Venting I should not be let out of the house

[NoPoint2Life]

I do not go out often. I do exposure therapy once a week and occasionally go out to eat or grocery shopping or maybe some other little errand. I would be a full on hermit if I could be.

Today I went with my father to get our flu shots and to do early voting. I feel dumb enough here in the house like sometimes I have no common sense, but it is even worse on the outside. And my lack of interacting with people I think has caused me to go from just shy to actual social anxiety.

First, I knew there was supposed to be an amendment type thing to be voted on besides just the candidates. It should've been a whole paragraph. I swear I looked at the paper and I did not see it. My father informed me afterwards it was on the front.

Then, you had to put it in an envelope. I licked the damn envelope because I thought there was no other choice ( hard for me. I have contamination ocd) but when I went to turn it into the guy I saw it wasn't actually closed and he just removed a piece of sticky tape that was on it. I hadn't noticed so there was no need to lick.Then I was instructed to put it in the box. It's like I can't take all eyes on me and I could barely get the damn thing into the slot. I felt so self-conscious.

Then, when getting the shot, I practically fell off the chair when I was waiting for it.

And finally, when I was actually getting the shot, my legs started shaking. I have no problem with those types of needles. But again it was like I just couldn't take being the focus of someone's attention.

I am 44 but still feel like a child in so many ways. I must be such a disappointment to my parents.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Shyness is social anxiety. Sounds like you have it really severely now though, it isn't childlike at all, it's anxiety and it comes in many different forms, and some can hide it, some can't.

I can relate to this. I'm a massive introvert and have severe social anxiety, and I'd never leave my flat if I had a choice, although I'd love to do things, but the anxiety is so crippling, no one gets it. Literally no one. Not even mental health professionals and it fucking sucks.

Anxiety is something that can happen randomly too. I have a friend that went through their entire life never having anxiety, and now they do. Randomly. It can just happen, and we can't predict how our bodies respond - it could be feeling weak, dizzy, can barely move, freezing, fawning, shivering, feeling very cold to the opposite. From what I understand, it effects your central nervous system and that's why we respond it various different ways (some are trauma responses and it's stored in our bodies and we would've reacted that exact way when the trauma was happening, but don't necessarily remember- but our bodies never forget - and it is what kept us alive during that stressful situation)

The body is so complex and it is so odd how we react to anxiety in so many different ways, there is absolutely no telling how it'll happen, but trust me, you're not alone here. Many, many of us suffer with crippling anxiety (I've read it). We understand your pain

Please try to be a bit kinder to yourself - I know it's hard, but it's so important - even just doing a little something for yourself each day (could be literally anything).

I do have to apologise for the crappy, not very articulate response. I'm normally very articulate, but I'm struggling myself atm. I just wanted to send a reply so you don't feel so alone x

 

[consider]

I feel you. I gag every time I go out and sometimes throw a tantrum at my bf, who is the only one who loves me unconditionally. I know it's unacceptable and ugly, even worse than a child, but I can't help it.
Focusing on what I benefit from going out helps me cope with the embarrassment, even just a little bit. it can't erase all terrible feelings but it can make me not crazily think about them for days or months.
You're brave for managing to finish two things in one day. I seldom make that.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

You're not missing much tbh. Society has become intolerable. If there is no good reason to leave the house, I would say you shouldn't.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I really feel for you. I've had very similar times like that when doing just dumb, simple things becomes horrendous in front of people and I end up further humiliating myself because I act so clumsy and awkward.

I used to give blood regular and my hand was trembling when the lady did the finger prick test for iron levels. She asked me whether I was scared of needles. It felt even more ridiculous to say- no- I'm scared of people!

I dread to think what I'd be like now. I haven't left the house in months- other than to put the bins out. I bet it would feel really strange to be around people again. I really sympathise.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

Shyness is social anxiety. Sounds like you have it really severely now though, it isn't childlike at all, it's anxiety and it comes in many different forms, and some can hide it, some can't.

I can relate to this. I'm a massive introvert and have severe social anxiety, and I'd never leave my flat if I had a choice, although I'd love to do things, but the anxiety is so crippling, no one gets it. Literally no one. Not even mental health professionals and it fucking sucks.

Anxiety is something that can happen randomly too. I have a friend that went through their entire life never having anxiety, and now they do. Randomly. It can just happen, and we can't predict how our bodies respond - it could be feeling weak, dizzy, can barely move, freezing, fawning, shivering, feeling very cold to the opposite. From what I understand, it effects your central nervous system and that's why we respond it various different ways (some are trauma responses and it's stored in our bodies and we would've reacted that exact way when the trauma was happening, but don't necessarily remember- but our bodies never forget - and it is what kept us alive during that stressful situation)

The body is so complex and it is so odd how we react to anxiety in so many different ways, there is absolutely no telling how it'll happen, but trust me, you're not alone here. Many, many of us suffer with crippling anxiety (I've read it). We understand your pain

Please try to be a bit kinder to yourself - I know it's hard, but it's so important - even just doing a little something for yourself each day (could be literally anything).

I do have to apologise for the crappy, not very articulate response. I'm normally very articulate, but I'm struggling myself atm. I just wanted to send a reply so you don't feel so alone x

Thanks for the reply. And you were very articulate.

I really relate to how you say it can be random and different for each person. Because earlier this year I was getting super anxious all the time for no reason even in the house and it just came out of nowhere. luckily, I am doing much better with that now.

And another weird thing about me is even after that experience I've never had a panic attack. Not that I want one, but it seems everyone else with anxiety has them. It makes me feel like sometimes my anxiety isn't valid.

I hope you find some success with your own struggles.

I feel you. I gag every time I go out and sometimes throw a tantrum at my bf, who is the only one who loves me unconditionally. I know it's unacceptable and ugly, even worse than a child, but I can't help it.
Focusing on what I benefit from going out helps me cope with the embarrassment, even just a little bit. it can't erase all terrible feelings but it can make me not crazily think about them for days or months.
You're brave for managing to finish two things in one day. I seldom make that.

Thanks. And the only reason I did two things in one day is because it's less times I have to go out lol

I really feel for you. I've had very similar times like that when doing just dumb, simple things becomes horrendous in front of people and I end up further humiliating myself because I act so clumsy and awkward.

I used to give blood regular and my hand was trembling when the lady did the finger prick test for iron levels. She asked me whether I was scared of needles. It felt even more ridiculous to say- no- I'm scared of people!

I dread to think what I'd be like now. I haven't left the house in months- other than to put the bins out. I bet it would feel really strange to be around people again. I really sympathise.

You would think at our age we would outgrow it or something. But it only gets worse. That's why I hated having to do group therapy last year. It brought out my social anxiety so bad. Group therapy wound up being worse for my mental health rather than any help!