Venting I SH'd for the first time today.

[amnesia999]

So I cut myself today. Yeah, the stereotype might be emo kids in their teens, and I'm middle aged. (Is anyone else here over 55? I get a decided teens-20's vibe from this site.) I should know better, right? But I've been thinking about doing it for days and decided to try it out to see how it felt.

It wasn't a very deep cut, on my upper arm. It doesn't hurt much. (Maybe I'll try going deeper.) You need a sharp knife in order to actually cut your skin. It actually made me relax, and I could use some relaxation after all the stressful shit that's been going on in my life recently.

Will I do it again? Maybe. Will I tell anyone? Don't know. My therapist would not be pleased.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Please don't. Cutting can become an addiction and over time you will need to cut deeper and deeper in order to feel satisfied. It's not a very effective coping mechanism. I've SHed in a variety of ways for nearly a decade and it really isn't worth it.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

So I cut myself today. Yeah, the stereotype might be emo kids in their teens, and I'm middle aged. (Is anyone else here over 55? I get a decided teens-20's vibe from this site.) I should know better, right? But I've been thinking about doing it for days and decided to try it out to see how it felt.

It wasn't a very deep cut, on my upper arm. It doesn't hurt much. (Maybe I'll try going deeper.) You need a sharp knife in order to actually cut your skin. It actually made me relax, and I could use some relaxation after all the stressful shit that's been going on in my life recently.

Well, this kind of habit can easily snowball and take over so that is something you want to be careful about. It sounds like it accomplished something you had trouble accomplishing with more conventional coping methods so you don't deserve judgment over choosing to seek relief that way.

My therapist would not be pleased.

That's not your problem and they shouldn't make it yours. They are explicitly there for you to bring up stuff like this and work through it (what led to it and what to do about going forward).

 

[timetodie24]

Please don't. Cutting can become an addiction and over time you will need to cut deeper and deeper in order to feel satisfied. It's not a very effective coping mechanism. I've SHed in a variety of ways for nearly a decade and it really isn't worth it.

This. Same happened with me .
It is so easy to become desensitised and it's like you become numb to the damage you do to yourself.If you do decide to do it again then there's no need to go deeper if it helped with a smaller cut. If it served it's purpose then no need to go deeper. Deeper cuts actually hurt less anyway because once you get into deeper layers, there are no pain receptors .

 

[fleetingnight]

I read that self harm by adults around your age range isn't that uncommon, it's just much less talked about. Though, now I can't find the statistic I'm looking for, but I'll come back and share the link here if I do.

It's a shame some people only focus on young people's mental health, we definitely aren't the only ones who need support/understanding

 

[1043169]

Best to not get into the habit. It can be addictive and painful. I've been struggling on and off since like 2008. I'm like 7 months clean right now.

 

[undecided]

This doesn't belong in Suicide Discussion forum! And, sh, you decided to "try it" ??!! Oh, do me a favour !!

 

[amnesia999]

Well, this kind of habit can easily snowball and take over so that is something you want to be careful about. It sounds like it accomplished something you had trouble accomplishing with more conventional coping methods so you don't deserve judgment over choosing to seek relief that way.

Thanks for the input. I'll keep that in mind.

(I wondered if this was the correct place to talk about this. Let me know if there's a better one.)

 

[Ash]

Thirty years since I started self harming. Don't let the age thing fool you.

Agree with the addiction bit though. There's a reason I keep coming back to it. If you can find an alternative, I hope you can make it work.

If not, don't hesitate to ask about self care afterwards and what sort of dressings etc. I assume you know the signs of infection etc and know your body well enough by now to be able to spot when things aren't right (the biggest benefit of age, no matter what the youngsters think).

But please always ask and don't let any condescending comments put you off interacting with the rest of us. We're a solid community and if you can't automatically spot the plus forties, it's because we're too busy on Google deciphering all the Young Person Speak (or is that just me?)

 

[Dot]

This doesn't belong in Suicide Discussion forum! And, sh, you decided to "try it" ??!! Oh, do me a favour !!

