I should want to end it but I can't.

[xXShallowBay2012Xx]

Not as in I can't bring myself to. I mean that instead of ending it I kind of just want to drift in this state of cold depression and loneliness indefinitely instead of ever doing anything again. Just I guess be left alone to mentally torture myself forever instead of not being alive anymore. I hate myself, have extreme depression and I'm pretty sure I'll be alone forever, there's definitely hope for me but right now... That's just how I feel.

 

[mizukii]

Im sorry to hear it,i also have been a similiar situation,killing myself scares me and i always fear i'll regret it before I die so instead i "forced" myself to get worse. Being left alone in such a state like that is terrible so i really hope you can find medical help,heal and find friends that can help you n make you feel less lonely. I believe there is always hope no matter the situation. Im sorry if I misunderstood somehow; stay safe

 

[foggyskies_]

Yeah, I relate... just wanting to rot away alone in my bed with nobody knowing me. I hope you find peace somehow.

 

[SchrodingerIsDed]

I hate myself, have extreme depression and I'm pretty sure I'll be alone forever, there's definitely hope for me but right now... That's just how I feel.

I hear you. If this is just a vent, I know what that feels like, and I'm glad you're expressing it.

If you want solutions:

Check out this thread. Pretty much goes over everything you should be doing. If you're not doing those things, your depression will be much worse: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...rior-to-considering-a-suicide-attempt.195020/

That's what depression does. It makes you want to not do anything. In order to beat it, you have to do stuff. It's hard, but even small steps can be tremendous victories. Going outside for a moment and feeling the grass on your feet or the sun in your eyes. I used to view my depression, back when I had it--so I speak from experience--as my worst enemy attempting to hold me down and take advantage of me. In order to beat it, I had to do what it didn't want me to do. But I'm a rebel type, so that's just what worked for me: saying, "You're trying to control me? Fuck you." Something different might work for you, but if you view that depression as someone else inside you who is trying to hurt you, maybe you can come up with your own way out.