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przeciwwymiotne

Be rude to me at all times, I don't deserve kindne
Jun 27, 2022
325
I've been through a lot. I'm disabled and depressed. I just want someone to love me unconditionally and offer to take care of me for the rest of our lives.
I want to be a kid again. I want to be innocent and amazed with the world. I want to rest.

I always wanted a kid, now I can't have kids because I'm to disabled to take care of them + I want someone to take care of me so I'm not in a well enough mental state to be a parent

I want someone to always be there, include me, never abandon me, be patient, loving, allow me to rest, be quiet, be sad, cry, be happy when I'm happy. I want a caretaker. I've had enough. My life was too hard.

I'm afraid I won't be able to finish university and even if then it'll be hard af to keep a job. I'm avoidant, lazy, I have flare-ups and inflammatory responses almost every day.
Even my psychiatrist told me it's hopeless if I don't change cuz 'Life is just hard and I'm a failure'. Honestly fuck him but he's right, I'm a failure.

I fall asleep with hopes of dying in my sleep yet I somehow still try every day. Some days are even good sometimes. But it's nowhere near 'normal functioning'.

I gotta apply for a disability but I'm procrastinating it. I wouldn't be doing anything if it weren't for my boyfriend. He helps me a lot, but he then throws tantrums and blames me and says he doesn't wanna take care of me constantly. But then he says he does idk. I'm tired
 

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