First loss

First loss

Specialist
Jan 28, 2019
393
We were walking back home from classes and we started talking, as previously I said to her that I wanted to talk to her about something.
I made her promise not to tell anyone and then told her a bit of info on my email that I will make that will contain "documents" and that she will have to send them to people.

She asked why. Once again I made her promise to keep silent. She obliged and I told her it's because I am planning to hang myself.

She thought I was joking at first, because I am known for my black humor. Maybe it was the look in my eyes that dispelled any doubt, and then she went on a pro life charge at me. She said I can't do that. She asked why am I doing it. I didn't tell her the whole story. I just said that I failed in every aspect of my life and it is pointless for me to live anymore.

Then, she said she won't let me do anything of that sort. I honestly regretted my decision of telling her. I was calm and collected and smiling the whole conversation and she was on the verge of tears.

She asked if I am thinking of my friends, her and my family at all. I replied that I don't and that it's mine decision and I don't really think about how others will recieve it.

She said i'm an idiot and went inside her house.

I probably shouldn't have done this. I'll have to face her tomorrow as well.
 
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TheFinalCountdown

TheFinalCountdown

Student
Mar 25, 2019
136
Well that went about as well as could have been expected
 
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JadedGray

JadedGray

Life Eternal
Jul 24, 2018
991
Sorry about your dilemma. It's rare to find a loved one who will be supportive and understanding about this (my mom is the only one I know who has accepted my decision because she, more than anyone, has seen how much I've suffered). Most will have the reaction your friend had, which is why in most cases it's probably better not to tell anyone unless it is more a cry for help and you want to be "saved" (I'm speaking in general, not about you). Sometimes that loved one (with good intentions) might tell your parents or call a suicide hotline to report you to authorities and have you hospitalized against your will. That's why it's best to just leave a note in a place where it won't be found until you've already expired.
 
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not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Archangel
Mar 23, 2018
9,172
We were walking back home from classes and we started talking, as previously I said to her that I wanted to talk to her about something.
I made her promise not to tell anyone and then told her a bit of info on my email that I will make that will contain "documents" and that she will have to send them to people.

She asked why. Once again I made her promise to keep silent. She obliged and I told her it's because I am planning to hang myself.

She thought I was joking at first, because I am known for my black humor. Maybe it was the look in my eyes that dispelled any doubt, and then she went on a pro life charge at me. She said I can't do that. She asked why am I doing it. I didn't tell her the whole story. I just said that I failed in every aspect of my life and it is pointless for me to live anymore.

Then, she said she won't let me do anything of that sort. I honestly regretted my decision of telling her. I was calm and collected and smiling the whole conversation and she was on the verge of tears.

She asked if I am thinking of my friends, her and my family at all. I replied that I don't and that it's mine decision and I don't really think about how others will recieve it.

She said i'm an idiot and went inside her house.

I probably shouldn't have done this. I'll have to face her tomorrow as well.

I also told a buddy of mine I wanted to die but I didn't say anything about actually doing it.
It didn't go over well either. We haven't talked about it lately but we don't get to see each other much.
I really want to say goodbye to a few friends but I know I can't because of being stopped.
I don't know how to say goodbye without actually saying goodbye. :'(
I would advise people out there not to tell anyone about your plans if you are really serious about CTB.
I wish you luck when you have to face her again.
Well that went about as well as could have been expected

Maybe even better … she could have alerted authorities. :wink:
At least she hasn't yet.
Sorry about your dilemma. It's rare to find a loved one who will be supportive and understanding about this (my mom is the only one I know who has accepted my decision because she, more than anyone, has seen how much I've suffered). Most will have the reaction your friend had, which is why in most cases it's probably better not to tell anyone unless it is more a cry for help and you want to be "saved" (I'm speaking in general, not about you). Sometimes that loved one (with good intentions) might tell your parents or call a suicide hotline to report you to authorities and have you hospitalized against your will. That's why it's best to just leave a note in a place where it won't be found until you've already expired.

I strongly agree with this comment !!!
It sucks that it has to be like this but society leaves us no alternative. :angry:
At least for most of us anyway.
 
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Rex2019

Rex2019

Can't wait for the summer
Feb 23, 2019
128
Well that went about as well as could have been expected

Lol I know right... I mean did the OP really expect the friend to smile, nod and say "oh ok cool, yeah sure...I'll send the documents. Good bye!" and leave?! LOL
 
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First loss

First loss

Specialist
Jan 28, 2019
393
Lol I know right... I mean did the OP really expect the friend to smile, nod and say "oh ok cool, yeah sure...I'll send the documents. Good bye!" and leave?! LOL
I really thought she would agree. She is one of the people I trust the most.

Sorry about your dilemma. It's rare to find a loved one who will be supportive and understanding about this (my mom is the only one I know who has accepted my decision because she, more than anyone, has seen how much I've suffered). Most will have the reaction your friend had, which is why in most cases it's probably better not to tell anyone unless it is more a cry for help and you want to be "saved" (I'm speaking in general, not about you). Sometimes that loved one (with good intentions) might tell your parents or call a suicide hotline to report you to authorities and have you hospitalized against your will. That's why it's best to just leave a note in a place where it won't be found until you've already expired.
She actually said she would tell my parents but went back on her words and said she won't tell anyone as she already promised.
 
