Venting I think I’m finally going to order SN soon

[mossmoth]

As soon as the source in my country is confirmed to be legit, I think I'm ordering from them. I've been suicidal for years but I never felt like it was so close before.

I want to draw and create and share stories, and that is what has keptme going. But i tell that to myself but never do it.

I honestly don't WANT to ctb. If that makes sense. I want to live. but I don't have the energy or motivation to do any of the things I love. When I try to do them and convince myself I love them it just doesn't work.

I'm just so tired. I think we all are

 

[Sbetto]

Will you use the source I gave you? How will you know if it's legitimate?

 

[mossmoth]

Will you use the source I gave you? How will you know if it's legitimate?

I've asked multiple people for sources, and gotten only 2 different sources in Italy. I'm assuming at least one person will either 1. test for N percentage or 2. successfully ctb

 

[KillingPain267]

I honestly don't WANT to ctb. If that makes sense. I want to live. but I don't have the energy or motivation to do any of the things I love. When I try to do them and convince myself I love them it just doesn't work.

I'm just so tired. I think we all are

Same. I often just can't concentrate to even do things I love. I need some kind of mental boost to be able to. But I don't have power if or when the boost comes.

 

[physic1st]

As soon as the source in my country is confirmed to be legit, I think I'm ordering from them. I've been suicidal for years but I never felt like it was so close before.

I want to draw and create and share stories, and that is what has keptme going. But i tell that to myself but never do it.

I honestly don't WANT to ctb. If that makes sense. I want to live. but I don't have the energy or motivation to do any of the things I love. When I try to do them and convince myself I love them it just doesn't work.

I'm just so tired. I think we all are

I get you. There's so many things I want to do, I too convince myself I love some things so I do them, for me it's physics - something I fell in love with but can fail to understand. I just wish I had a stronger passion.


If you want some motivation, just try think of where you want to get to in life - that can get you two places.

 

[KillingPain267]

As soon as the source in my country is confirmed to be legit, I think I'm ordering from them.

Do you mind sharing in chat?

 

[getoutgirl]

Yeah we are tired, and I feel you. Art has kept me going for way longer than I ever expected, and like you I barely ever get the energy or motivation to do anything. I have done Nothing in months. But I keep telling myself one day I'll beat this and do all those things, while also running away and hinding from them because it causes me pain to try and fail to enjoy the things that the better me used to love. I don't know if you experience that too, but the end result is defeat and just wishing to die, which yeah I relate.

If there is still a part or voice in you that wants to create and live amist the suffering and shit you are pulling yourself through, I would encourage you to try and stick to it. Which I know you already have tried for a long time. Can't ask that of you cos I know how exhausting it gets. Only encourage, and hope it gets just a lil easier, somehow. In any case, wish you can have some rest, lots of hugs at ya <333333

 

[mossmoth]

Do you mind sharing in chat?

chats don't work for me, only conversations. you can try starting a chat or a convo if you want to.

Yeah we are tired, and I feel you. Art has kept me going for way longer than I ever expected, and like you I barely ever get the energy or motivation to do anything. I have done Nothing in months. But I keep telling myself one day I'll beat this and do all those things, while also running away and hinding from them because it causes me pain to try and fail to enjoy the things that the better me used to love. I don't know if you experience that too, but the end result is defeat and just wishing to die, which yeah I relate.

If there is still a part or voice in you that wants to create and live amist the suffering and shit you are pulling yourself through, I would encourage you to try and stick to it. Which I know you already have tried for a long time. Can't ask that of you cos I know how exhausting it gets. Only encourage, and hope it gets just a lil easier, somehow. In any case, wish you can have some rest, lots of hugs at ya <333333

thank you. I have tried for a very long time, you are right.