogated me, and quickly decided "I sounded like I was lying" and forcefully took me to the hospital in handcuffs like I'm some kind of dangerous suspect. I at least managed to avoid being committed but only after hours of being held in a room and waiting ages to only be asked the same questions over and over.

When I got out I found out it was my dad that had called them without telling me anything about it at all. I called him to confront him about it but he just acted shocked, like he expected some kind of better outcome than what happened. But I honestly don't believe him. He used to work in mental health so I know he must be familiar with this whole process. I don't know why he'd lie to me, but I just can't believe that what he's saying is true. I don't know what else he could have expected to happen.

So what I wonder is, what do the people in charge of this program or system or whatever think they're actually doing? The cop that drove me to the hospital was arguing with me the whole way and his justification basically boiled down to "this is how society works, we're trying to help," etc etc. It's just kind of shocking—do they really think this is the best way to deal with someone who they consider at risk? As if treating them like a hardened criminal and taking them somewhere they don't want to be wouldn't just leave them with a ton of distrust... and an incentive to CTB sooner now that they know they're at risk of losing their privacy at any moment? That's at least what I get from it. I realise now I should've just kept it a secret. Won't make that mistake again.

Anyway I'll cap this off here. I'm interested to know if anyone else here has had experiences like this before, and what they think of all of it and the people who run these kinds of things.

 

[SVEN]

I guess the "system" just doesn't get the desperation a lot of us live in and folk who care for us don't know how to help. So, they reach out to what they wrongly feel are the best people to stop us doing what we need to just to get the pain to stop.
Truthfully, I feel that groups like this are going to be the only place where we can get any type of support because they are the only ones who understand where we're at.

 

[RoundaboutResolved]

Glad to hear you avoided getting committed. Idk what they think, but it's not right. And to betray your trust like that, damn!

 

[aitouka]

I'm so sorry that your dad has betrayed your trust. And yeah the cops were right about one thing - the society is just like this, wretched and cruel. And them 'helping' is a part of that. I'm sorry you had to go through that. They don't care or try to understand at all, they just want to make you 'normal' again, so you can 'contribute to the society' again.

 

[altoids]

I guess the "system" just doesn't get the desperation a lot of us live in and folk who care for us don't know how to help. So, they reach out to what they wrongly feel are the best people to stop us doing what we need to just to get the pain to stop.
Truthfully, I feel that groups like this are going to be the only place where we can get any type of support because they are the only ones who understand where we're at.

I agree. It's either they don't get it at all, or this is just what's most convenient to satisfy their craving to feel like altruists helping the hopelessly ill. Throw you in a hospital and just ask all the standard questions so they can say they asked and avoid any blame if you die. And those are probably the kinds of people that would hear about this forum and think it's some kind of toxic site encouraging death indiscriminately. Can't win with them either way.

Glad to hear you avoided getting committed. Idk what they think, but it's not right. And to betray your trust like that, damn!

Yeah. I'm still not even sure how to feel about it. I don't even know what I'm going to do now. Or if it's even properly 'set in' in my mind.

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

I had an experience similar I'll summarize the start, I was handcuffed and then put in a stretcher while the paramedics bandaged some of my wounds which have scarred (yay!). I decided to trust the psychologist I had with absolutely everything, initially I did not want to talk although eventually caved in. I ended up telling her basically everything I could do to CTB. I eventually got involuntarily committed for the night which was fine until I wasn't released because of some "oh yeah we can't let people out that we think are at risk". I did not even get any of my rights or get briefed on the law of this nor could I research since I had no idea this was going to happen.

I ended up spending a week in there completely dissociated from myself since I was in an unfamiliar place with new people. I couldn't go outside my room since it's sort of like a dorm with a common area. So I'm just sitting in my room pacing around basically in jail for being suicidal, I ended up talking to one of the nurses and got an appointment with my case manager guy looking over me. Told me I couldn't leave and that they have the legal right to keep me there.

Overall horrible experience - felt like I was being watched 24/7. Showers were horrible and spent 100% of the time in my room so who cared if I didn't or not. I also tried to hang myself in their but the room is built like an abstract art piece and there was no where you could set the noose up (using a hoodie) and you can't even have the drawstrings either like how tf am I going to do with it? Swallow it? Guzzle it down?

