Venting I should be happy, shouldn't I?

[AnonymouslyBlue]

Something has happened.

Something big that I know I should be ecstatic about, should be celebrating with joy because, holy shit - I actually did it!

But all I can feel is how much I don't want this, how much all I want to do is curl back up in bed and forget the world outside my bedroom door.

I hate this feeling. I hate that this amazing thing has happened. I hate depression and I hate myself for letting it get the best of me in a time that I should be looking forward to what's to come.

 

[Boochky]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Congratulations on whatever it is and I hope you feel better.

 

[The.End]

I fear good things happening to me because from my experience when something good happens to me it usually mean something really bad is bound to happen and mess everything up again.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Something has happened.

Something big that I know I should be ecstatic about, should be celebrating with joy because, holy shit - I actually did it!

But all I can feel is how much I don't want this, how much all I want to do is curl back up in bed and forget the world outside my bedroom door.

I hate this feeling. I hate that this amazing thing has happened. I hate depression and I hate myself for letting it get the best of me in a time that I should be looking forward to what's to come.

What is this amazing bthing that has happened?

 

[AnonymouslyBlue]

What is this amazing bthing that has happened?

I have graduated from university only two weeks ago, and I've just got my first job in a place that I've wanted to work with since doing an internship with the company.

But I guess this isn't really what I want, something about this doesn't feel right but I'm worried that this could just be my negative mind space talking and I could blow this or this really isn't what I want but then what else is there for me?

I'm scared. But it feels wrong and selfish to be scared of how I feel about this

 

[woxihuanni]

I fear good things happening to me because from my experience when something good happens to me it usually mean something really bad is bound to happen and mess everything up again.

I believe Rincewind has a word for it, reverse karma.
If it helps, when I landed my dream job, I could not feel jubilant either. I was not depressed, already had a job that I enjoyed and everything. It's just that there is a shock that comes with any big news, good or bad, and then there is the natural fear of fucking it up. The bigger the opportunity, the more inclination to crawl away from it and pretend it's not there. People don't really react like in movies, no jumping in the air with whoops of victory.

Also in general, it can take a fresh graduate a couple of years walking around in terror and imposter's syndrome to emotionally recognise that they are now grown-up, have a job and it is actually them who done it. And it does not matter if you graduated as the stop student or anything, it's just a scary transition.

 

[The.End]

I believe Rincewind has a word for it, reverse karma.

Funny thing is, I'm not even superstitious. But we human love to see patterns And make connections that don't exist. Most of us are constantly Searching for meaning in such a meaningless world.

 

[woxihuanni]

Funny thing is, I'm not even superstitious. But we human love to see patterns And make connections that don't exist. Most of us are constantly Searching for meaning in such a meaningless world.

Rincewind is not a superstitious character, either, he is just wearily realistic.

 

[Boochky]

I totally understand. When I got my big break earlier this year, I was sick to my stomach.

Can you maybe just try to put it in nuetral and see how it goes? Maybe feel your way into it? If you give it your best, you'll know you tried.

 

[The.End]

How can Rincewind not be superstitious when he's a character from a fantasy story filled with magic. I've actually heard of the Rincewind or Discworld before today

How can Rincewind not be superstitious when he's a character from a fantasy story filled with magic. I've never actually heard of the Rincewind or Discworld before today

 

[woxihuanni]

He knows gods exist, his stance is to give the lot of them a wide berth. Pretty realistic, I'd say.

 

[Rachel74]

Definitely a win situation. Please enjoy it while you can and don't feel guilty about it.
If you won millions on the lotto please share.