E

EBEN30

Member
Jan 12, 2019
81
So my partner of 7 years walked out and left me, it's been a week and she's gone without contacting me at all, like I don't exist, like she doesn't care about me.

I'm 29, severely overweight, severely depressed, have very little family due to growing up in the care system and have zero friends.

The one or two family members I do have live so far away because stupidly I moved from them all to be close to my partner.

I can't say I'm surprised my partner has left me because honestly the past year has been bad and she's been constantly scared of going to sleep and waking up and finding me dead because of past suicide attempts.

I've got SN and didn't plan to do it now but don't think there's a good as time as any really.

I a have chronic pancreatitis, I'm obese, I've suffered with mental health from being a child.

I've never been able to hold down a job all my life, I don't have much to offer to society and can't see my situation getting any better.

My girlfriend practically took care of me and did everything for me, she drove, now I doubt I'm gonna be able to leave the house, I have no friends or family to leave the house for anyway, even if I did, walking 10 minutes makes my back feel like it's going to break and leaves me out of breath.

I'm confident she wont be coming back, she told me she's 110% positive, she has a job and friends to distract herself.

I wont be able to cope financially either, I'm on benefits in a flat on my own.

I feel like I have no other choice, no other way out, it seems like there is only pain and suffering ahead.

So I'm going to cash out all of my cryptocurrency that I've been saving (in the process of that now) going to send it to my Gran (only family member I have left apart from a cousin and aunty) she'll need it to pay for my funeral.

Going to take some Omeprazole which I have on prescription and I'm going to make up my SN put some music on and go.

Maybe write a few notes first, so probably in a couple of hours.

I know it seems childish doing this over a breakup but it's not just that, this has been a long time coming anyway and this was the cherry on the cake for me. Literally my life from here on out becomes ten fold more difficult and it was difficult enough to begin with anyway.

I have a lot of morphine on prescription as well do you think SN will be more peaceful than the morphine or not?

So yea, thanks everyone on here, it's been great but the end is calling me.
 
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Flippy

Flippy

Felis Sapien
Jan 5, 2020
931
Are you sure you want to take SN right now? I can imagine that what your going through must be very raw and you are feeling very lost and abandoned now! Perhaps you could postpone, for now and have a bit of a vent on here! Get it off your chest and maybe things will seem less extreme afterwards? I know myself the misery of mental illness and I too feel exhausted and like my lower back will break when I push myself to leave the house. It's rotten to be in pain both physically, mentally and emotionally. :-( You mentioned crypto currency, are you a fellow techy geek too? I never really got the hang of bitcoin mining when the going was good. Did have a balance which might have been a lot of money if I hadn't forgot my wallet details like the idiot I am! :-/
 
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Thereisnothing

Thereisnothing

Enlightened
Jan 4, 2020
1,604
Firstly I dont wish for you to think you are alone and secondly dont go doing anything rash.
You have alot going on in your life right now and some terrible pain and emotions, I can feel it but also relate.
I have many health problems and know how hard that is. When you break up from someone the pain can feel just as though that person has died its a big loss.
When my partner left there was no explanation, he just disappeared and I didn't even know if he was still alive or what had happened, it was hell. I still iss him now 4 years on despite the heartache he put me through.

I think if you are using SN you need to do the prep with stomach a couple days in advance I wouldn't suggest taking the Omaprazole and then try and go through with it straight away. You have pancreatitis, you could seriously end up with some very nasty effects indeed and be in an even worse state than your are physically and mentally if things go wrong. Using a lot of morphine is not a good idea either, it could leave you with very impaired life.

Please try and take a step back. You say you are sending money to your gran so she will have enough to pay for your funeral, if they are the only family you have left then dont you think they will miss you? Are you close to them? I am totally alone in the world family wise. My beloved mum died 7 years ago and only just lost my precious dad before Christmas. The emptiness, numbness and sheer hell I am feeling i cant even describe. I just want to die and join them both but am stuck here. I cant take my life as i am not sure of any method and if its the right thing to do.

Reach out to your gran, tell her how you feel. Please dont make any hurried decisions, talk to us here. I dont have any friends and because of my physical health I have limited quality of life, I've been hurt very badly in love and its one the hardest things to deal with especially when they just go and have no contact. It will take some while to see, but its her with the problem not you, you dont deserve to be unhappy anymore than anyone else.

There maybe intense pain and feeling of no way out right now, I know that first hand, yet there always options however small they maybe.

We are here for you, dont feel alone just because the outside world has let you down, try and give yourself a break and time to see you are worth staying for.
 
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BPD Barbie

BPD Barbie

Visionary
Dec 1, 2019
2,361
Everything is ultimately your choice but please, take a step back and have another look at things. Things can be changed and rectified.
Contact your doctor about your weight, get some help losing it, dig deep and find some motivation. Reach out to your Gran and other family members, maybe they can help you to move back nearer to them or even with them for a while.
Everything is fixable. Please, don't do anything impulsively. My DMs are always open for a chat. We are here with you, you found us and this place. You're never alone now.
 
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M

Mloureiro

Student
Oct 7, 2019
128
Have you thought of Dr. Nowzaradan?
 
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xxelefante

Member
Nov 20, 2019
8
Do not make any decision when in affection and desperation. Wait. Tell yourself: wait 48h. I promise it will pass.
 
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Flippy

Flippy

Felis Sapien
Jan 5, 2020
931
Do not make any decision when in affection and desperation. Wait. Tell yourself: wait 48h. I promise it will pass.
I think that's really good advice :-) I hope that they will post here soon with an update on things.
 
