Sorry to hear that. Hate relapsing because it never feels like you want it to plus there are feelings of guilt and shame that weren't there when you started. I hope you beat this, or, at the very least, that in the future your vices make you happy
That seems like a wise course of action. When using drugs you should be in control, not the other way around. This is the major reason why I've so far refrained from resorting to drugs to combat my depression: addiction and the potential of creating another major problem on top of the pre-existing one.
I have to permanently give those up and never have access. If I do even a little bit once in awhile it ruins the progress of the brain healing. So I probably undid some of the progress my brain has made since the quit. If you have been on stimulant medication for many years it will take a considerable amount of time for the brain to heal. Like over two years or more for some people. After the first year it's suppose to get better but many people are still struggling with adjustment to life even at just 6 months sober.
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