I said I would never be an alcoholic

[nihilism44]

My dad has been an alcoholic my entire life. I've always drank socially, ever since highschool, but I always swore to never be like him. Fast forward to today, I have recently turned 21 and I'm buying/consuming alcohol almost daily. My mom recently died, we were fairly close and this is the first time I've dealt with grief (she ctb, how ironic). Drinking is the only way I have been able to cope, since smoking weed makes me anxious. Im drunk basically every night. I can't stand myself right now. Does anyone know how I can break this cycle before it gets out of hand?

 

[little helpers]

I don't have experience with this first hand, like, becoming what my parents/abusers are. but what I think is, the amount of self-loathing that goes into this might exacerbate your drinking than help cut it down.

addiction doesn't discriminate. there's not one uniform type of addicts/alcoholics. therefore I suppose you can try make sense of what sets you different from him. it's a thought.

though at the same time, I know exactly how much we feel like we've just become our addiction(s). having someone who sees you beyond that really does help. but it's not something I have, or what people can simply ask for.

 

[motel rooms]

My mom recently died, we were fairly close and this is the first time I've dealt with grief (she ctb, how ironic). Drinking is the only way I have been able to cope, since smoking weed makes me anxious. Im drunk basically every night. I can't stand myself right now. Does anyone know how I can break this cycle before it gets out of hand?

You have to go through the pain of grieving the loss of your mother without anaesthetizing yourself. You have to feel it. It sounds horrible, I know. My husband drinks so he doesn't cry too, but we have to cry when we're in pain, tears serve a purpose.

 

[nihilism44]

You have to go through the pain of grieving the loss of your mother without anaesthetizing yourself. You have to feel it. It sounds horrible, I know. My husband drinks so he doesn't cry too, but we have to cry when we're in pain, tears serve a purpose.

Thank you <3 it just hurts so bad. It was so sudden. I'm not coping with it in a healthy way, but I don't know how to do that. Maybe I am drinking so that I can't cry, I really do hate crying. It just feels like the tears won't stop when I start. Thank you for kind words.

 

[_Minsk]

You have to go through the pain of grieving the loss of your mother without anaesthetizing yourself. You have to feel it. It sounds horrible, I know. My husband drinks so he doesn't cry too, but we have to cry when we're in pain, tears serve a purpose.

Agree, this is the best answer

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Gotta replace the alcohol with something. Basically another or several other less damaging addictions (gaming/sex/exercise/work/etc). Not sure if I agree with the crying advice. Recently I've been trying to relax more, would recommend getting good at relaxing.

 

[motel rooms]

Thank you <3 it just hurts so bad. It was so sudden. I'm not coping with it in a healthy way, but I don't know how to do that. Maybe I am drinking so that I can't cry, I really do hate crying. It just feels like the tears won't stop when I start.

I know, we all hate & fear crying... It's a little like throwing up, it's uncontrollable, it hurts, it's messy & ugly, but it's the only way to get rid of the poison that's causing our pain.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

but it's the only way to get rid of the poison that's causing our pain.

What? Who has ever had any long-term change from crying? It's a temporary fix, no? Releasing endorphins or sum.

 

[motel rooms]

What? Who has ever had any long-term change from crying? It's a temporary fix, no? Releasing endorphins or sum.

But we're supposed to lose our shit when someone we love dies, you can't skip that step if you want to heal from grief. We're supposed to act "uncivilized", explode, bawl our eyes out, be inconsolable & angry, smash things & tear our clothes. Grieving is one of the things that people in Mediterranean countries, Africa & Latin America do the way it's meant to be done. Fuck the stiff upper lip, that shit leads to a lifetime of hard-liquor consumption when nobody's looking; suppression & repression of emotions only result in disastrous, disfiguring implosions.

