I think my friend is starting to notice

[SomethingsOff]

I recently told this friend about my self harm and they've always been there for me and very supportive for years. They've been through their own struggles themselves. But I think they know I want to seriously CTB. That I'm not getting better. They text to see if I've eaten because I sorta just stopped and when I hadn't texted them for a few days they heavily implied that they thought did it. I mean, I tried. But I wouldn't tell them that. I couldn't. What could they do? I love them very much. But I wish they never noticed- so that when i do actually CTB they don't believe it's because they never did something. Alternatively they might tip someone off. Get me sent away. And I know they mean it lovingly but how do you tell your friend that you don't want help? You just want it to end, even with them in your life? Hhh this sucks. It all sucks. I wish it worked yesterday.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me, the thought of somebody else interrupting ctb plans really is so horrible, other people should have no right to do such a thing and they should just accept the fact that not everyone wants to exist in this hellish world. I hope that you don't end up in an awful psych ward.