I think I wanna try tonight.

[seekingoblivion]

All I got is a belt and a door handle. People have died this way many times. I don't know how else I'm gonna do it. I am really not looking forward to continuing any of this thing I call my life. I cannot continue to wait for nothing. I'm too so many things to live. If you ask me I'd be doing the world a favor getting rid of me. I'm probably gonna chicken out though. I live with people so I have to wait for them all to sleep. And in doing so I'm probably gonna lose this little push I'm feeling inside my head. I hope I don't though. I really don't want to wake up tomorrow. I really don't want to wake up hating myself cause I couldn't ctb either.

 

[NextSummer]

I know that self-loathing is making suicide easier, but I still wanted to write that I and many others don't consider you something worth "getting rid of".

 

[Halo13]

All I got is a belt and a door handle. People have died this way many times. I don't know how else I'm gonna do it. I am really not looking forward to continuing any of this thing I call my life. I cannot continue to wait for nothing. I'm too so many things to live. If you ask me I'd be doing the world a favor getting rid of me. I'm probably gonna chicken out though. I live with people so I have to wait for them all to sleep. And in doing so I'm probably gonna lose this little push I'm feeling inside my head. I hope I don't though. I really don't want to wake up tomorrow. I really don't want to wake up hating myself cause I couldn't ctb either.

I'm sorry you're suffering so much. I wish I could take all of the sadness and pain away from you. Whichever path you decide on, I hope you find peace and have a pleasant journey getting there.

 

[Dead beat dad]

All I got is a belt and a door handle. People have died this way many times. I don't know how else I'm gonna do it. I am really not looking forward to continuing any of this thing I call my life. I cannot continue to wait for nothing. I'm too so many things to live. If you ask me I'd be doing the world a favor getting rid of me. I'm probably gonna chicken out though. I live with people so I have to wait for them all to sleep. And in doing so I'm probably gonna lose this little push I'm feeling inside my head. I hope I don't though. I really don't want to wake up tomorrow. I really don't want to wake up hating myself cause I couldn't ctb either.

I am so sorry to hear about your pain brother.
You sound like you're in the darkest of places.
I know very well that feeling of being trapped in self loathing; tired of living, scared of dying. It comes up here and I reflect on this a lot.
I sincerely hope you can find courage friend, and that courage leads you to the things that you seek and that all of your pain is washed away and you feel nothing but calm and peace.
Peace be with you brother.
DBD

 

[JadedGray]

All I got is a belt and a door handle. People have died this way many times. I don't know how else I'm gonna do it. I am really not looking forward to continuing any of this thing I call my life. I cannot continue to wait for nothing. I'm too so many things to live. If you ask me I'd be doing the world a favor getting rid of me. I'm probably gonna chicken out though. I live with people so I have to wait for them all to sleep. And in doing so I'm probably gonna lose this little push I'm feeling inside my head. I hope I don't though. I really don't want to wake up tomorrow. I really don't want to wake up hating myself cause I couldn't ctb either.

I'm sorry you're suffering. I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make.

 

[dreamstobebroken]

I hope you'll find the peace you need and that the pain will be taken away eventually whatever way you'll choose.

 

[dandan]

oh my I'm fucking envying you right now
such decision I mean
Its very hard for me,
wether you do it or not, I wish you some peace

 

[pane]

"in the darkest of places...trapped in self loathing; tired of living, scared of dying..."

Dead Beat Dad in your reply to Seekingoblivion you've summed up my daily reality just about perfectly; although it's his thread I couldn't resist adding my thoughts.

At 48 I've screwed things up for myself so thoroughly through stupid decisions, shortsightedness and failing years ago to address my internal problems/issues - things that were right in front of my face, that I knew without question were hurting me - that would've lead to a much better life today that I'm now stuck in an existence I can't stand, yet my instinct for self-preservation is still strong enough that I can't bring myself to end it all even though I don't believe in or care about much anymore, have little hope about my future and just "exist" through one day after another.

 

[Allpainnogain]

"in the darkest of places...trapped in self loathing; tired of living, scared of dying..."

Dead Beat Dad in your reply to Seekingoblivion you've summed up my daily reality just about perfectly; although it's his thread I couldn't resist adding my thoughts.

At 48 I've screwed things up for myself so thoroughly through stupid decisions, shortsightedness and failing years ago to address my internal problems/issues - things that were right in front of my face, that I knew without question were hurting me - that would've lead to a much better life today that I'm now stuck in an existence I can't stand, yet my instinct for self-preservation is still strong enough that I can't bring myself to end it all even though I don't believe in or care about much anymore, have little hope about my future and just "exist" through one day after another.

I feel very similarly

 

[seekingoblivion]

I'm fucking struggling to do it. First the belt slipped out of the knot a few times and now I'm finding it hard to find the artery so I'm getting strangled instead and the pressure is too fucking much. Maybe I just don't want to do this. If I did I would have pushed through or figured it out already or I don't know. Fuck I feel stupid

oh my I'm fucking envying you right now
such decision I mean
Its very hard for me,
wether you do it or not, I wish you some peace

Nothing to envy mate. I'm a failure at suicide as with other things.

I am so sorry to hear about your pain brother.
You sound like you're in the darkest of places.
I know very well that feeling of being trapped in self loathing; tired of living, scared of dying. It comes up here and I reflect on this a lot.
I sincerely hope you can find courage friend, and that courage leads you to the things that you seek and that all of your pain is washed away and you feel nothing but calm and peace.
Peace be with you brother.
DBD

Tired of living, scared of dying. That pretty much sums it up for me. Thank you for your response.