Venting I take advantage of people and manipulate them

[Stinger4771]

I tried to do the right thing by ending a long term relationship, because I knew I didn't love her and was just taking advantage.
After, she tore her arms to shreds and took an overdose.
I saved her, but I didn't feel much of anything. I continued to take advantage.
She has left now, she is safe. I am devastated, but I deserve it.
I think the world would be better off without me.

 

[deadmansnorting]

Why do you play these games with people?

 

[Stinger4771]

I don't mean to. I just don't want them to leave me.

 

[deadmansnorting]

Have you read the 48 laws of power?

 

[bedhead_baby]

I know it's not a cure-all, but have you gone to therapy? Or talked to anyone about the way you feel?

I think if you know you do shitty things, and you don't necessarily want to hurt people, you just don't know how to stop, then the world would not be better without you.

You don't have control over what you feel, or don't feel. But what we do control are our actions moving forward.

 

[sosoft_sogentle]

I had a boyfriend who I loved very much but truthfully I was unable to show that to him. I lied to him about cheating on him, told him I hated him and manipulated him. I don't even know why. I've grown and learned but I experience a limerence and a deep guilt and blame myself for all of his issues.

He wants nothing to do with me and I understand why but it hurts more than anything and worst of all I deserved this. I attempted to claw my way back into his life through social media and begging but he had none of it and blocked me before deleting his accounts. He became so cruel and would insult me so personally, telling me he never loved me and sharing our intimate conversations and pictures of me along with my full name to his friends to mock me.

When I had him I manipulated him. I lost him but my love never died. I just couldn't show it. I grew up in a house of pathological lying and dysfunction and this was all I knew love to be. I want to die to ensure he gets a vengeance he deserves as I destroyed his mental health. What I did in the grand scheme of things wasn't very severe I faked a cheating, the man I did it with didn't even exist so he would leave me, but my bf was a missing stair narc who manipulated me to inflate his broken ego.


I understand you, but consider if someone tells you you're horrible and manipulative you might behave that way going forward

 

[𖣂𖣂𖣂.]

I tried to do the right thing by ending a long term relationship, because I knew I didn't love her and was just taking advantage.
After, she tore her arms to shreds and took an overdose.
I saved her, but I didn't feel much of anything. I continued to take advantage.
She has left now, she is safe. I am devastated, but I deserve it.
I think the world would be better off without me.

I'm happy your aware.

 

[アホペンギン]

You should probably consider checking out a therapist, maybe theres a reason why you're like this.. I mean, it may not be your fault completely because of your mental state. And if you don't love someone then it makes sense to leave them as you don't feel any joy while being in their company. So, i don't think that you're horrible, I haven't had the chance to get to know you in person but i feel that you can change, just get help and try not to think about the negative things that would make you a manipulative person when you ever happen to befriend someone new or just when you talk to your friends. If your friends don't regard you as a good person because they find that you're manipulative you could maybe try repairing the relationship. Thats my only advice. You could even end the friendship too but i understand that would be very hard since in your case, i assume its probably hard to make friends because of how you are. If you ever make new friends please take my advice and be nice, people can respect you and you can have higher self esteem. (if this comment was offensive in any way, i'm sorry, i'm not the best at giving advice in terms of friendships or relationships. If i helped, then i'm glad.)

 

[Stinger4771]

have you gone to therapy? Or talked to anyone about the way you feel?

I tried it therapy, online, a couple years ago. I don't think it helped, and I gave it up shortly after starting.
Recently I have talked to people about what is happening.
But one of the only people I trusted has left me and told me to stop talking to her, because of the way I am.
I don't realise I'm hurting people until after the fact. I don't know how to stop.

telling me he never loved me and sharing our intimate conversations and pictures of me along with my full name to his friends to mock me.

I'm so sorry. The guilt is the hardest part for me, and of course they want to complain about the way I acted. I want to make it up to them but I know I will just mistreat them again.

if someone tells you you're horrible and manipulative you might behave that way going forward

I guess we become whatever we believe we are

 

[sosoft_sogentle]

I guess we become whatever we believe we are

I think, therefore I am.