Venting I see homelessness in my future, I already feel there

[katara]

I have been so sick recently, since last month, everything started feeling unreal. I've never felt this terrible before. I wake up and everyday I feel like I'm dying, I think I'm in hell. Nothing feels right. I have nobody I can reach out to, maybe I feel this way bc I've been miserable and alone for so long. I lost my youth by dropping out of high school and then my life ended. I can't be here by 30. I am so scared, constantly. I don't know what is happening, but I keep feeling like I am trapped in some kind of hell. I would rather not feel this. It's not fair I have to experience this, if I'm going to continue, I have to leave where I live my mom isn't helping. She dismisses me any time I try explaining how bad I feel. I have been a shut in for years and my mom blocks me when I've tried leaving. I feel like I'm in hell and I'm tired of my mom feeling like she's a good person and telling me I'm spoiled. I can't stand being here and no amount of me screaming for help will end this bc nobody cares. I don't know what I feel so bad, if this is what dying feels like it's a nightmare. I'd like to think death feels more pleasant and from what I have searched, ChatGPT is saying it's ptsd. I don't know, this feels worse. It doesn't end, it won't leave. I think my brain is broken. I'm scared

 

[amerie]

I know this is probably shit and minuscule advice, but have you tried joining a local club in your city or volunteering?

Like at a food bank or maybe even something like running marathons? It can help you get out of the house and find a community of people who are willing to help you get out and get back into school maybe if you actually bond with them and they like you enough.

Maybe you can possibly start a local club in your city with other gooners or a support group for people with dyslexia or reading issues, it'll give you a purpose and something to feel passionate about.

 

[katara]

I totally understand people who OD. It's so frustrating knowing I'll never be able to function like a normal person