bear_trapped
taking it one day at a time
- Feb 13, 2020
- 73
i was self harming and severely suicidal throughout all of highschool. i couldn't see myself making it to 18 or graduating. i had no one after distancing myself from all my friends and sabotaging myself to the point of the only girl i've ever loved to break up with me. she's the only person who's ever cared about me and my well being to such an extreme extent. i asked my mom for a therapist after telling her i wanted to kill myself and never got one. yet i turn 20 this year and i'm still here. i graduated. i had surgery back in december to help me walk better, as i was born with a problem with my ankle. it made everything so much worse but i have a couple more weeks of physical therapy and i should be much better after that. my friends have all moved away for college and i've been alone in my awful disgusting house for months, but i'm still here. the only thing that's honestly been keeping me going is music. i love music more than anything. it might be a small thing to hang onto, but it's gotten me through years of absolute suffering and loneliness. i plan on starting college next spring and getting out of this town. i want to actually try to make a life for myself and have something to be proud of. i want to start dating again, and to be mentally well enough to not push away someone who genuinely cares about me. i want to try. even if it's something small like listening to music, the small things in life can actually really make a difference. i'm still very depressed/lonely and want a therapist very badly. i'm trying to hold on until i can get my license or see a school therapist when i start next year. i want to be able to make it and keep going. i think it's possible