Slf-hrm = commn in suicdl ppl & mny ppl wh/ r strgglng try dffrnt copng mechnsms in ordr t/ try t/ fl bettr

Usr = obvsly lookng fr sme emotnl spport s/ commnts lke urs r nt helpfl

C-ing as 95% of ppl wth BPD slf hrm slf wld hve thght u wld hve mre empthy 2wrds ths b-havr

So I cut myself today. Yeah, the stereotype might be emo kids in their teens, and I'm middle aged. (Is anyone else here over 55? I get a decided teens-20's vibe from this site.) I should know better, right? But I've been thinking about doing it for days and decided to try it out to see how it felt.

It wasn't a very deep cut, on my upper arm. It doesn't hurt much. (Maybe I'll try going deeper.) You need a sharp knife in order to actually cut your skin. It actually made me relax, and I could use some relaxation after all the stressful shit that's been going on in my life recently.

Will I do it again? Maybe. Will I tell anyone? Don't know. My therapist would not be pleased.

Fyi thre = info on dstractns & copng mechnsms on slf-hrm thred as wll as makng sre tht ur wounds d/ bt bcme infectd etc

Self Harm Resources

This post is written by @Dot, I am just the messenger Self Harm It's known that there are many users on the forum who self harm for different reasons. This thread is focused mostly on habitual or impulsive/physical self harm. This thread has not been made for any glorification of self harm...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Also sme tips fr crsis & ovr-whlm

'Crisis' Resources for anxiety attacks and emotional overwhelm

Written by @Dot, I am just being the voice so more people can understand it. Okay, so you are having an anxiety episode. We have compiled a list of different coping mechanisms and ways to calm down through mind and body - from cognitive strategies to physical methods to different things that...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Dot]

Thanks for the input. I'll keep that in mind.

(I wondered if this was the correct place to talk about this. Let me know if there's a better one.)

Hre = jst fne

 

[Endless_suffering]

Be warned. It's seriously addictive. Like heroin level. I've been doin it since I was 12. I'm 37. I recently went from cutting to burning chunks of my flesh off. You start small. And you go deeper. And it gets more obvious. I'm not telling you what to do. Just warning you. Self harm is seriously addictive. And harder than hell to stop.
Also your therapist would probably flip shit

 

[EvisceratedJester]

This doesn't belong in Suicide Discussion forum! And, sh, you decided to "try it" ??!! Oh, do me a favour !!

A lot of people who are suicidal also self harm. Self harm is sometimes a method used by some to specifically cope with suicidal ideation.

 

[heliophobic]

This doesn't belong in Suicide Discussion forum! And, sh, you decided to "try it" ??!! Oh, do me a favour !!

And your nastiness doesn't belong in threads like this. Do you always attack people if you don't like their posts?

 

[undecided]

I can't even begin...
I have a child who is a PROLIFIC self harmer! She has cut so badly that all four limbs have had to be operated on to be stitched! She's even cut her own throat, TWICE! And someone comes in here and says they decided to "try self harm"???? OP talks as if it's a new hobby !! It's traumatic! I've suffered SO MUCH trauma watching my child cutting herself to bits to near death, and OP casually declares that she's decided to TRY self harming ! Do me a fckn favour !!

 

[MidnightCat]

I'm 30+ .

I've self harmed for quite a while now. Been 8 years "clear" but still miss it very regularly.

I can't cut my body without my wife finding out so... Stayed clean for 8 really long years, it's never been a week I didn't miss it. Be careful, as most said already is really addictive and you start to go for more and more. If you can stop it, do it now.


That said... After all those years, yesterday I grabbed a metal bar and started to hurt myself.. so.. not sure if I can still be saying that I'm "clean"...

 

[MidnightCat]

I can't even begin...
I have a child who is a PROLIFIC self harmer! She has cut so badly that all four limbs have had to be operated on to be stitched! She's even cut her own throat, TWICE! And someone comes in here and says they decided to "try self harm"???? OP talks as if it's a new hobby !! It's traumatic! I've suffered SO MUCH trauma watching my child cutting herself to bits to near death, and OP casually declares that she's decided to TRY self harming ! Do me a fckn favour !!

