Venting I think I love her! So I will let her go

[lost_one]

I think I love her, I can say it out loud now because it doesn't matter anymore, but I will never get to say it to her, cause it would be to too selfish to cruel, it would only hurt her more.

There sre so many places I wanted to take her, so many thing I wanted to do with her. I hate myself. I am going to miss you so much, for so long.

I have to let her go, I need to stop torturing her, that what called it, torture. It's not her fault and she didn't say it to be mean, she is too afraid to let go. So I will be the villan, for her I will be the villan, so she can let go of me and move on with her life. And find someone who will love her the way she want's and needs.

I have this stupid passenger song stuck in my head - Let her go.

And I can't tell anyone, no one would understand, not even my stupid therapist, I've only known her for a little over two months how can I love her? I don't know and hell maybe I am wrong, I have never loved or been loved in my life... but I think it's love and that is what matters to me right now. Cause in my head I've known for a while now, I just couldn't admit it.

God I wish I was dead, cause it hurts so much. I am never going to see her again. She was the only good thing in my life.

"And my soul...shall be lifted - never more."

 

[Dejected 55]

I understand this too much. I am sorry for you. I am being driven to my own suicide because of this exact kind of situation, though.

 

[lil dwayne]

Been there mate, I regreat letting her go more then anything else ive ever done or will do. If you can, you should fight to be with her, its better.

 

[Wolf Girl]

You can love someone after 2 months. It's just a strong emotion, there aren't any particular requirements for it to be real. I'm so sorry that you feel like you can't be with the person you love.

 

[lost_one]

You can love someone after 2 months. It's just a strong emotion, there aren't any particular requirements for it to be real. I'm so sorry that you feel like you can't be with the person you love.

Well... I am due to start on medication... I am scared of it. Lithium and Vortioxetine. Let's see if I will feel anything at all after they kick in.

Been there mate, I regreat letting her go more then anything else ive ever done or will do. If you can, you should fight to be with her, its better.

Well yeah, but we are not right fo eachother I think, she wants a throuple (you know a relationship with 3 people, I don't) also right now she says she doesn't want anything serious...I do. So I went over to talk to her and end things. She said I am not going to change, I wish I would but I won't this is where I stand and either have to accept that or not.

I don't know if I can accept those terms, so we argued for the entire afternoon. My rational and cold brain tells me I should have ended things then and there. But my baby emotional side was too afraid to be alone again, even if she is hurting me. I don't want to lose her. Stupid in my opinion. So I rang my therapist. Pathetic.

She told me to give myself a timer like 2 months or something and if things don't improve...then leave. Part of me thinks that is just delaying the inevitable.

So... you know bottom line I hate life. I wish I was dead