Venting I ruined my life in one day.

[Kokonoe]

Ruined my life in one day. With one decision. It's all my fault. My partner left me and cut all contact. All of my friends and entire social life is gone. Everything is gone. It doesn't feel real. I can't live like this.

And yet I can't die. I'm a coward. I've tried making myself pass out by putting pressure on my carotid artery so I can make sure I have the right spot for partial hanging, but each time I start to feel lightheaded I panic and stop. I don't know how I'll ever manage to die when I'm this much of a pussy.

The thought of continuing my life after how I ruined it is horrifying. I can't do that. And yet I don't think I'll be allowed to die, either. I can't handle this pain. What the fuck do I even do now?

 

[Timothy7dff]

I think a lot of people are in the same place as you. The pain is great, but suicide isn't easy.

I ruined my life by getting in the stock market. I can see why people were jumping off buildings in the 1920s. Losing everything is soul crushing.

How did you lose all your social contacts?

 

[losing altitude]

Ruined my life in one day. With one decision. It's all my fault. My partner left me and cut all contact. All of my friends and entire social life is gone. Everything is gone. It doesn't feel real. I can't live like this.

And yet I can't die. I'm a coward. I've tried making myself pass out by putting pressure on my carotid artery so I can make sure I have the right spot for partial hanging, but each time I start to feel lightheaded I panic and stop. I don't know how I'll ever manage to die when I'm this much of a pussy.

The thought of continuing my life after how I ruined it is horrifying. I can't do that. And yet I don't think I'll be allowed to die, either. I can't handle this pain. What the fuck do I even do now?

Can you just start from scratch in another city?

 

[DyingToDie123]

Ruined my life in one day. With one decision. It's all my fault. My partner left me and cut all contact. All of my friends and entire social life is gone. Everything is gone. It doesn't feel real. I can't live like this.

And yet I can't die. I'm a coward. I've tried making myself pass out by putting pressure on my carotid artery so I can make sure I have the right spot for partial hanging, but each time I start to feel lightheaded I panic and stop. I don't know how I'll ever manage to die when I'm this much of a pussy.

The thought of continuing my life after how I ruined it is horrifying. I can't do that. And yet I don't think I'll be allowed to die, either. I can't handle this pain. What the fuck do I even do now?

I hear you, I did the same. It's so so painful. I'm sorry you're going through it.

 

[anhedonya]

If I'm reading correctly, your friends and partner left you for attempting? I'm so sorry. That's very cruel. I don't think you're weak or a pussy, dying is not easy and the human will to live cannot be underestimated. I really don't think this is your fault though. I get that a suicide attempt/those discussions are/is scary for those who have to witness the event in one way or another, but leaving you at your most difficult moment like that- it's not your fault. You didn't deserve that. If anything, now is when you need the most support. That's just awful to do to a person.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Ruined my life in one day. With one decision. It's all my fault. My partner left me and cut all contact. All of my friends and entire social life is gone. Everything is gone. It doesn't feel real. I can't live like this.

And yet I can't die. I'm a coward. I've tried making myself pass out by putting pressure on my carotid artery so I can make sure I have the right spot for partial hanging, but each time I start to feel lightheaded I panic and stop. I don't know how I'll ever manage to die when I'm this much of a pussy.

The thought of continuing my life after how I ruined it is horrifying. I can't do that. And yet I don't think I'll be allowed to die, either. I can't handle this pain. What the fuck do I even do now?

Honestly this is extremely relatable i lashed out on a way that made me lose my best friend and true love months ago and i've only gotten progressively worse since then…like yourself I'm terrified to die because i'm scared of dealing with the pain I'm scared of failure or causing permanent damage to myself…i'm scared so much and idk how to deal with this fear

Just know that i'm here for you ok and i'm happy to talk

If I'm reading correctly, your friends and partner left you for attempting? I'm so sorry. That's very cruel. I don't think you're weak or a pussy, dying is not easy and the human will to live cannot be underestimated. I really don't think this is your fault though. I get that a suicide attempt/those discussions are/is scary for those who have to witness the event in one way or another, but leaving you at your most difficult moment like that- it's not your fault. You didn't deserve that. If anything, now is when you need the most support. That's just awful to do to a person.

If you think about it there is a twisted irony to it,they probably (or i assume) want their friend to die being prolifers yet doing that shit to people abandoning them and making them feel cut off from the world only makes them want to more

I know from personal experience

 

[MarkSmith73]

The more you lose the more resistance you develop. You can almost become numb to things. But I'm 50 years old and been around the block a time or 2.