I'm grateful I'm finally able to cry. It's a daily release. It can't fix me permanently, nothing can, but it makes it easier for me to get through the day. Taking my anger out on a punching bag helps too. I do what I can; I'm just a slightly rational monkey, not a hardcore Buddhist monk. I can't defeat my C-PTSD by developing a superhuman prefrontal cortex & shrinking my amygdala. When they hit, I don't have it in me to view my flashbacks as neutral, harmless mental events; I can't be indifferent to them, I have to cry & rage.

 

[Insomniac]

My dad has been an alcoholic my entire life. I've always drank socially, ever since highschool, but I always swore to never be like him. Fast forward to today, I have recently turned 21 and I'm buying/consuming alcohol almost daily. My mom recently died, we were fairly close and this is the first time I've dealt with grief (she ctb, how ironic). Drinking is the only way I have been able to cope, since smoking weed makes me anxious. Im drunk basically every night. I can't stand myself right now. Does anyone know how I can break this cycle before it gets out of hand?

my dad has always been a severe alcoholic too and I have made several posts about it on ss.

I know the trauma of having an extreme addict as parent. I'll be honest with you, if you chose addiction despite knowing the pain an addict causes to others, then it's your choice. your father has nothing to do with that choice. It has everything to do with you and your character.

So all I'll say is, whatever you do, don't use your sad childhood as a justification for falling into addiction. because there are plenty of children of extreme addicts who chose to endure crippling anxiety everyday rather than risking causing to others the level of extreme distress and despair they have experienced themselves.

remember that alcohol won't take away your pain, it'll only pass it to someone else. wether you live alone or surrounded.

I'm also in a precarious situation since my mom has been hospitalised for 2 months now and I don't have a job. She is spending all her savings on hospital bills. If something happens to her then I'll be on my own for good with no money.

whatever happens, addiction will never be an option.

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[Sherri]

It's one of the worse habits to kick, I feel sorry for your loss. Like hotel said you need to go through a briefing process. See then of you can quit cold turkey. If not than the answer you might not like, seek professional help. You don't have to be committed these days to kick the habit. There are medications that help a lot. But you have to make that step only when you are ready. Dont feel ashamed, or hard on yourself. It can happen to anyone. I was hooked on opioids, and taking a substitute to not have WD. But if you ask me, takes a Bit more strength to quit alcohol cause it's everywhere, it's like they say when you are clean it will be a day by day for people like you and me forever. I wish you the biggest luck. From the bottom of my heart.

 

[Under The Graveyard]

My dad was a heavy drinker up until he died in 99. I grieved his death and got drunk a few times, and every year on the day he passed, I will drink a few beers for him.

I never really took up heavy drinking until 2015 when I lost the most important person in my life. Since then, alcohol has been my support group. It's the only support group I have, and quite honestly, I'm not leaving this support group anytime soon.

But losing someone was never meant to be easy, whether family, spouse, best friend, etc... the pain never goes away.

You, and only you, can stop the cycle. You have to want it more than anything. Support groups, friends, family, can be there to support you in you breaking the habit, but the final break must be you wanting to stop drinking.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Man, this hits close to home for me on a few levels. Like yourself, father was and still Is a severe alcoholic and a very angry person. In all honesty, he is probably the root cause of me ultimately ending up here a broken and unfixable mess. Like yourself, I swore I would never ever be like him and let addiction and anger consume me, but both did at one point. I never truly overcame it, although I don't use anymore. But the temptation to spiral back into that lifestyle is still strong. Some days overwhelmingly strong. I don't go back to it simply because it doesn't work. Sure, it gives the illusion of alleviating the pain for a very brief moment sometimes, but moreso just intensifies it nowadays. Not worth it anymore. On top of that I now have to deal with NOT going back to that horrific lifestyle again. Completely not worth it to me.

Also, like yourself, my mom died not too long ago too. It's coming up on six years ago soon and it still hurts greatly. I still miss her immensely as she was the person I looked up to the most and was the stability that kept me from giving into my darkest desires and becoming a monster. Another thing I battle with on a daily basis.

