Venting I shouldn't go to a psychologist and say I'm a csa survivor

[Space Outlaw Bunny]

I have been seeing a new psychiatrist for some time. They selected the right medications for me, which also worked in the past, and the previous psychiatrist didn't want to assign them to me. I think I getting better since the last few months and they're good psychiatrist btw. I was referred to a psychologist, and I've never had any luck with them. And it happened again. I hate it when they force words into my mouth that I didn't say and drag it out, even though I tell it like it is. I talked about my traumas and they always making excuses for the people who hurt me. Now it was even worse when I started saying I'm a csa survivor. Fuck, how can you tell a person who was molested by a family member "but how so?" as if it was taken from a soap opera and imply that it happened because maybe he was drunk or mentally unhealthy from old age, and then he stopped and let me go because I started crying and he started feeling guilty. It was like everything was my fault because I was a child who didn't know at all what any form of sexual assault and grooming was and I went to him when he called me and there was no one there and I didn't tell anyone and my mind blocked it out for years virtually immediately and I don't know if there was ever anything that hinted at his pedophilic inclinations before and after and I have trouble putting many events on a timeline/memory problems (maybe childhood amnesia or trauma or both). I almost had a nervous breakdown but calmed down when I cried, but unlike my new psychiatrist when it was similar, there was no reaction. I don't want to go back there, but I can't afford to go to a private psychologist, I'll only go there once or twice to complete the psychological diagnosis or not. I also know that I am not going to bring up my problems about my gender. Since the appointment, I've had even more trouble sleeping, sedatives aren't working, I'm eating less and less, and I feel like I could pass out at any moment. I hope I die before I go there again.

 

[Desire123]

I hope you find what your looking for

 

[FuneralCry]

That just sounds so awful what you've had to endure, it's certainly such a horrible world we exist in where humans just create so much harm, but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Desire123]

That just sounds so awful what you've had to endure, it's certainly such a horrible world we exist in where humans just create so much harm, but anyway I wish you the best.

What have you had to endure with If you don't mind me asking

 

[AllFoxedOut]

I'm so sorry. I am also a csa survivor. it's hard to tell where the abuse ends and the mental illness starts. I don't have words that can help you but I do relate