Venting I think im gonna be free soon!

[Cringeque3n]

I think im finally going to ctb soon and i feel so at peace and ready. I have had SN since mid January i think and ive felt so calm and like everything is gonna be ok, because i know if worst comes to worst i have my way out :D ive been so depressed recently, self harming and crying every day because my big issue is i was molested by my youngest sisters dad between the ages of 15-18 and i can't tell my family for fear they wont believe me or care.. feeling trapped in my room as a grown ass adult because i cant function when my abuser is in my house and watching my family love him breaks me every single day and i just cant live like this. I need to tell my mom to "heal", and i think im finally going to soon. Except, for me, no one knows that if she says one little thing that invalidates me and if she questions me at all then i will ctb that night no question. Im also accepting that once i tell her she could also maybe believe me, but she would confront him and then he'll just come and kill me so I'll be dead and free from this suffering anyway. I just feel like my death is coming soon and im so happy and ready to accept it and be forever 21!
Also, I've been inhaling my SN every day for a couple weeks and am wondering if im harming myself already with it... i jjst open it up and take a couple big whiffs because the label saying "harmful if you breathe it in" gives me a rush, but ive noticed im getting pain in my head a little too often and getting dizzy sometimes, could i be slowly doing it already? Either way im so excited to be off this earth, ive had a screaming urge to tell my mom the past week but my best friends birthday is coming up in a couple days and i figured ill wait so i dont risk killing myself and ruining all her future birthdays because of it. Fighting this urge to just drink the SN every day is getting harder and harder , i can't take another month

 

[whywere]

1st off, I have all the love in the world for and to you. Now, PLEASE, do not take this as if I am critiquing you or anything of the nature at all. when I was 18 my "parents" figured out that I was bi, kicked me out, never spoke to me again, their choice and when they both died they left my younger sister a hobby farm and cash and my older broher got 2 million U.S. dollars and I got ZERO. I only mention this becasue I was abused by both "parents" from the get go as they always called me "the mistake" to my face from the start. Now I wish with all the being in me that you can find a new place to live. Maybe have friends that can help you and befriend/support you? Please try and remember that your entire global family here loves, cars has lots of empathy, kindness and support for/towards you. I am here if you want to talk, send me a message. We have some things in common that is for sure! All my love to you!! Walter

 

[Thegoldenapples]

That sounds horrible. You should talk to your mum. Things could change a lot after that. And don't let him have power over you. He can't do anything. You need to take your power back. Also don't inhale the SN and keep that lid shut. You don't want to degrade the quality. Less air exposure the better.

 

[itsallover]

That's bullshit that you have to die as an innocent soul when a monster and pig like that should be getting buttfucked till he bleeds in prison. I know this is your family member and you may have some good feelings for him, but he is a child molester and needs to get what all of them do in prison: beatings and rapes as often as possible.

 

[Lost Magic]

My past haunts me too. Mental illness runs in my family. I have had my SN for about 6 months now. I have been crying a lot today, something I haven't done in a while. I don't think I can take much more of this pain. It truly kills me to know that you and others are suffering too. What a cruel world this can be.

 

[Wayfaerer]

That's bullshit that you have to die as an innocent soul when a monster and pig like that should be getting buttfucked till he bleeds in prison. I know this is your family member and you may have some good feelings for him, but he is a child molester and needs to get what all of them do in prison: beatings and rapes as often as possible.

I wish that I could like your comment more than once.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

That's bullshit that you have to die as an innocent soul when a monster and pig like that should be getting buttfucked till he bleeds in prison. I know this is your family member and you may have some good feelings for him, but he is a child molester and needs to get what all of them do in prison: beatings and rapes as often as possible.

I wish that I could like your comment more than once.

Can't agree with this, I'm a humane execution guy.