thelittleprincess
the billboard said "the end is near"
- Dec 5, 2025
- 29
I don't even know what to do. I'm spiraling. I think I fucked everything up and there's literally nothing I can do.
Back in July 2025, I was 17 and very suicidal. I joined Hello Poetry, a website where you can, as the name says, post poetry. I'd been writing a lot that week and wanted somewhere to put it, idk, maybe as a last-ditch grab for attention. I've always had this weird craving for people to worry about me. Anyways, I kept noticing this guy (I'll call him CJ), we commented under a lot of the same poems, and his location was set to Asteroid B-12. I DM'd him asking if that was a Little Prince reference, and that got us talking about the book, then the movie, then we just kept talking and talking and talking. We talked about anything and everything, for hours, and we just clicked.
On the second day after we met, he asked me if I was planning to kill myself. I told him yes. He briefly tried to talk me out of it, but I asked him not to so he stopped. We went on as normal. It was a shitty week for me. I called my best friend to tell them about CJ. I couldn't stop talking about him, thinking about him. We sort of flirted here and there but it was really tentative, since I wasn't planning on being around long enough to meet him in person as he lives 9 hours away from me and he was also 17. And at that time neither of us had our own cars.
He has extremely strict parents, so HePo was our only form of communication. You can't send pictures over messages on there, but we sort of face revealed by making selfies our pfp's. We both admitted we were attracted to each other. We discussed the possibility of us being soulmates, since we had the same taste in movies, books, music, everything. Finally, he asked me to come visit him someday in the future, when we were both free of our awful family lives and could travel as we wished. I told him yes. And I decided to live.
And we spoke for four more weeks. And then I ghosted him. Out of nowhere. No leadup, no explanation. It wasn't even intentional at first. It just became so exhausting to talk to literally anyone. I think I was probably depressed, and there were other factors too, but it wasn't an excuse. I knew what he would think. I knew he'd assume I'd ended my life. And after a month of not speaking, I decided to let him believe that. I decided it was too late to try and reach out again.
I checked my messages once, and he had messaged three times. Asking, begging me to come back. To be okay. The more time went on, the more ashamed I became, and the more I tried to forget it ever happened.
Fast forward to last week.
I recently broke up with my boyfriend because I wasn't in love with him (and he kept pushing my boundaries but that's a whole other story), and I realized that, more than anything, I just wanted CJ back. I just wanted to talk to him again. And maybe it was selfish of me, and I should have left it alone, but I finally reached out, with a very genuine apology and a brief explanation. He didn't answer for a day or two, and I accepted that he didn't want to speak to me anymore. But then he did. He called me a douchebag, cussed me out, told me he'd been hounding the news of the town where I live, praying that he wouldn't see me dead. And he told me to never push him away again.
I was so relieved, I was ready to go back to normal with him and to meet and just be free. And I asked him if we could try again.
I never got to see his answer. HelloPoetry moved to a new site that day, and I haven't been able to open my inbox. I tried commenting under his poems. Nothing. I posted my email, begging him to contact me there. Nothing. I don't know what to do, he probably thinks I've just disappeared again after promising not to. I don't know what to do. I have no other way to contact him, I don't have his email and he doesn't have any socials, I just don't know what to do. I feel like I just got him back only to have him ripped away from me again. Three nights in a row this week I've almost ended it all but stopped with just the sliver of hope that I'll be able to talk to him again. Someday. Somehow.
Once I'm financially stable and have a working car, I'm going to his town. I know the town he's in. I'll figure out his school, I don't care what kind of stalker-y shit I have to do just for the chance that I can speak to him again. I can only hope he contacts me before then so it doesn't come to that.
Back in July 2025, I was 17 and very suicidal. I joined Hello Poetry, a website where you can, as the name says, post poetry. I'd been writing a lot that week and wanted somewhere to put it, idk, maybe as a last-ditch grab for attention. I've always had this weird craving for people to worry about me. Anyways, I kept noticing this guy (I'll call him CJ), we commented under a lot of the same poems, and his location was set to Asteroid B-12. I DM'd him asking if that was a Little Prince reference, and that got us talking about the book, then the movie, then we just kept talking and talking and talking. We talked about anything and everything, for hours, and we just clicked.
On the second day after we met, he asked me if I was planning to kill myself. I told him yes. He briefly tried to talk me out of it, but I asked him not to so he stopped. We went on as normal. It was a shitty week for me. I called my best friend to tell them about CJ. I couldn't stop talking about him, thinking about him. We sort of flirted here and there but it was really tentative, since I wasn't planning on being around long enough to meet him in person as he lives 9 hours away from me and he was also 17. And at that time neither of us had our own cars.
He has extremely strict parents, so HePo was our only form of communication. You can't send pictures over messages on there, but we sort of face revealed by making selfies our pfp's. We both admitted we were attracted to each other. We discussed the possibility of us being soulmates, since we had the same taste in movies, books, music, everything. Finally, he asked me to come visit him someday in the future, when we were both free of our awful family lives and could travel as we wished. I told him yes. And I decided to live.
And we spoke for four more weeks. And then I ghosted him. Out of nowhere. No leadup, no explanation. It wasn't even intentional at first. It just became so exhausting to talk to literally anyone. I think I was probably depressed, and there were other factors too, but it wasn't an excuse. I knew what he would think. I knew he'd assume I'd ended my life. And after a month of not speaking, I decided to let him believe that. I decided it was too late to try and reach out again.
I checked my messages once, and he had messaged three times. Asking, begging me to come back. To be okay. The more time went on, the more ashamed I became, and the more I tried to forget it ever happened.
Fast forward to last week.
I recently broke up with my boyfriend because I wasn't in love with him (and he kept pushing my boundaries but that's a whole other story), and I realized that, more than anything, I just wanted CJ back. I just wanted to talk to him again. And maybe it was selfish of me, and I should have left it alone, but I finally reached out, with a very genuine apology and a brief explanation. He didn't answer for a day or two, and I accepted that he didn't want to speak to me anymore. But then he did. He called me a douchebag, cussed me out, told me he'd been hounding the news of the town where I live, praying that he wouldn't see me dead. And he told me to never push him away again.
I was so relieved, I was ready to go back to normal with him and to meet and just be free. And I asked him if we could try again.
I never got to see his answer. HelloPoetry moved to a new site that day, and I haven't been able to open my inbox. I tried commenting under his poems. Nothing. I posted my email, begging him to contact me there. Nothing. I don't know what to do, he probably thinks I've just disappeared again after promising not to. I don't know what to do. I have no other way to contact him, I don't have his email and he doesn't have any socials, I just don't know what to do. I feel like I just got him back only to have him ripped away from me again. Three nights in a row this week I've almost ended it all but stopped with just the sliver of hope that I'll be able to talk to him again. Someday. Somehow.
Once I'm financially stable and have a working car, I'm going to his town. I know the town he's in. I'll figure out his school, I don't care what kind of stalker-y shit I have to do just for the chance that I can speak to him again. I can only hope he contacts me before then so it doesn't come to that.
