I really wanted to believe recovery was possible.

[k75]

I've been trying hard, taking my meds, doing all the things I'm supposed to. A lot of stuff seemed to be looking up, too. I really thought things might be shifting to a more bearable state.

But now I'm spiraling hard. I have to put my 15 year old cat to sleep, and things are just crumbling apart around me again. I'm not sure how to keep going, and I'm not sure what I expect from this post. I'm just really desperate right now.

 

[woxihuanni]

I don't know what to say, but that I embrace you. I'm so sorry you are losing your cat...

 

[k75]

Thank you. I guess I just needed to vent. My cat's quality of life has plummeted, but I selfishly want to keep her here. It's confusing and feels very bad. I didn't even have much time to prepare, but I feel like I should have.

 

[woxihuanni]

It's natural to feel that way, especially if it came on suddenly. It is a longer relationship than many people have with anyone, too.

 

[Sensei]

Thank you. I guess I just needed to vent. My cat's quality of life has plummeted, but I selfishly want to keep her here. It's confusing and feels very bad. I didn't even have much time to prepare, but I feel like I should have.

I sympathize with you. I'm a grown-up man (well, physically at least) and I almost never cry, perhaps once every ten years. Yet, when my cat fell ill and I thought that it had to be put to sleep, I cried. What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't apologize for being upset. It's very easy to get attached to these little fellows.

 

[mattwitt]

I've been doing recovery type things since April and all I've really been doing is buying more time. I'll never make a full recovery

 

[k75]

I'd really like to stop this depression spiral before it hits too hard. I want to grab a lifeline, but it's kind of hard when one of my main lifelines is lying half-dead in my arms right now.

I don't know what to do. I've been so good lately and some days haven't really had any suicidal thoughts, but right now all I can think about is the bottle of SN I have hidden away.

Any suggestions?

I have an appointment to put her down tomorrow, and I'm scared. I think I'm failing her.

 

[mediocre]

I don't have any suggestions I'm terrible at advice but I'm so sorry you have to put your kitty to sleep. I'm sorry for not being more helpful.

 

[Ratbat]

I've been trying hard, taking my meds, doing all the things I'm supposed to. A lot of stuff seemed to be looking up, too. I really thought things might be shifting to a more bearable state.

But now I'm spiraling hard. I have to put my 15 year old cat to sleep, and things are just crumbling apart around me again. I'm not sure how to keep going, and I'm not sure what I expect from this post. I'm just really desperate right now.

Same sorry bput ur cat wish it was me to be fair

 

[Hydrokhoos]

I had to leave my cat with my SO while I spend some time away from home for a couple years and it sucks so hard being without her. I can't imagine actually losing her. I'm so sorry for your loss. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to. I know it's hard to think about now, and there's nothing in this world that can replace a pet, but there are always other animals out there that might still need you around to rescue them, whenever you're ready to take that step.

 

[Mysterymeat]

I've been trying hard, taking my meds, doing all the things I'm supposed to. A lot of stuff seemed to be looking up, too. I really thought things might be shifting to a more bearable state.

But now I'm spiraling hard. I have to put my 15 year old cat to sleep, and things are just crumbling apart around me again. I'm not sure how to keep going, and I'm not sure what I expect from this post. I'm just really desperate right now.

I feel for you. I was discharged from a psych hospital a few days ago and have been taking all my meds. I came home to see how sick my 15 year old dog is and that his time is likely coming. I lost my cat back in May and my best friend in October. I'm completely dependent on others to live and they have no understanding of me. I'm desperate for either the will to live again or the courage to CTB.
All I can offer is to ask that you give it time. You can CTB anytime so holding on won't deprive you of anything. That's what I'm doing. I won't allow myself to think past "I don't want to live". So I'm not making any plans or writing goodbye letters.
Take it minute by minute. Cry, scream, express your emotions.
Message me of you want to talk. I really feel for you and your cat. Losing a pet is truly like losing a family member. Don't let anyone make you feel like it's not.

 

[RestingGirl23]

So sorry for your cat. It's always hard losing your pet especially after spending years with them they really do become family. Unfortunately, I don't have much advice to give you. I've always had a hard time after losing my dogs. All I can is express your emotions and try do some self care.

 

[angele]

I'm so sorry you have to live through seeing a loved one die.... I failed every attempt at trying to recover so I can imagine how you must feel. However...
You are NOT failing your fur baby. The fact that you feel the way that you do tells me you've given your kitty a very happy, long life.

 

[ValideSultana]

I've been trying hard, taking my meds, doing all the things I'm supposed to. A lot of stuff seemed to be looking up, too. I really thought things might be shifting to a more bearable state.

But now I'm spiraling hard. I have to put my 15 year old cat to sleep, and things are just crumbling apart around me again. I'm not sure how to keep going, and I'm not sure what I expect from this post. I'm just really desperate right now.

Totally understand. Even about losing your cat, and I'm so sorry, I know how much it hurts. I lost my first cat, and it broke my heart. I also understand the sense that things start to look better, but then you're pulled back into the black place. It's like mental tar. You're stuck in this vast vat of tar, you can't see the sides, you can't feel the bottom, you look up and you can't see any light, you're just treading water (well, tar) and you feel it sucking you in. It clings to you, making you sluggish, exhausted and out of hope to get out of it.
I'm here for you if you need to talk. Huge hug to you.

 

[k75]

Thank you so much, everyone. It's been a day since I lost her, and it was so much harder than I had even expected. I'm trying to fight my urges, and all the support definitely helps.

Other people don't understand this loss carries an extra level of hurt and fear... Sometimes she was the only thing standing between me and ctb. Like, I can't hurt myself because I have this precious little creature who needs me for everything. But now she doesn't anymore. So my mind keeps jumping to: Cat's not an issue anymore, I'm free to do whatever I think I want! Plus, there's the guilt, like I know she was terribly sick, but i didn't save her. I killed her.

It's just hard.

 

[RestingGirl23]

Op, I can see the amount of love you've had for your cat by the way you talk about her. There's nothing you could of done to prevent her from getting sick. It is justifiable that you wanted her to be with you a little longer. Unfortunately, all pet owners know that there comes a time where we have to let go. The fact that you took care of your cat for 15 years says a lot. A lot of people don't understand the responsibility of owning a pet and end up abandoning them or neglecting them. But you gave a good quality of life to your baby. She will remember that from you, you were her whole life and she is happy for that. Be happy for the times you had and that you gave her a good quality of life all these years.

 

[Santiago]

Been there. It's rough.

Especially the feeling of the empty house. My buddy wasn't there anymore to greet me.

 

[jgm63]

You did the very best you could.
She has gone to cat heaven.
As humans it can be hard for us since we depend on our sensory experience, and she's no longer present in her sensory form.
But really she lives inside of you now.
Your love of her IS her in truth, so she hasn't really gone anywhere.....