Venting I think I've found a method, if I can ever make myself go through with it.

[DepressedEgg]

For years I've struggled, trying to get help and go through proper channels. I just moved to university last week and I'm not registered with the doctor nearby yet so I can't even attempt to get help here until they get back to me about that. But there's a body of water on the campus. And I'm thinking I might go sit down there for a while, and see where the night takes me. Drowning seems like it'd suck, but with how cold it is I'm 90% sure once I jump in I couldn't stop what happens even if I try. There's suicide helpline BS all over my house, so clearly they know we'll think about it. I'm thinking it might be nice to call them while I'm down at the water's edge, see if they can somehow do what years of "help" couldn't.

 

[roxx]

Are you thinking doing this totally sober? no alcohol, nothing? Seems somewhat painfull...

 

[avaruus]

I think you're underestimating the survival instinct, it's really hard to keep your head underwater without weights or something, unless you can't swim.

 

[abcz]

Imo those helplines are best when you want to rant about your thoughts and have someone try to help but you don't want them to impact you irl. In my experience, it hasn't necessarily changed my minds on things, although I have used one helpline that wasn't just for suicide to help with some of my other confusing thoughts that I wouldn't want people to know about me. Or when I'm worried about insulting people.

Also it does sound like you are thinking about wanting help so consider your desires before doing anything. Although it's up to you in the end. Ironic that I worry about people regretting these things when I don't even know what is to come.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Seems you'd have a lot of others roaming around who would see you and stop you.

 

[hevlalab]

If you're really set on drowning I wouldn't recommend doing it on campus. Chances are you'd most likely be caught and stopped. I'd suggest going out and find a river or sea? Or maybe even a different method all in all as you said drowning would suck

 

[Spiritual survivor]

It's because on some level we don't want to destroy ourselves. It feels like a waste, especially if u have not achieved anything in life that is significant enuf to give meaning. It can feel sort of like u are giving up or even embarrassing to unalive yourself. Even if u have plenty of valid justifications to do it. This is the conflict we face when we wish to exit prematurely. Maybe embarrassing is the wrong word, more like u don't want people to remember u as being too weak to handle life or something. This was in part why I struggle to exit. But the biggest concern is surviving the attempt. U hope u aren't a paraplegic afterwards or something.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

drowning has been romanticized a la that attempt scene in the bell jar where she tries to swim out but eventually turns around. Or whatever happens in that shitty book. Overrated and more painful than it seems. SI will kick in before you know it. I dont recommend this method. Reconsider it