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Flippy

Flippy

Felis Sapien
Jan 5, 2020
931
Hey EBEN30, How are things? Are you ok? Can you post back to let us know? :-)
 
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J

jgm63

Visionary
Oct 28, 2019
2,467
Wishing you a safe onward journey :heart: :heart:
 
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hatewillneverwin

Member
Jul 2, 2019
6
Hey EBEN30, you have the full responsibility for your life. You can do whatever you want. But... before you end it all, why don't you try one more time to fix all this. I mean it will take some time and It won't be easy but you will die soon anyway, just try to make the best out of it. I really think you will be able to create a strong mind. It's all up to you... you just have to be aware of your responsibility and do whatever makes you feel better. Go to a doctor, talk about your back pain. Go outside, try to meet new people, find new things you enjoy doing. DO SOMETHING. Just try one more time to find a purpose in your life, if It doesn't go well, you can still end it... I wish you the best.
 
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D

Deleted member 1465

_
Jul 31, 2018
6,914
Your situation sucks. I hear ya! My situation is not dismilar. You've had some good advice here already. Take a step back if you can and think. Actions taken in panic seldom turn out they way you want them to. We will listen and offer support without judgement. I know it's tough though, I frequently find myself panicking because my situation is so fragile. I hope you can find some calm and manage to find a way forward whatever that is. Just don't rush into anything.
 
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voyager

voyager

Don't you dare go hollow...
Nov 25, 2019
965
Heya, I'm sorry you're in such a mess right now. Have been sitting here a while thinking about something that could cheer you up. Problem is you've always been too rational and wouldn't buy it. Nor did you strike me as one to jump to rash decisions either. Which is why I'm beginning to wonder if you're still with us.

Hope you're okay, but if this is indeed goodbye then I'm sad to see you go. You're a good person and I wish it hadn't come to this. Safe travels, friend.
 
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veren4h92l

veren4h92l

Member
Aug 15, 2019
47
I wish you where not in pain, that's not fair bad circumstances brought harm to one good person you still are.
Hope nothing happend to the woman who cared so much for you.
Often, one can not refrain to endow help to someone who really needs it but can't stand it no more.
I'm softhearted as well but it sucks got too extracted..
I think you're strong whatever decision you make.
I feel sorry for the pain you're in, no one deserves that.
 
AlreadyGone

AlreadyGone

Taking it day by day
Jan 11, 2020
917
I am sorry about your situation and I hope you found peace.
 
P

Pan

Paragon
Oct 24, 2019
914
Firstly I dont wish for you to think you are alone and secondly dont go doing anything rash.
You have alot going on in your life right now and some terrible pain and emotions, I can feel it but also relate.
I have many health problems and know how hard that is. When you break up from someone the pain can feel just as though that person has died its a big loss.
When my partner left there was no explanation, he just disappeared and I didn't even know if he was still alive or what had happened, it was hell. I still iss him now 4 years on despite the heartache he put me through.

I think if you are using SN you need to do the prep with stomach a couple days in advance I wouldn't suggest taking the Omaprazole and then try and go through with it straight away. You have pancreatitis, you could seriously end up with some very nasty effects indeed and be in an even worse state than your are physically and mentally if things go wrong. Using a lot of morphine is not a good idea either, it could leave you with very impaired life.

Please try and take a step back. You say you are sending money to your gran so she will have enough to pay for your funeral, if they are the only family you have left then dont you think they will miss you? Are you close to them? I am totally alone in the world family wise. My beloved mum died 7 years ago and only just lost my precious dad before Christmas. The emptiness, numbness and sheer hell I am feeling i cant even describe. I just want to die and join them both but am stuck here. I cant take my life as i am not sure of any method and if its the right thing to do.

Reach out to your gran, tell her how you feel. Please dont make any hurried decisions, talk to us here. I dont have any friends and because of my physical health I have limited quality of life, I've been hurt very badly in love and its one the hardest things to deal with especially when they just go and have no contact. It will take some while to see, but its her with the problem not you, you dont deserve to be unhappy anymore than anyone else.

There maybe intense pain and feeling of no way out right now, I know that first hand, yet there always options however small they maybe.

We are here for you, dont feel alone just because the outside world has let you down, try and give yourself a break and time to see you are worth staying for.
:heart:
 
issyishere

issyishere

Goodnight and always remember that’s life
Nov 5, 2019
441
Did they ctb? I notice their name is crossed out :aw:
 
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jgm63

Visionary
Oct 28, 2019
2,467
Did they ctb? I notice their name is crossed out :aw:
Well, it would appear so, as far as we can tell...
Hopefully they are in a peaceful place now.....

:heart:
 
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issyishere

issyishere

Goodnight and always remember that’s life
Nov 5, 2019
441
I
Well, it would appear so, as far as we can tell...
Hopefully they are in a peaceful place now.....

:heart:
I hope they're okay but if not, I hope you found the peace you were seeking Eben and I hope you're not hurting anymore. I'm sorry things had to end up like this. I'll be thinking of you when I go to bed :heart: I won't forget you.
 
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Throwmyselfaway

Throwmyselfaway

Not gone yet but soon
Jan 14, 2020
798
Hope you found the peace you are looking for
 
MrOptions

MrOptions

Let it go. This to shall pass.
Jan 6, 2020
178
Sending good vibes to you in any decision you make.
 
enjoy

enjoy

Creature
Dec 20, 2019
337
sending peace and good vibes your way, wherever you may be. :heart:
 

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