I suspect I had covid last month. I felt SI for the first time in my life.

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I've tried to kill myself dozens of times over the past 20 years. Obviously all attempts were unsuccessful... I never felt SI when attempting or planning to kill myself. I've never had any life-threatening disease or been in a dangerous accident that would otherwise elicit SI within me.

But last month I suspect I had covid. I couldn't get tested [I don't drive and as a cripple, I couldn't walk the 10+ miles each way to the only testing location in my city], but I became ill shortly after going to a restaurant for dine-in for the first time since pre-covid. I had extreme breathing difficulties for almost a week--my asthma inhaler didn't help in the least. When I say difficulties, I mean it--when trying to fall asleep, I would lay in bed gasping and panting. I found myself terrified that I would die in my sleep. I was also extremely fatigued that week. Even eating a premade, microwaved meal exhausted me. I was panting and fell over in bed and almost fell asleep, just expending the energy to microwave/eat some shitty food. It's been a few weeks and I'm still fatigued by almost everything I do. Taking the bus to buy groceries is barely doable, I almost fall over trying to get that done.

I definitely regret that I didn't die in my sleep.

 

[Lost Magic]

I've tried to kill myself dozens of times over the past 20 years. Obviously all attempts were unsuccessful... I never felt SI when attempting or planning to kill myself. I've never had any life-threatening disease or been in a dangerous accident that would otherwise elicit SI within me.

But last month I suspect I had covid. I couldn't get tested [I don't drive and as a cripple, I couldn't walk the 10+ miles each way to the only testing location in my city], but I became ill shortly after going to a restaurant for dine-in for the first time since pre-covid. I had extreme breathing difficulties for almost a week--my asthma inhaler didn't help in the least. When I say difficulties, I mean it--when trying to fall asleep, I would lay in bed gasping and panting. I found myself terrified that I would die in my sleep. I was also extremely fatigued that week. Even eating a premade, microwaved meal exhausted me. I was panting and fell over in bed and almost fell asleep, just expending the energy to microwave/eat some shitty food. It's been a few weeks and I'm still fatigued by almost everything I do. Taking the bus to buy groceries is barely doable, I almost fall over trying to get that done.

I definitely regret that I didn't die in my sleep.

have you been tested for covid?

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really awful what you have been through, I'm sorry you are suffering. I wish I could just die in my sleep and be free from existence. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

have you been tested for covid?

Did you even read my post? It specifically says 1) I could not be tested, and 2) why I could not be tested.

 

[Lost Magic]

Did you even read my post? It specifically says 1) I could not be tested, and 2) why I could not be tested.

well you need to phone an ambulance or something, unless you want to die like this (if it is covid). It depends what you are after. That's why I feel fortunate enough to have Sodium Nitrite, because when life gets to that point of struggling, I have a good easy available exit strategy.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

well you need to phone an ambulance or something, unless you want to die like this (if it is covid). It depends what you are after. That's why I feel fortunate enough to have Sodium Nitrite, because when life gets to that point of struggling, I have a good easy available exit strategy.

I also said it was last month. I've recovered now.

 

[Makko]

I've had it in spring 2020. Also breathing difficulties and very high fever that caused me to hallucinate. Also dehydration because for a time I didn't have the strength to get up to get water. At one point it felt like I was close to death but I didn't feel any particular way about it. Just business as usual, in a way. Then it wore off and I got back to living like nothing happened.

 

[NotStrongEnough]

Did you even read my post? It specifically says 1) I could not be tested, and 2) why I could not be tested.

I read your post. I want you to know that I heard you. I've hoped more than once that I would get covid, but I don't leave my house. I've become somewhat of an agoraphobic. Giant hugs to you...