I told my family, close friends and psychiatrist about planning CTB

[VivaldiBR]

When i made a account in SS, i felt scared. I never imagine anything like that in my whole life. "Uh, suicide forum". I tought to myself "thats the rock bottom". So i decided to take a few steps before it became a snow ball.

1. I told my family and closest friends i was severaly depressed and ask for help. I also told i was idealizing CTB and already had a plan in mind and visisted this website. So a few people know. I dont feel no shame telling them. I want and need help. There are some friends I was talking to everyday about emotions and feelings know. They talk to me almost everyday. I'm lucky cause two of them are therapists and know a lot about human emotions. If your family and friends care about you, they will certanly help you. No one wants a close person to CTB.

2. I get attached to something. philosophycal or spiritual: i choose buddhism because the connection with human suffering (when i searched rawdomnly about suicide on youtube i ended in video of a buddhist monk talking about depression and suicide). So I began to read about, listen podcasts, watch some videos. Its helping me to sleep for know. I have no illusions. Its a relief in the worst moments but its not a cure, at least at the present moment. I didnt even started to practice and i dont know when or if it will really help me.

3. I booked with a psychologist and psychiatrist. and I'm also going to talk about everything, including the idealization of CTB. I don't care. And i booked with others kind of therapy. I will try everything.


Of course, Im not good. Im in deep pain everyday. Thinking CTB daily. I dont see a progress in recovery. But i told myself i will not suffer alone. Everybody close will know.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

Best wishes in your efforts. I have told nobody, not a single person. I am interested to see how this works for you. Please, if you feel like it, keep us informed?

 

[VivaldiBR]

Best wishes in your efforts. I have told nobody, not a single person. I am interested to see how this works for you. Please, if you feel like it, keep us informed?

Thanks. For sure! DM if you want too.

 

[SanJunipero1]

I think it's great that you were able to be honest. Everyone in my life knows as well although I'll be honest because most don't get it, when I'm really in the thick of it, I only talk about my feelings to people who understand and let me be dark/vent etc. I have a couple of friends who fit the bill but mostly I talk to people on my young widow support group or occasionally come here.
I can absolutely say with full confidence though that being open about my suicidality massively helps me. It's only when I feel censured that I most fold into a pit of despair. I hope being honest and open will help you too.

 

[sadworld]

I wish you all the best I think it's good to have someone you can share your feelings with.

 

[VivaldiBR]

I think it's great that you were able to be honest. Everyone in my life knows as well although I'll be honest because most don't get it, when I'm really in the thick of it, I only talk about my feelings to people who understand and let me be dark/vent etc. I have a couple of friends who fit the bill but mostly I talk to people on my young widow support group or occasionally come here.
I can absolutely say with full confidence though that being open about my suicidality massively helps me. It's only when I feel censured that I most fold into a pit of despair. I hope being honest and open will help you too.

Nice to hear that it helps you.

 

[Weather]

I'm glad that you reached out to your people and that you are being thoughtful in your actions. I do believe that being honest and having a degree of openness is helpful -- after all, nothing healthy grows in the dark (other than fungus, I guess!).

I believe that I may have read (or read into your posts) that you are highly educated. I will say, those who are credentialed tend to be seen with more credibility and are given longer leashes in mental health care. Not that this is right -- but if it is an advantage that you have, there is no shame in using it. I don't know that you would have any negative consequences to being honest, and I hope that you are able to make progress.

It sounds like, based on your actions, that you want to live. I'm proud of you for taking steps to make this a better possibility. I feel oddly uplifted by your post. Thank you.

 

[VivaldiBR]

I'm glad that you reached out to your people and that you are being thoughtful in your actions. I do believe that being honest and having a degree of openness is helpful -- after all, nothing healthy grows in the dark (other than fungus, I guess!).

I believe that I may have read (or read into your posts) that you are highly educated. I will say, those who are credentialed tend to be seen with more credibility and are given longer leashes in mental health care. Not that this is right -- but if it is an advantage that you have, there is no shame in using it. I don't know that you would have any negative consequences to being honest, and I hope that you are able to make progress.

It sounds like, based on your actions, that you want to live. I'm proud of you for taking steps to make this a better possibility. I feel oddly uplifted by your post. Thank you.

Thank you. I'm really glad by your comment. I'm not sure I want to live, but im struggling every single day to recover, even in the worst moments. Im really hoping have some progress in the near future. At least im trying something.

I have a law graduation, but i always had contact with mental heath themes due to my experiences, reading and cultural framework such as cinema, books and so on. Also, I have a lot a friends who always talks about self-knowlegded, therapy and mental heath. Never get myself into it because i always neglected this area. But now i can't escape myself since life striked me hard those last two years. So I decided give it a try.

Im hoping you the best too. Contact in private with you want.

 

[MichaelNomad123]

Good for you dude. This is incredibly positive. Stay strong and remember to keep going. Don't stop.

I repeat, this is extremely positive. You should be proud and make sure that you are. Commit it to your brain and use it as a source of strength. I'm very serious about that.

 

[Sherri]

I told mine, he looked at me like I was crazy.

 

[VivaldiBR]

Good for you dude. This is incredibly positive. Stay strong and remember to keep going. Don't stop.

I repeat, this is extremely positive. You should be proud and make sure that you are. Commit it to your brain and use it as a source of strength. I'm very serious about that.

Thanks a lot! I will try to keep this in mind.

I told mine, he looked at me like I was crazy.

Your psychiatrist? So he is not a good professional. He can't do that. You are not his subject. You are not in inferior position. He's got to treat you equal as equal. Try to look for another one.