catsandrocks
Nature Lover
- Nov 11, 2022
- 23
I wish I was less gullible. I have no idea what the actual fuck is wrong with me.
I first felt suicidal when I was super young. My half ass attempt was trying to reach for the laundry detergent but being too short as a little kid. I was too short to climb onto the dryer for leverage. I'm 18 now, and it hasn't gotten any better. I've been through so many fucking treatment programs and have been sent off to different states against my will. They all promised to help me and told me to trust them. Then, they would give up and put me on waiting lists for long term residentials (basically, modern day asylums).
Unfortunately, I've started to gain hope again. I need to squash it as soon as physically possible. I can't be abandoned again. My therapist is actually trying to work out stuff, and it's honestly terrifying. Like a part of me believes her, but I know she's lying. I mean, this happens every fucking time.
I can't live, though. Like I can't fucking do this. I'm exhausted. I'm tired. It's my time. But I also don't want to traumatize her with the idea that she knew a client was suicidal but killed themselves. How do I stop being so gullible?
I know a lot of you are older than me, so maybe you can bring some wisdom to this situation.
Thank you
I first felt suicidal when I was super young. My half ass attempt was trying to reach for the laundry detergent but being too short as a little kid. I was too short to climb onto the dryer for leverage. I'm 18 now, and it hasn't gotten any better. I've been through so many fucking treatment programs and have been sent off to different states against my will. They all promised to help me and told me to trust them. Then, they would give up and put me on waiting lists for long term residentials (basically, modern day asylums).
Unfortunately, I've started to gain hope again. I need to squash it as soon as physically possible. I can't be abandoned again. My therapist is actually trying to work out stuff, and it's honestly terrifying. Like a part of me believes her, but I know she's lying. I mean, this happens every fucking time.
I can't live, though. Like I can't fucking do this. I'm exhausted. I'm tired. It's my time. But I also don't want to traumatize her with the idea that she knew a client was suicidal but killed themselves. How do I stop being so gullible?
I know a lot of you are older than me, so maybe you can bring some wisdom to this situation.
Thank you