Sleeper System
Z z Z z Z z Z z Z z Z
- May 5, 2022
- 936
It doesn't take much to remind me that I hate my life.
No matter how long I fend off the thoughts, I just can't escape this shit.
You can only distract yourself for so long before the hole in your chest begins throbbing again.
I know that i'm ungrateful and things could be worse for me. That knowledge doesn't help in the least.
The world doesn't revolve around my problems or inner turmoil and yet It very much does.
I can only see from my own eyes and my own reality. I guess this is what being self centered means.
What has me deep in the trenches? A job transfer.
It's funny because the way my life turned out is all my fault.
I knew that this was going to be my fate. To work in some dead end company selling my time for reletively nothing but a mediocre existence.
I knew my life would be left for someone else to decide and now all I can do is complain about it.
This is what happens when you're a good little hoe. You just keep getting fucked.
The place Im going to is a step backwards and im sick to my stomach.
I can have no other prospective other than im being punished.
Im so sad and lonely that I have laugh to keep from crying. It's pathetic.
I'm resolved to put in less effort than ever and still do just enough so that maybe I can get placed somewhere else.
Only one problem. I have strong work ethic. The last time this happened I said the same exact thing to myself.
I couldn't be a garbage worker even if I tried. It just isnt in me. Ive been conditioned to be a slave.
It's wild how death seems to be the answer to every hardship and yet few find the courage to take life into their own hands in that way.
The only reason I can still hang on is I have some hope that things might get better some day.
I still have yet to deal with the real hardships of life like losing my mother or brother and what that will do to me.
Truthfully, It might not even effect me. It might feel like a sense of relief that I have one less thing to worry about... im a terrible person.
No matter how long I fend off the thoughts, I just can't escape this shit.
You can only distract yourself for so long before the hole in your chest begins throbbing again.
I know that i'm ungrateful and things could be worse for me. That knowledge doesn't help in the least.
The world doesn't revolve around my problems or inner turmoil and yet It very much does.
I can only see from my own eyes and my own reality. I guess this is what being self centered means.
What has me deep in the trenches? A job transfer.
It's funny because the way my life turned out is all my fault.
I knew that this was going to be my fate. To work in some dead end company selling my time for reletively nothing but a mediocre existence.
I knew my life would be left for someone else to decide and now all I can do is complain about it.
This is what happens when you're a good little hoe. You just keep getting fucked.
The place Im going to is a step backwards and im sick to my stomach.
I can have no other prospective other than im being punished.
Im so sad and lonely that I have laugh to keep from crying. It's pathetic.
I'm resolved to put in less effort than ever and still do just enough so that maybe I can get placed somewhere else.
Only one problem. I have strong work ethic. The last time this happened I said the same exact thing to myself.
I couldn't be a garbage worker even if I tried. It just isnt in me. Ive been conditioned to be a slave.
It's wild how death seems to be the answer to every hardship and yet few find the courage to take life into their own hands in that way.
The only reason I can still hang on is I have some hope that things might get better some day.
I still have yet to deal with the real hardships of life like losing my mother or brother and what that will do to me.
Truthfully, It might not even effect me. It might feel like a sense of relief that I have one less thing to worry about... im a terrible person.