Sorry for your child.


That said, OP has the right to express himself and even more when he seems confused.


Self harming is, unfortunately, a very quick way to stop feeling "mental pain" so try to understand OP might have needed that in that moment.


No one is proud on self harming. Op needed to share. Again, sorry for your kid but that doesn't give you the right to criticise OP.

 

[heliophobic]

Oh, do me a favour !! Swivel !!

No. I'll always call out people who are JUDGING OTHERS that are going through a difficult time WHICH IS WHY THEY'RE ON THIS SITE. I'm sorry for your child. I hope they get better. Nothing makes it okay to be nasty to someone else that's suffering though.

 

[onism]

I can't even begin...
I have a child who is a PROLIFIC self harmer! She has cut so badly that all four limbs have had to be operated on to be stitched! She's even cut her own throat, TWICE! And someone comes in here and says they decided to "try self harm"???? OP talks as if it's a new hobby !! It's traumatic! I've suffered SO MUCH trauma watching my child cutting herself to bits to near death, and OP casually declares that she's decided to TRY self harming ! Do me a fckn favour !!

I am wishing you and your child all of the best, but what your daughter is going through and the severity of it does not invalidate anyone else's experiences. Yes, OP decided to try it. People are going to continue trying it as a coping mechanism. If you are so outraged because of the pain your child is going through, then why don't you support someone else who is clearly also in pain? Rather than attacking them? How is this going to help? I hope that you do not talk to your daughter like this, nor anyone else.

 

[undecided]

No. I'll always call out people who are JUDGING OTHERS that are going through a difficult time WHICH IS WHY THEY'RE ON THIS SITE. I'm sorry for your child. I hope they get better. Nothing makes it okay to be nasty to someone else that's suffering though.

I wasn't NASTY !! I said it as I saw it! SH is not something to be tried, just for the hell of it ! It's serious stuff ! I found OP's post to be treating sh as trivial, as something that should just be TRIED!! Nooooo!!!!

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I can't even begin...
I have a child who is a PROLIFIC self harmer! She has cut so badly that all four limbs have had to be operated on to be stitched! She's even cut her own throat, TWICE! And someone comes in here and says they decided to "try self harm"???? OP talks as if it's a new hobby !! It's traumatic! I've suffered SO MUCH trauma watching my child cutting herself to bits to near death, and OP casually declares that she's decided to TRY self harming ! Do me a fckn favour !!

Dude, to start self harming you have to try it out first. Also, even people who self harm talk about about it very casually like it's a hobby, lol. Just because you have trauma from watching your child SH doesn't give you the excuse to be rude to the OP. They are clearly suffering a lot considering the fact that they ended up deciding to try out SH in the first place. As somebody who has been SHing for years, posts like yours are not needed here.

 

[undecided]

I am wishing you and your child all of the best, but what your daughter is going through and the severity of it does not invalidate anyone else's experiences. Yes, OP decided to try it. People are going to continue trying it as a coping mechanism. If you are so outraged because of the pain your child is going through, then why don't you support someone else who is clearly also in pain? Rather than attacking them? How is this going to help? I hope that you do not talk to your daughter like this, nor anyone else.

My daughter was a child when she started sh. She didn't just decide to try it, it was a necessity! I cannot support an adult who decides to TRY sh, just for the hell of it ! OP is 40+ ! Why the need to scratch themselves at this stage in their life? And believe me, it IS a SCRATCH !!

 

[EvisceratedJester]

She didn't just decide to try it, it was a necessity!

What necessity? Nobody SHs out of necessity. Either way, even if the OP decided to try it out as adult they are still in need of our support. How about you put that energy of yours into helping your daughter instead of shaming someone for getting to the point where they are now starting to resort to using SH to cope with their issues?