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JadedGray

JadedGray

Life Eternal
Jul 24, 2018
991
I really thought she would agree. She is one of the people I trust the most.


She actually said she would tell my parents but went back on her words and said she won't tell anyone as she already promised.
I hope for your sake that she keeps her promise. Unfortunately, she might take it as a heavy burden and might worry about guilt and personal responsibility about not telling anyone and whether she could have "saved" you, when you do pass. Hopefully that won't be the case.
 
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J

Jean Améry

Enlightened
Mar 17, 2019
1,098
There is something perversly ironic about expecting people to be ok with something like this: if they didn't care they wouldn't be in your life and given that they do care it would be fairly odd if they were to shrug and approve. You basically expected this girl to both care for you and be ok with your death.

If you do decide to do this and she kept silent it will probably be very hard on her. as she most likely will feel guilty. Guilt is toxic and eats people from within.

The only upside I see to situations like this if one is unsure and close support and assistence in dealing with problems might be enough to make life worth living again. Other than that I don't see it ending well: either the person betrays you and the friendship is dead or she doesn't and you'll be dead. You won't be able to care anymore but she will.

Once a person decides to go through with it he/she should keep silent and do what needs to be done. If there is doubt it would be best to seek assistence and reach out to people but without mentioning suicide or at the very least being very vague and non-commital about it.
 
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First loss

First loss

Specialist
Jan 28, 2019
393
I hope for your sake that she keeps her promise. Unfortunately, she might take it as a heavy burden and might worry about guilt and personal responsibility about not telling anyone and whether she could have "saved" you, when you do pass. Hopefully that won't be the case.
I hope so too. I will have more chances to talk to her on the subject tbh.
 
not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Archangel
Mar 23, 2018
9,172
I really thought she would agree. She is one of the people I trust the most.


She actually said she would tell my parents but went back on her words and said she won't tell anyone as she already promised.

I don't like saying you should lie to her and say you have changed your mind but if you're not going to CTB soon maybe it will keep her from going to your parents or the police.
After some time has passed if you are still going to CTB I'm sure you can find an opportunity.
I'm sure she will still feel guilt for not trying to stop you but maybe it will be less... I don't know.
There is something perversly ironic about expecting people to be ok with something like this: if they didn't care they wouldn't be in your life and given that they do care it would be fairly odd if they were to shrug and approve. You basically expected this girl to both care for you and be ok with your death.

If you do decide to do this and she kept silent it will probably be very hard on her. as she most likely will feel guilty. Guilt is toxic and eats people from within.

The only upside I see to situations like this if one is unsure and close support and assistence in dealing with problems might be enough to make life worth living again. Other than that I don't see it ending well: either the person betrays you and the friendship is dead or she doesn't and you'll be dead. You won't be able to care anymore but she will.

Once a person decides to go through with it he/she should keep silent and do what needs to be done. If there is doubt it would be best to seek assistence and reach out to people but without mentioning suicide or at the very least being very vague and non-commital about it.

Very good advice. :hug:
 
Last edited:
lostangel

lostangel

Enlightened
Mar 22, 2019
1,051
We were walking back home from classes and we started talking, as previously I said to her that I wanted to talk to her about something.
I made her promise not to tell anyone and then told her a bit of info on my email that I will make that will contain "documents" and that she will have to send them to people.

She asked why. Once again I made her promise to keep silent. She obliged and I told her it's because I am planning to hang myself.

She thought I was joking at first, because I am known for my black humor. Maybe it was the look in my eyes that dispelled any doubt, and then she went on a pro life charge at me. She said I can't do that. She asked why am I doing it. I didn't tell her the whole story. I just said that I failed in every aspect of my life and it is pointless for me to live anymore.

Then, she said she won't let me do anything of that sort. I honestly regretted my decision of telling her. I was calm and collected and smiling the whole conversation and she was on the verge of tears.

She asked if I am thinking of my friends, her and my family at all. I replied that I don't and that it's mine decision and I don't really think about how others will recieve it.

She said i'm an idiot and went inside her house.

I probably shouldn't have done this. I'll have to face her tomorrow as well.
i don't mean to be nosey but how did it go seeing her again?
 
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J

Jolene40

Specialist
Oct 6, 2018
370
People just can't handle it at all. She doesn't want to lose you also so its very upsetting for her.
My family 100% support me becsuse they have seen so much horrific suffering. That does help. My problems are horrific physical illnesses but i know your suffering is great where you struggle with depression and anxiety. I think people just can't accept that because they can't see it. Xx
 
First loss

First loss

Specialist
Jan 28, 2019
393
i don't mean to be nosey but how did it go seeing her again?
There was an event at our school and she left earlier after her part was done so we only spoke briefly. She asked if I thought it over and I replied my decision probably won't change. I'll have to face her every day though.
 
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