Venting I think that was a mistake...

[Kazu Ha]

I spoke to my therapist today and I don't know what to think about it yet.
When I felt really bad before Christmas, I wanted to try therapy again after two years and asked for an appointment. Today was the first session.

I didn't talked about my suicide plans, only that I sometimes have these thoughts. I don't think I need to explain why I didn't talk about my suicide plans.
He just said that I should promise him not to do anything to myself and that I should call him or the emergency number immediately if the thoughts become stronger.

Now I feel really bad. I wanted to give therapy another chance, but since it didn't really helped me in the past, I feel like I'm just wasting their time again...

I don't think anyone can help me anymore.
I'm just a lonely failure, nothing more.
I should just kms.

What have I achieved in life? Nothing.
I can't find a job because of my social anxiety, and my BPD is going crazy too. All my friends, who meant everything to me and were my last hope, have abandoned me.
I wish I was never born.

 

[kuroshimi]

It's sad that you experienced such feelings.

I'm thinking about trying therapy again, it's been one and a half year since my first appointment, I think? But I actually don't see the point on this.

I just think I'm a mistake. A failure. I shouldn't be born in the first place, yet still we are.

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

Sadly we can't talk open about some thoughts with therapists without having to fear that we will get locked up. Anyways, you are not wasting their time. It's their job and your problems matter. Did you atleast have the feeling that it somehow helped?

 

[NonEssential]

I haven't been to a therapist but I've visited a psychologist quite a few times, though I don't really think that stuff has helped me really.

Social anxiety and anxiety in general is a bitch, I haven't been able to accomplish anything in life thanks to this.

 

[kuroshimi]

I haven't been to a therapist but I've visited a psychologist quite a few times, though I don't really think that stuff has helped me really.

Social anxiety and anxiety in general is a bitch, I haven't been able to accomplish anything in life thanks to this.

Anxiety really sucks because I constantly worrying about everything: my past, present and, most of all, about the future.

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

I haven't been to a therapist but I've visited a psychologist quite a few times, though I don't really think that stuff has helped me really.

Social anxiety and anxiety in general is a bitch, I haven't been able to accomplish anything in life thanks to this.

So the psychologist just hands out meds without really talking about the problem?
Maybe it's different depending on the country. It never occured to me to just visit a psychologist.

 

[heatnormal]

Now I feel really bad. I wanted to give therapy another chance, but since it didn't really helped me in the past, I feel like I'm just wasting their time again...

i'm sorry to hear that. therapy is not for everyone; but i think it's good to try again -- first sessions are usually stiff, but once you get more comfortable, you may see some benefits. you can always just stop going if it gets too much. have you tried other methods/types of therapy?

So the psychologist just hands out meds without really talking about the problem?

i don't know how it is in other parts of the world, but where i live, only a psychiatrist can prescribe medication. a psychologist can diagnose you and give a referral to work with a therapist.

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

i don't know how it is in other parts of the world, but where i live, only a psychiatrist can prescribe medication. a psychologist can diagnose you and give a referral to work with a therapist.

English is not my first language. I always mess up these two. I had paychiatrist in mind when i asked the question ^^

Anxiety really sucks because I constantly worrying about everything: my past, present and, most of all, about the future.

And the replaying of things i said or did overanalyzing everything.

 

[Kazu Ha]

It's sad that you experienced such feelings.

I'm thinking about trying therapy again, it's been one and a half year since my first appointment, I think? But I actually don't see the point on this.

I just think I'm a mistake. A failure. I shouldn't be born in the first place, yet still we are.

If you have the chance and haven't completely given up on yourself yet, I think it's worth a try.

I still prefer a therapist over a psychiatrist, who just pumps you full of pills that are definitely not a long-term solution (my brother tried it and it didn't help. He only felt better for a short time. But of course, everyone reacts differently).

I'm sorry you feel that way. Sending virtual hugs.

Sadly we can't talk open about some thoughts with therapists without having to fear that we will get locked up. Anyways, you are not wasting their time. It's their job and your problems matter. Did you atleast have the feeling that it somehow helped?

That's exactly what I'm afraid of. Sadly...
And he was really nice. Almost too nice (I'm not used to that kind of kindness) . At our next meeting, he might lend me his guitar. I've always wanted to play on a guitar. I think that's really sweet of him.

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

That's exactly what I'm afraid of. Sadly...
And he was really nice. Almost too nice (I'm not used to that kind of kindness) . At our next meeting, he might lend me his guitar. I've always wanted to play on a guitar. I think that's really sweet of him.

Oh wow, seems like he really cares (although a little strange, not gonna lie lol). The most important part is you feel comfortable with him. Keep it up

 

[Kazu Ha]

i'm sorry to hear that. therapy is not for everyone; but i think it's good to try again -- first sessions are usually stiff, but once you get more comfortable, you may see some benefits. you can always just stop going if it gets too much. have you tried other methods/types of therapy?

That's right. I'll just take a look at it now and hope that it helps a little. If not, at least I tried (again).

Years ago, I was in behavioral therapy for my social anxiety. I had to go outside with the therapist and face "my fear"... but it didn't helped me at all. :(

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

Are you doing behavioral therapy again or are you trying something different this time?

 

[Kazu Ha]

Are you doing behavioral therapy again or are you trying something different this time?

Now I'm going to try systemic therapy.
Since my best friends left me and things aren't going so well in my family and relationships, I think this is a good choice.

I have nightmares almost every night about things from the past. Sadly, this is one more reason why I want to finally put an end to the suffering.

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

Sorry to hear that. Wish you all the best.

I am doing behavioral therapie now but my therapist thinks i am not ready for real challenges, so it's just me talking or rather listening most of the time lol.