Venting I think my boyfriend is emotionally abusing me

[shotgunshellz]

Theres something wrong with me and him. He is constantly in a bad mood. Everything sets him off. Could be sunshine and roses one second but shit so mundane like the weather outside being too cold on his way back from the bus stop will set him off and now it's all my fault for not reacting right. or I didn't pick what I wanted for supper quick enough. or i asked twice if he was ok and needed to talk after he got overwhelmed. Tonight, a friend cancelled plans and he got upset, so much so he yanked the covers off of me in bed and told me to go away. i was trying to calm our cat down so he wouldnt freak out on me more.
Now he's sleeping soundly while I bash my head on the wall in the bathroom wishing I hadn't thrown out my razors.

Its silly how much someone elses behaviour and mood affects you. I just want to die, more and more lately, because i realize i cant survive financially without him. i dont know what happened. when we first got together he was never like this. now, i feel like i need to walk on eggshells all the time. no matter what i do, itll piss him off somehow. even if i used the same strategies and phrases that worked the last time.

im afraid to be without him. im afraid to be with someone else, or no one at all. i like it with him when hes not acting like this. but i cant take it. everybody takes me for granted. im a full time student and i try so hard to keep the house spotless for him so he doesnt get too upset or i get some sort of recognition. my grades are slipping. all other times he is nice. so nice. the only person that ever understood me. thats why i stay.

my heart hurts so much. the anxiety of maybe being broken up with, the hurt of being mistreated for no reason, the pain of not being able to reach out for comfort when i most need it, its killing me tonight. i miss my mother. i want a hug. i think i will try to kill myself. or hurt myself. or at the very least, finish this vodka he bought us. maybe ill go on a walk after and see if one of my city's deranged drivers wants to try hitting me.

 

[sammiechzxv]

You are right. This situation is very tough. It's hard to believe in the moment, but you'll never feel better if you stay forever. You deserve to be loved the right way and he will never give that to you.

 

[Redacted24]

This does sound very much like abuse... I'm in an domestic violence / emotional abuse situation myself.

The key thing for you to recognize straight off:
It's not your fault or anything you've done wrong.
You are a victim of an abusive partner.

Impulsive actions often don't get the results you're hoping for. They frequently make things worse. A lot worse.

Please consider contacting a domestic violence resource in your community, if only to talk with someone.

It's not easy. I get that. But you have the right to be happy, and to not live in fear.
These are things I remind myself every day.
We're here for you too!

 

[Sleeper System]

Be strong and don't ever let it get too far before you decide to take action. Let someone know what's going on. Don't be a victim of your own silence. I understand how hopeless it can feel to have to rely on someone like that. I think when the time comes you'll know what you have to do. It will be hard but it's your life that you will have to prioritize.

 

[maniac116]

Do yourself a big favor & get the hell out of there!
It could turn into serious physical abuse. Find a friend or shelter & go. You don't deserve that behavior!!!

 

[Manfrotto99]

Its not you. I have been a victim of narcissistic rage and abuse for many years and this sounds very familiar. I suggest you listen to DoctorRamani on you tubeyou. She is very sympathetic and helped me to understand. The way you described your boyfriends behaviour and how you feel are what she talks about. I realise you don't want to stay but also don't want to leave ether. Sometimes it's not even possible to leave due to lack of finances/ resources etc. Either way, it helps to empower yourself, get prepared and know what your dealing with.