The last two times at my self-help group there was a new woman there. She looks pretty good. She is also really my type. She is friends with the chemistry master student I once dated. They know each other from a clinic stay (which I suggested to the chemistry master student).
The thing is I get easily paranoid when I meet women. I called them love delusions. I interpret a lot in facial expressions and minor gestures. And always when I realize it was a delusion it makes me very depressed and suicidal. This happened quite some times in my self-help group. Interestingly, the only women where I did not have love delusions Was the chemistry master student. But actually she was the one with the most interest in me. Which is ironic and might prove that my thinking when it comes to women rather distorted is. I have to internalize that.
Though I thought the New woman I did not understand her name clearly considered me funny because she laughed when I cracked some jokes.
After the first meeting I thought she is interesting but probably not interested in me anyway. I don't even know whether she has a bf. At the second meeting something interesting happened. She opened up that she had a psychosis. And exactly the same diagnosis as me. She even Was in the same clinic with all these junkies.
This opened the Chance for an interesting conversation. We talked in the Group mostly. I Was talkative but I think I am good at that. Bullshitting people how smart I Was. But I dropped some good jokes. We also talked how stigmatized psychosis are.
After the meeting something even more interesting happened. Our group split the chemistry master student intialized that. And I was alone with her. I did not freeze which sometimes happens. I Was able to talk with her. I think our chemistry was good.
Something I am really confused. I thought the chemistry master student might still be interested me after I friendzoned her. She has a bf and plays games with Boys and I don't want to participate in that. I wonder though if she wants to couple me and her friend. I might saved her relationship with my advice that she should stick to her bf. Who knows?
I think key Issues of mine are. My mind exaggerates how much my Crush is interested in me. We had really good conversations but we only met twice thus far. We have not exchanged phone numbers yet. But maybe the experience of psychosis unites us? I did want to ask for her number maybe this would have been too early?
She told the group during her psychosis she had a strong fear of being raped. She also has PTSD. I think I can make a rhyme out of that. Does this idiom exist on English? Maybe she looks for a partner that is empathic and understanding on this issue. However, I think of a woman looks that good she can choose a partner basically. She also told me she still has some paranoid thoughts from time to time. They did not fully disappear. We were both at the Bus station surrounded by others. Does this imply she Was scared that I might rape her? (or that a stranger would do it?) I did not get this feeling of her though.
I see a real problem though. She currently stops taking her antipsychotic medication and from my experience, from the experience of most people I met this is a pretty bad mistake. I suggested her to wait with that. We sadly had no time to fully discuss it and I did not want to mansplain to her. I don't know the motives for that. Side effects are often a personal issue. Maybe one time I will never See her again because she hospitalized because of a new psychosis. I hope I can get her number beforehand.
The thing is I get easily paranoid when I meet women. I called them love delusions. I interpret a lot in facial expressions and minor gestures. And always when I realize it was a delusion it makes me very depressed and suicidal. This happened quite some times in my self-help group. Interestingly, the only women where I did not have love delusions Was the chemistry master student. But actually she was the one with the most interest in me. Which is ironic and might prove that my thinking when it comes to women rather distorted is. I have to internalize that.
Though I thought the New woman I did not understand her name clearly considered me funny because she laughed when I cracked some jokes.
After the first meeting I thought she is interesting but probably not interested in me anyway. I don't even know whether she has a bf. At the second meeting something interesting happened. She opened up that she had a psychosis. And exactly the same diagnosis as me. She even Was in the same clinic with all these junkies.
This opened the Chance for an interesting conversation. We talked in the Group mostly. I Was talkative but I think I am good at that. Bullshitting people how smart I Was. But I dropped some good jokes. We also talked how stigmatized psychosis are.
After the meeting something even more interesting happened. Our group split the chemistry master student intialized that. And I was alone with her. I did not freeze which sometimes happens. I Was able to talk with her. I think our chemistry was good.
Something I am really confused. I thought the chemistry master student might still be interested me after I friendzoned her. She has a bf and plays games with Boys and I don't want to participate in that. I wonder though if she wants to couple me and her friend. I might saved her relationship with my advice that she should stick to her bf. Who knows?
I think key Issues of mine are. My mind exaggerates how much my Crush is interested in me. We had really good conversations but we only met twice thus far. We have not exchanged phone numbers yet. But maybe the experience of psychosis unites us? I did want to ask for her number maybe this would have been too early?
She told the group during her psychosis she had a strong fear of being raped. She also has PTSD. I think I can make a rhyme out of that. Does this idiom exist on English? Maybe she looks for a partner that is empathic and understanding on this issue. However, I think of a woman looks that good she can choose a partner basically. She also told me she still has some paranoid thoughts from time to time. They did not fully disappear. We were both at the Bus station surrounded by others. Does this imply she Was scared that I might rape her? (or that a stranger would do it?) I did not get this feeling of her though.
I see a real problem though. She currently stops taking her antipsychotic medication and from my experience, from the experience of most people I met this is a pretty bad mistake. I suggested her to wait with that. We sadly had no time to fully discuss it and I did not want to mansplain to her. I don't know the motives for that. Side effects are often a personal issue. Maybe one time I will never See her again because she hospitalized because of a new psychosis. I hope I can get her number beforehand.
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