So how do I cope? Well, for myself, I try to be like her. I continue to listen to others and offer them whatever comfort, advice or support I can. That might not work for you or it might. I dunno. Point of that statement is you have to find that "thing" that keeps the darkness at bay. It's different for different people. The trick is finding that tool and just keeping at it as best as you can.

Life can be full of darkness and pain. It affects everyone, just some of us are dealt a shittier hand via environmental factors, past and present history and genetics. It's ultimately up to us though which path we choose to take in order to reach a conclusion as to what we want to do about it if anything at all. I myself wish for the impossible and strive to fix every broken soul that touches my heart. Loftily impossible goal, I know, but it keeps me from doing further harm. Or at least less harm than I already have.

Whatever path you choose though, I truly, truly hope it brings you at least a small bit of peace to your obviously broken and wounded soul. What you are going through is a hellish experience and my heart goes out to you in the deepest possible sense. I truly wish you luck in your battle and know that myself and from the myriad of replies here, many others are here for you. Good luck fellow lost soul and may you find the peace you so desperately crave. You deserve it.

 

[t-rex]

I struggled with drinking for a long time. The way I stopped was by taking a drug called naltrexone that gradually helps with cravings until eventually you don't care about drinking anymore. I followed a method called the Sinclair Method, look up the movie One Little Pill on Amazon if you're curious. It helped me quit drinking for 4 years. I didn't have to deal with cravings anymore, I just literally never thought about alcohol anymore.

Of course this won't help with the pain you're looking to soothe. I am so sorry for your loss. :( I don't know what to say about grief, as I have somehow managed to make it to my mid 30s without serious losses yet. I would say find a good grief counselor.

In the meantime, have you tried many different strains of weed to find one that doesn't make you anxious? I find weed to be a lot more wholesome alternative to drinking, when you just really need something to cope. I'm in the middle of a weed cycle right now. I don't know what your psychiatric conditions may be, probably best to stay away if you have any kind of psychosis related disorder.

Sending lots of hugs your way and hoping for the best. I know how it is to not want to drink but find yourself doing it over and over again. It fucking sucks. You'll find a way out. Look up The Sinclair Method. Good luck.

 

[nihilism44]

Whatever path you choose though, I truly, truly hope it brings you at least a small bit of peace to your obviously broken and wounded soul. What you are going through is a hellish experience and my heart goes out to you in the deepest possible sense. I truly wish you luck in your battle and know that myself and from the myriad of replies here, many others are here for you. Good luck fellow lost soul and may you find the peace you so desperately crave. You deserve it.

Thankyou so so much for your kind words <3 I'm so sorry you're going through this as well. It's truly hell losing a parent.
I wish you the best.

I struggled with drinking for a long time. The way I stopped was by taking a drug called naltrexone that gradually helps with cravings until eventually you don't care about drinking anymore. I followed a method called the Sinclair Method, look up the movie One Little Pill on Amazon if you're curious. It helped me quit drinking for 4 years. I didn't have to deal with cravings anymore, I just literally never thought about alcohol anymore.

Luckily, I'm not so far in yet that I have a physical dependence. I've seen my dad go through detox numerous times and I absolutely cannot let myself get to that point. I will not be drinking today. I can't let this become a cycle. Thankyou, I wish you luck as well <3

My dad was a heavy drinker up until he died in 99. I grieved his death and got drunk a few times, and every year on the day he passed, I will drink a few beers for him.

I never really took up heavy drinking until 2015 when I lost the most important person in my life. Since then, alcohol has been my support group. It's the only support group I have, and quite honestly, I'm not leaving this support group anytime soon.

But losing someone was never meant to be easy, whether family, spouse, best friend, etc... the pain never goes away.