There was only one nurse that genuinely cared and she was a super enthusiastic and bright lady and I absolutely adore her, you're meant to get checks ~20 minutes although I got them hourly even when I was starving and couldn't get anything on my own.

Ended up agreeing to a bunch of random terms like lower phone usage or whatever to get out. I basically spammed the agree option irl.

 

[SilentSadness]

That's horrific for that to happen to you, what an awful father for calling the police on you to abuse your rights and then manipulating you afterwards. The police really are so insensitive and arrogant to act in such a nasty way and still claim they are helping people, they must be living in a more delusional bubble than most pro-lifers. You definitely deserve to be treated better than to be locked up as a criminal, and judging by what you've said you dodged a bullet, because if you were committed, who knows what atrocities they would have done to you. After all, they commonly strip search and gaslight their patients. The whole concept of suicide prevention is ridiculous anyway because suicide is not a crime and is commonly a logical response to the horrors of this world. I sincerely hope you get the freedom you should have.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm sorry this happened. Something similar happened to me except I wasn't able to avoid hospitalization. The sad part now is that your father has completely evaporated any trust you had in him and shut himself off as a potential source of support that you would draw on. You've learned the bitter lesson of silence over everything but you don't deserve to suffer in silence and you deserve to be able to share your feelings and open up a dialogue about them without being penalized.

 

[Catastrofe]

This is a sad story. I do understand the people you love want to protect and support you, but this is the opposite than supporting and protecting : it is putting you in even more danger and in a situation that is so uncomfortable that you just want to excape, with any mean. The only support that works is **active and careful listening**.
The betrayal part is the worst. It is so important to have someone you trust when feeling suicidal, because you also feel there is so little you can do about it.
I am sorry to hear what happened to you!
(And to the other people who were through it).

 

[Unending]

This sounds really distressing and I'm sorry you went through such a thing. The idea of police "handling" suicidal people just couldn't rub me anyway other than the wrong way. You know it's going to be hard to have a conversation with someone when they replace logical thought with "That's just how society works" or whatever similar sentiment. Again, sorry you had to deal with this. I know it would have left me pretty shaken up personally.

 

[Disaster]

Did you want to get help tho, or were you informing them about your plan to ctb? Did your dad offer you any kind of outpatient care?
Almost everywhere it's illegal to not start an intervention if you know that someone is really at risk. So you don't tell people IRL if you want to actually do it, and you do tell them if you want to be stopped. Because of those laws, telling your parent or your spouse or whatever that you're going to ctb by such and such date, it has been a pleasure to meet them, goodbye and expecting them to keep it secret is too much to expect, and too much burden and liability to put on a loved person. I could do that only to people I really, really hated. Consent is an important thing, and expecting a person to keep in secret something that can get them in so much shit is not reasonable. After all people do it because their plan to ctb is a burden to them, so they put that burden on someone else. Why would a person I love deserve to carry this burden more than me?
However if you wanted/accepted/consented to outpatient care, and your dad just called for the cops to get you medically incarcerated, this is sick. I believe that people deserve choice, and should have access to euthanasia if they with to, or to non-oppressive mental healthcare if that's what they're looking for. Unfortunately no one want to take the responsibility for the folks who say one thing but do the other. I don't have an idea what should be offered to them, but obviously telling someone that you are going to ctb cannot be a consensual thing :/

 

[BlackWednesday]

I had to deal with the police after my first suicide attempt. It is as you say, for the most part they just treat you like a crimminal and were utterly useless at providing any kind of help.

If you ever find yourself in a situation with the police the best thing to do is keep quiet and don't trust a word they say.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like a really horrific situation to be in, I very much hate how we exist in a world where suicidal people get punished for wanting to die, it's like those people want to make existence into a prison that people are obligated to stay in, it really disgusts me how this society is so pro life.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Almost everywhere it's illegal to not start an intervention if you know that someone is really at risk.

In America at least, friends and family have no legal duty to intervene.

 

[Lok1_/./]

I'm sorry that you've gone through what you have. I can't stand to trust telling my parents, main part being they are part of the problem. I'm terrified of situations like this I don't want to go through that. I just don't think they will understand and support me it's crushing.