I've tried every hotline, every friend, psych ward, therapist and the psychiatrist is completely fucking me over. I've come to terms with truly believing ending it all is what's best for me. I'm tired.
My mental health started deteriorating at least 15 years ago. I never understood until about 5 years ago that I needed serious help. I tried. I was told there's help, there are resources etc etc. But at the end of the day it's mostly just talk and empty promises.
I don't mean to sound entitled, but half the resources/help isn't even available and the other half doesn't go beyond a listening ear or CBT. There's nothing for anything more complex than your standard depression, anxiety or trauma. At least not in sweden.
I'm giving this psychoatrist one more chance to hear me out and take me seriously and actually keep me in the system for treatment, but I'm not exactly hopeful. 5 years of constantly needing to do every professional's job for them only to get thrown out on my own again is only worse on me.
Every year i grow more exhausted, sicker and much poorer. Yet I'm still the main person to take care of me and my spouse to survive (it's complicated, she does all she can). I can't take it anymore. I stopped maturing long ago and can't cope with the reality of still waiting to live. I'm so much older and I didn't even notice it happening.
I really really just want someone to know that i tried and fought. And that I deserve to make this choice for myself, before I finally go. The standard responses to my suicidal thoughts obviously miss what I'm actually feeling and thinking. I don't want attention, i want validation. I want it to be okay that i do this. They can't keep forcing me to be here as i destroy myself and all this grief, hate, sadness, dissociation and emptiness takes over.
If they truly understood, they'd support me in this. I just want peace
My mental health started deteriorating at least 15 years ago. I never understood until about 5 years ago that I needed serious help. I tried. I was told there's help, there are resources etc etc. But at the end of the day it's mostly just talk and empty promises.
I don't mean to sound entitled, but half the resources/help isn't even available and the other half doesn't go beyond a listening ear or CBT. There's nothing for anything more complex than your standard depression, anxiety or trauma. At least not in sweden.
I'm giving this psychoatrist one more chance to hear me out and take me seriously and actually keep me in the system for treatment, but I'm not exactly hopeful. 5 years of constantly needing to do every professional's job for them only to get thrown out on my own again is only worse on me.
Every year i grow more exhausted, sicker and much poorer. Yet I'm still the main person to take care of me and my spouse to survive (it's complicated, she does all she can). I can't take it anymore. I stopped maturing long ago and can't cope with the reality of still waiting to live. I'm so much older and I didn't even notice it happening.
I really really just want someone to know that i tried and fought. And that I deserve to make this choice for myself, before I finally go. The standard responses to my suicidal thoughts obviously miss what I'm actually feeling and thinking. I don't want attention, i want validation. I want it to be okay that i do this. They can't keep forcing me to be here as i destroy myself and all this grief, hate, sadness, dissociation and emptiness takes over.
If they truly understood, they'd support me in this. I just want peace
