LakeMungoGirl
Member
- Nov 6, 2025
- 70
Little bit of a rant post. Some background about me: I'm nineteen years old, been majorly disabled for about six years with severe C-PTSD, OCD, anxiety, TMJ-D, tinnitus, hyperacusis, etc. etc. my medical records more or less read like an encyclopedia.
Despite everything I'm faced with, my parents (who are devoutly religious Scientologists and my first abusers; the cause of all of my physical injuries and have never sincerely apologized for anything) refuse to believe that I cannot function at a normal level and have recently threatened to render me homeless should I not complete a checklist of demands within the next two months, many of which are unattainable given my current abilities. I've been suicidal for a while due to my condition but this sent me over the edge, and within a few days I had a plan to CTB that I feel pretty confident would succeed.
I confided in my best friend about this as I wanted to prepare her for my departure so as not to blindside her, and although she understands why I'm suicidal and respects my autonomy, she still didn't take it well. She told me I'm the most important person in her life; that she couldn't cope should I kill myself. She begged me to reconsider and has now even offered to fly me to her state and provide me whatever I need to survive. I'm incredibly grateful for her generosity as I understand many people in positions similar to mine, disabled or not, aren't given such opportunities.
I warned her there's still a good chance I may kill myself. She said she doesn't care: she wants to try to help me anyway.
I honestly feel pretty selfish because one of my motivators for moving in with her is I actually think in her state I'll have more resources available should I still want to CTB, but I'm also kind of excited. It feels like an adventure. I've seldom left my bed for the last four years, so this is going to be a big change for me. Even if I still end up CBT, at least I can spend my final days with the one person who has never doubted me or made me feel like I deserved the shitty cards I was given. She's the most pure thing I have in my life and I hope to God I don't end up breaking her.
Despite everything I'm faced with, my parents (who are devoutly religious Scientologists and my first abusers; the cause of all of my physical injuries and have never sincerely apologized for anything) refuse to believe that I cannot function at a normal level and have recently threatened to render me homeless should I not complete a checklist of demands within the next two months, many of which are unattainable given my current abilities. I've been suicidal for a while due to my condition but this sent me over the edge, and within a few days I had a plan to CTB that I feel pretty confident would succeed.
I confided in my best friend about this as I wanted to prepare her for my departure so as not to blindside her, and although she understands why I'm suicidal and respects my autonomy, she still didn't take it well. She told me I'm the most important person in her life; that she couldn't cope should I kill myself. She begged me to reconsider and has now even offered to fly me to her state and provide me whatever I need to survive. I'm incredibly grateful for her generosity as I understand many people in positions similar to mine, disabled or not, aren't given such opportunities.
I warned her there's still a good chance I may kill myself. She said she doesn't care: she wants to try to help me anyway.
I honestly feel pretty selfish because one of my motivators for moving in with her is I actually think in her state I'll have more resources available should I still want to CTB, but I'm also kind of excited. It feels like an adventure. I've seldom left my bed for the last four years, so this is going to be a big change for me. Even if I still end up CBT, at least I can spend my final days with the one person who has never doubted me or made me feel like I deserved the shitty cards I was given. She's the most pure thing I have in my life and I hope to God I don't end up breaking her.