You, and only you, can stop the cycle. You have to want it more than anything. Support groups, friends, family, can be there to support you in you breaking the habit, but the final break must be you wanting to stop drinking.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I won't drink today, hopefully. I've realized I need to break this cycle before I become physically dependent. That's my worst fear. Thankyou for your reply, good luck to you <3

 

[t-rex]

Luckily, I'm not so far in yet that I have a physical dependence. I've seen my dad go through detox numerous times and I absolutely cannot let myself get to that point. I will not be drinking today. I can't let this become a cycle. Thankyou, I wish you luck as well <3

I really get that fear. I have the same fear about benzos. (I occasionally take Ativan; haven't gotten dependent yet thankfully.) I'm sure it was hell for your Dad to go through that withdrawal. As I'm sure you know, sudden withdrawal can be life-threatening for an alcoholic.

Dr. David Sinclair, discoverer of the Sinclair Method I mentioned in the first post, experimented with alcoholic rats. He discovered that once addicted, then when the rats were deprived of alcohol, they would drink more the next time it was available. He called it the alcohol deprivation effect: when you try to quit by just stopping cold turkey, the cravings get worse.

I don't mean to discourage you from stopping drinking today. Good on you! It sounds like it's causing you a lot of pain and angst right now. But beware that if you're already addicted (it sounds like perhaps not), just stopping can very difficult and frustrating. If you do get to that point, I highly recommend you check out the Sinclair Method. Tell your doctor about it and get him/her to prescribe you naltrexone and give it a try. It's remarkable to sit down with a drink in front of you and realize that you keep forgetting it's there. (That never happened to me before I started taking naltrexone.)

I have recently fallen back into drinking myself. Never thought that would happen, but it has. Very bad habit that is getting expensive and is causing me a lot of guilt. (Not to mention liver damage and extra pounds.) I'm going to start taking naltrexone again this week. It worked for me one time--it will work again!

Good luck to you, friend. <3

 

[Nevsky69]

My partner died seven months ago. She was alcoholic. She was a sensitive, intelligent, good person and treated badly by life. She cried a lot.

I have not stopped crying, several times a day, since her death. And I have also started drinking almost daily, especially after having suffered a surgery two months ago, and be at home most of the time. In the past I only drank socially. Now I drink alone. Even when I drink I cry.

Each person is different. Only you can end up with the habit. You have to find out how. You can look for help but at the end it's about you. If you think that drinking is a problem is that it really is. Don't let alcohol to run your life. Good luck.

 

[Sherri]

My partner died seven months ago. She was alcoholic. She was a sensitive, intelligent, good person and treated badly by life. She cried a lot.

I have not stopped crying, several times a day, since her death. And I have also started drinking almost daily, especially after having suffered a surgery two months ago, and be at home most of the time. In the past I only drank socially. Now I drink alone. Even when I drink I cry.

Each person is different. Only you can end up with the habit. You have to find out how. You can look for help but at the end it's about you. If you think that drinking is a problem is that it really is. Don't let alcohol to run your life. Good luck.

I'm so sorry about your loss, can't imagine how you are feeling, I'm not gonna tell you to stop drinking I have the same problem with opioids, but you are extremely right about what you wrote on your last sentence. It is really up to us to break the habit. Only us can end it either with help or alone, I usually try to end my addiction by myself but that's me, everyone is different. I am sorry once again for your loss. A big hug.

 

[StillHere424]

My dad has been an alcoholic my entire life. I've always drank socially, ever since highschool, but I always swore to never be like him. Fast forward to today, I have recently turned 21 and I'm buying/consuming alcohol almost daily. My mom recently died, we were fairly close and this is the first time I've dealt with grief (she ctb, how ironic). Drinking is the only way I have been able to cope, since smoking weed makes me anxious. Im drunk basically every night. I can't stand myself right now. Does anyone know how I can break this cycle before it gets out of hand?

When we drink - or eat, or gamble, or take a drug - to address a problem, we end up with two problems. We never learn how to cope with difficult feelings. For me, being part of a 12-step program has literally saved my life, and thanks to the pandemic there are now thousands and thousands of Zoom meetings, as well as in-person. It costs nothing and the "rooms" are filled with lots of wise, caring people who are bravely facing their lives without the use of a substance.