 

[toms_space_station]

Hope you can find a better release. I can also attest to how addictive it can be. My way of hiding them in hot weather & the summer is wearing compression sleeves and wearing a thin & darker color shirt that matches. I want to get a tattoo to hide them, but the problem is that the cuts healed in a way that ended up turning into raised/hypotrophic scars which are very noticeable and requires professional treatment to lower them.

 

[undecided]

What necessity? Nobody SHs out of necessity. Either way, even if the OP decided to try it out as adult they are still in need of our support. How about you put that energy of yours into helping your daughter instead of shaming someone for getting to the point where they are now starting to resort to using SH to cope with their issues?

You have no idea..... why do you think I'm HERE ! I'm done ! She's suicidal! There's no help for her! They've given up on her! She's suicidal, and I'm suicidal! What a mix, eh !

 

[EvisceratedJester]

You have no idea..... why do you think I'm HERE ! I'm done ! She's suicidal! There's no help for her! They've given up on her! She's suicidal, and I'm suicidal! What a mix, eh !

Cool, so is the OP. The OP is suicidal and started SHing because they are in a poor place mentally. Yet here you are, spending your time shaming them and putting them down.

 

[heliophobic]

I wasn't NASTY !! I said it as I saw it! SH is not something to be tried, just for the hell of it ! It's serious stuff ! I found OP's post to be treating sh as trivial, as something that should just be TRIED!! Nooooo!!!!

If you think that you weren't being nasty, I would hate to see what you consider to be nasty. At the end of the day, this website is hardly the place for being unkind and judgmental, when it's that kind of treatment that gets people into this predicament in the first place. It shouldn't be so hard to be kind and show a little empathy. Weren't you taught "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" when you were little? No one forced you to comment on this thread. You could have simply pointed out that it wasn't the appropriate forum for SH discussion. Instead, it was automatic attack mode, assuming OP's intentions, attacking people who defend them, all while insisting you aren't being nasty. None of that is making much sense to me.

 

[amnesia999]

Didn't mean to start a flame war. SS has turned out to be a very empathetic (and very sad) forum. Given the reason why people come here, can we have more peace, please? @undecided I really didn't mean to trigger you. I'm sorry about your child.

I understand why several of you are skeptical when I say I'm just trying it out. In fact it did get me out of the depression I was in.This goddamn arm also has chronic nerve (?) pain and now it's got something new to "think about" instead. So yeah I can see why SH is addictive. If I get into another funk, which I probably will, I may well do it again. There are plenty of sharp kitchen knives around here. The biggest drawback would be going in for my annual physical and having to explain to the doctor why there are more or less fresh cut marks on my arm. I sure as hell don't want to end up locked in a psych ward.

 

[day]

I sure as hell don't want to end up locked in a psych ward.

i will chime in a bit and say you should be safe from this happening. im not encouraging you to do it because of this fact though. however most self harm is seen as not suicidal or "NSSI" i believe the hospital calls it. it's just not exactly enough to put you in a ward as long as you say you don't plan to continue harming yourself or others. maybe that'll bring you comfort in case you are anxious about that.

 

[Ash]

Didn't mean to start a flame war. SS has turned out to be a very empathetic (and very sad) forum. Given the reason why people come here, can we have more peace, please? @undecided I really didn't mean to trigger you. I'm sorry about your child.

I understand why several of you are skeptical when I say I'm just trying it out. In fact it did get me out of the depression I was in.This goddamn arm also has chronic nerve (?) pain and now it's got something new to "think about" instead. So yeah I can see why SH is addictive. If I get into another funk, which I probably will, I may well do it again. There are plenty of sharp kitchen knives around here. The biggest drawback would be going in for my annual physical and having to explain to the doctor why there are more or less fresh cut marks on my arm. I sure as hell don't want to end up locked in a psych ward.

It won't be the first time the doctors have seen cut marks due to pain.

++++

The OP has asked that we calm this discussion down and I think we should respect their wishes.

If someone wishes to start a new thread about why people start self harming at different ages, they are more than welcome to do so.

The OP started this to ask for support and it would be a damn shame if it got derailed and closed down.