black.dahlia
Member
- Jul 9, 2023
- 54
after years of sitting around wanting to die ive finally decided to take my chances and do it. i still dont have a specific day, but something in me feels ready to go(as corny as it sounds). im just sick of being alive, honestly.
the real question i have is about my stuff im leaving behind, specifically my journal. at first, i used it to document and layout my ctb methods and stuff, just to make it easier to process for me. i would throw it away before i killed myself because it wouldve already served its purpose then. but then it became an actual journal i was venting in. and im very angry and mean in these entries. i used it to cope and to vent things i couldnt say to anyone.
if i dont get rid if this journal and then ctb, would people go through it? its not like id be alive to see the consequences of anything i wrote, but should i get rid of it to save face? or just let people have it to understand what led me to actually want to go? they might hate me, so maybe itd be easier for them to get over me if they read all the things i said about them. but i also feel like its unfair on my part to hide the aspect of myself that made me want to go anyways. any advice?
the real question i have is about my stuff im leaving behind, specifically my journal. at first, i used it to document and layout my ctb methods and stuff, just to make it easier to process for me. i would throw it away before i killed myself because it wouldve already served its purpose then. but then it became an actual journal i was venting in. and im very angry and mean in these entries. i used it to cope and to vent things i couldnt say to anyone.
if i dont get rid if this journal and then ctb, would people go through it? its not like id be alive to see the consequences of anything i wrote, but should i get rid of it to save face? or just let people have it to understand what led me to actually want to go? they might hate me, so maybe itd be easier for them to get over me if they read all the things i said about them. but i also feel like its unfair on my part to hide the aspect of myself that made me want to go anyways. any advice?