sivvie
Wanderer
- Aug 23, 2021
- 84
I've isolated myself from everyone I love out of self-hatred. I feel like I deserve to suffer and be alone and feel the way I feel. I'm a terrible person.
I had everything planned for the SN method, but things became complicated. My source of money for the meto and antacids fell apart, I can't give much more information. There's also the problem of my family being home all the time and us moving to small house so now, not only do I have no privacy and am more likely to get caught, but I also have no antiemetic or antacid.
I ordered a BDSM rope since those are said to be the best for a partial hanging, but I've seen way too many people come back with non-fatal attempts. I'm scared of ending up in a vegetative state, but again I feel like I deserve that because I'm just so disgusting and horrible.
I saw a video of a guy's wife talking about how he ended up in a vegetative state because of a hanging attempt, and was kept like that for 3 years because of his religious mother's selfishness. I think my family would do the same because they're religious as well and have always mistreated me and abused me, they wouldn't care if I suffered. I was set on trying partial but that video caused my SI to flare up and now I feel like there's no hope for dying at all.
I think I'm just going to stay lonely and alone until I go crazy and do something harmful to myself. Or maybe I'll try partial anyway. I don't feel like I even deserve to attempt with SN.
Sorry for the dumb vent. I just have no one else to talk to.
I had everything planned for the SN method, but things became complicated. My source of money for the meto and antacids fell apart, I can't give much more information. There's also the problem of my family being home all the time and us moving to small house so now, not only do I have no privacy and am more likely to get caught, but I also have no antiemetic or antacid.
I ordered a BDSM rope since those are said to be the best for a partial hanging, but I've seen way too many people come back with non-fatal attempts. I'm scared of ending up in a vegetative state, but again I feel like I deserve that because I'm just so disgusting and horrible.
I saw a video of a guy's wife talking about how he ended up in a vegetative state because of a hanging attempt, and was kept like that for 3 years because of his religious mother's selfishness. I think my family would do the same because they're religious as well and have always mistreated me and abused me, they wouldn't care if I suffered. I was set on trying partial but that video caused my SI to flare up and now I feel like there's no hope for dying at all.
I think I'm just going to stay lonely and alone until I go crazy and do something harmful to myself. Or maybe I'll try partial anyway. I don't feel like I even deserve to attempt with SN.
Sorry for the dumb vent. I just have no one else to talk to.