X
xzyxzy
Member
- Jan 9, 2023
- 11
Like most people here I think a lot about CTB and I just wanted to share my thought:
For some reason I just can't enjoy life like other people can. I struggle a lot. I can't really make friend, I just can't connect to other people. I'm constantly sad, I don't really enjoy my hobbies anymore. My eating has become really disordered, I binge a lot and it makes me so unhappy with my own body. I struggle with SH. I have tried so so so f*ing hard to get better. I do all the things that supposedly make your life better, like eating healthy , exercising, picking up new hobbies, spending time outside, joining a club to do activities with people your own age, being mindful and so on. I don't know if I actually want to be death. But I just want this to end. I'm exhausted. I can't do it anymore. I never wanna get up again. I don want to leave my parents and little brother behind. I love them. But at this point I feel like maybe I just deserve peace. I struggled for years and I did my best for years.
I imagine death as a state of perfect neutrality. I think life is pretty useless anyway. We're all gonna die and we don't have a purpose. (I'm not religious or anything) But I just can't stop thinking about my family. But maybe this time I have to put myself first. I just don't think I can do this much longer.
For some reason I just can't enjoy life like other people can. I struggle a lot. I can't really make friend, I just can't connect to other people. I'm constantly sad, I don't really enjoy my hobbies anymore. My eating has become really disordered, I binge a lot and it makes me so unhappy with my own body. I struggle with SH. I have tried so so so f*ing hard to get better. I do all the things that supposedly make your life better, like eating healthy , exercising, picking up new hobbies, spending time outside, joining a club to do activities with people your own age, being mindful and so on. I don't know if I actually want to be death. But I just want this to end. I'm exhausted. I can't do it anymore. I never wanna get up again. I don want to leave my parents and little brother behind. I love them. But at this point I feel like maybe I just deserve peace. I struggled for years and I did my best for years.
I imagine death as a state of perfect neutrality. I think life is pretty useless anyway. We're all gonna die and we don't have a purpose. (I'm not religious or anything) But I just can't stop thinking about my family. But maybe this time I have to put myself first. I just don't think I can do this much longer.