Venting I stopped talking to my friends.

[imademypicture]

Hi, this is my first post on this site. I'm a 3rd year college student. My classes had resumed on Monday after a 1 ½ month summer vacation. My parents live abroad and I'm staying alone in a studio apartment. Vacations had given me a lot of time to be with myself and my thoughts. I wasn't able to hang out with any of my close friends.

They were all "busy" or had excuses.
I ended up travelling to places alone, went to movies alone, went shopping alone, etc. I invest a lot of love and sometimes pay for their coffee, lunch and stuff for my friend/s. I don't ask for favours in return. I feel I've wasted time, effort and mentally exhausted myself trying to be a good friend.

Not many know about my depression and suicidal ideations. Maybe just 1 or 2 know my struggles. My friends consider me to be that funny/edgy guy but I've lost interest in entertaining anyone at this point. I find peace coming back home and being away from them. I'm saving some money so that I can buy myself a motorcycle to travel places I've not been to. I don't want to invest my time, money or energy on them anymore.

I am concerned if I can rely on them once we all graduate out of college and the lack of constant reassurance of their interest in me makes me wonder if should just end it all.

 

[Ready124]

I'm pretty much on my own too. I have cut out my family / friends because I find it too exhausting and most of them would only come to my funeral for attention sakes anyhow. Though, in my opinion you need to start putting you first. It's horrible when give out love and care and it's not retuned in the same manner but don't waste your energy on it. Xx

 

[imademypicture]

I'm pretty much on my own too. I have cut out my family / friends because I find it too exhausting and most of them would only come to my funeral for attention sakes anyhow. Though, in my opinion you need to start putting you first. It's horrible when give out love and care and it's not retuned in the same manner but don't waste your energy on it. Xx

I find it exhausting too. I'm usually the one who starts the conversation with my friends and entertain them.
I am trying to take care of myself but I find it hard to control myself when I'm depressed on some days. I've made this horrible atmosphere at college where everyone expects me to be the funny dude doing wacky stuff. It suffocates me, I don't know how to break free from it. I haven't been low for a few weeks so it's alright for now. I go home really quickly just as the classes end, I don't stay back to talk with friends or anything.

 

[StillWaiting]

Wish I can totally give up on my friends. Not that anyone actually care about me that much but somehow I still hope someone will care about me.

It kinda sucks to be having hopes on others but knowing that you probably won't get anything from the people who you hope will care about you.

 

[AlePizarnik]

I'm on the same situation, no friends and I cannot relate to anyone. I'm tired of chasing people.

 

[MissNietzsche]

Same. I haven't talked to a single friend since last year. The only friend I had was my boyfriend, but he left me because I made him depressed. Now I literally talk to no one. I literally have no friends, and I'm not saying that as a hyperbole.

 

[pole]

did this when my school year ended back in may. deleted all my social media and kind of went ghost and ignored text messages. i guess we usually do this to escape from everyone and everything.

 

[imademypicture]

Wish I can totally give up on my friends. Not that anyone actually care about me that much but somehow I still hope someone will care about me.

It kinda sucks to be having hopes on others but knowing that you probably won't get anything from the people who you hope will care about you.

I hope too that someone would care about me. They say they care about us when they see us cry during our low times but I wish I could be reassured from time to time that I matter.

 

[StillWaiting]

I hope too that someone would care about me. They say they care about us when they see us cry during our low times but I wish I could be reassured from time to time that I matter.

Yeah me too.
I want people to talk to me like how they do with their friends. Sadly they don't

 

[Vegrau]

Hi, this is my first post on this site. I'm a 3rd year college student. My classes had resumed on Monday after a 1 ½ month summer vacation. My parents live abroad and I'm staying alone in a studio apartment. Vacations had given me a lot of time to be with myself and my thoughts. I wasn't able to hang out with any of my close friends.

They were all "busy" or had excuses.
I ended up travelling to places alone, went to movies alone, went shopping alone, etc. I invest a lot of love and sometimes pay for their coffee, lunch and stuff for my friend/s. I don't ask for favours in return. I feel I've wasted time, effort and mentally exhausted myself trying to be a good friend.

Not many know about my depression and suicidal ideations. Maybe just 1 or 2 know my struggles. My friends consider me to be that funny/edgy guy but I've lost interest in entertaining anyone at this point. I find peace coming back home and being away from them. I'm saving some money so that I can buy myself a motorcycle to travel places I've not been to. I don't want to invest my time, money or energy on them anymore.

I am concerned if I can rely on them once we all graduate out of college and the lack of constant reassurance of their interest in me makes me wonder if should just end it all.

Youre still young. Experience the life as you should. As much as you could. And everything you ever want to do. Then later decide whether you want to end it or not. Just know that most people are shallow. Dont waste your time chasing after them or care about them. People stick around you because they have something they want from you. Learn to identify that. What is it they want and filter them accordingly to your need. People whom you thought were close may not feel the same way. Never expect other to feel the same way as you. Never.

 

[8yy8uiyhbij]

The same thing happened to me (second year university student) all I got was busy or what seemed like excuses. I made some lovely friends online that I enjoy talking to. But I know it won't last forever and I'm dreading the day I stop talking to them, it sounds cliche but from some of my behaviour I'm surprised they bother with me

 

[imademypicture]

Youre still young. Experience the life as you should. As much as you could. And everything you ever want to do. Then later decide whether you want to end it or not. Just know that most people are shallow. Dont waste your time chasing after them or care about them. People stick around you because they have something they want from you. Learn to identify that. What is it they want and filter them accordingly to your need. People whom you thought were close may not feel the same way. Never expect other to feel the same way as you. Never.

Maybe that's my problem. I expect them to treat me the same way I treat them....

 

[Vegrau]

Maybe that's my problem. I expect them to treat me the same way I treat them....

The thing is we can never measure or understand each other's feeling. Because we all have different point of view. Different experience growing up. Different desires. Things we deem as important and not. With so much differences between people how can everyone feel something in the same way? Just do what you think is right. Do your part. Just be yourself as long as you dont harm others. *Pats*