I think my cat can tell that I'm suicidal

[scary]

I've been having thoughts lately about just downing a bunch of pills and ever since then, my cat has been very clingy with me.

She meows at my door constantly and begs to be in my room, which is very unlike her. She's a sweet cat its just she doesn't go into my room really. I know that it won't matter and that I'll be dead anyway, but I can't help but feel guilty.

She wouldn't even be alone, she has the rest of my family and our two other cats but I still feel kinda bad. She's on my bed right now as I write this, and I just feel that she can tell. Maybe its just a coincidence, I don't know. My bed is comfy so maybe she just likes laying on it.

I know that downing pills is not a good idea. I know. But its all that I have. I can't get things like SN without drawing suspicion. I just feel trapped in my own life, I can't do anything, not even kill myself.

 

[getoutgirl]

Oh I don't think it's a coincidence, they definetly pick up on moods. I've heard that before that they won't get away from you if you are depressed or anxious, maybe they smell things, I have no idea, but if they love you they definetly show that then.

I'm sorry you are currently having a lot of suicidal thoughts, glad you at least have a cute cat by your side even if it adds a bit to the guilt of leaving her, it's still a cat by your side and I hope she is succeeding in making you feel a bit better <3

About the pills, you are right it's not a good idea.

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sanctioned-suicide.net

I know the urge and how desperate it gets when it feels like you have no out, but this simply wouldn't be one either, just an awful experience to add to the suffering you are going through already, and I'm really sorry you feel trapped, but I don't think you deserve that on top. So if you can, resist those thoughts until other options arise or you feel a bit better, I don't know your situation, I just hope it gets easier for you. Big hugs your way, give a scratch to the cat on my part if you don't mind, she is doing great :)
hugs <3