Venting i really want to feel safe

[snowman626]

Im constantly living in fear and my mind is constantly creating worst case scenarios. Parents dying or getting sick, car accidents, random violent crime, being made fun of by random people in public, phone battery exploding in my face, etc. It takes me hours to fall asleep everynight because my mind keeps racing with these thoughts.

There is so much danger out there. News will tell you all about the pond scums that exists just around the corner. Just the other day as I was walking home some random crackhead just came up and tried to put his cigarette out on me and I had to physically fend him off. What if that happened to my elderly parents? Or sister?

Every now and then I hear or see some random drunk idiot yelling and cursing at the top of his lungs on the street where i live. So now I cant even walk outside without worrying about bumping into this sort of stuff. These lunatics are everywhere and I dont feel safe even in my own home. Sometimes id be really relaxed and feeling good and out of nowhere some random idiot would yell "FUCK all, cock sucking shit" so loud right outside my house I can hear it clearly from my bedroom and cause my heart to race.

I just want to go back to being a baby in my mothers arms in a peaceful and non violent world where I can play and have cheerful thoughts again like i used to.

When i ctb my ultimate desire is to end up in an afterlife where im given healing by angels and other kind beings. Ill be in a 100% safe place where no negativity can exist and i can finally feel 100% safe and free. I can finally let go of all this fear and worrying.

 

[CozyTime]

I have OCD and can relate to a lot of the things you wrote, my mind fills my brain with tons of these sort of intrusive thoughts and I have lost a lot of sleep due to them. They don't impact me as much anymore to due to that I've stopped caring about my own health and started just "accepting" the thoughts when they come mentally preparing for the thoughts coming true.

Its hell and limits ones life a lot, with me not caring as much I've noticed I have gone out a lot more than I used to do but I think I'm only able to do so due to living in a place with an extremely small amount of crimes, no homeless people, no gangs, nothing just a small town.

I hope the thoughts are able to calm down for you at some point since I know exactly just how fucking hard they can be.

 

[Thisisme373]

I can totally relate, I have extreme anxiety/paranoia/depression. It takes me like 2-3 hours to get to sleep at night as my mind won't stop, I also always think of the worst possible scenario in everything, I'm always living in constant fear.
I also wish I could go back to being a kid, everything was so much better.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I wish I had some advice, but I struggle with thoughts like this too. Have you tried medication?

 

[Donewith_]

Im constantly living in fear and my mind is constantly creating worst case scenarios. Parents dying or getting sick, car accidents, random violent crime, being made fun of by random people in public, phone battery exploding in my face, etc. It takes me hours to fall asleep everynight because my mind keeps racing with these thoughts.

There is so much danger out there. News will tell you all about the pond scums that exists just around the corner. Just the other day as I was walking home some random crackhead just came up and tried to put his cigarette out on me and I had to physically fend him off. What if that happened to my elderly parents? Or sister?

Every now and then I hear or see some random drunk idiot yelling and cursing at the top of his lungs on the street where i live. So now I cant even walk outside without worrying about bumping into this sort of stuff. These lunatics are everywhere and I dont feel safe even in my own home. Sometimes id be really relaxed and feeling good and out of nowhere some random idiot would yell "FUCK all, cock sucking shit" so loud right outside my house I can hear it clearly from my bedroom and cause my heart to race.

I just want to go back to being a baby in my mothers arms in a peaceful and non violent world where I can play and have cheerful thoughts again like i used to.

When i ctb my ultimate desire is to end up in an afterlife where im given healing by angels and other kind beings. Ill be in a 100% safe place where no negativity can exist and i can finally feel 100% safe and free. I can finally let go of all this fear and worrying.

sorry that you are suffering this way.. I have been there. i never felt safe even in my own home, may be that's something to do with me or i don't know. You have OCD? and have you taken any kind of treatment for this?

 

[snowman626]

Ive never been to a doctor or have any medications or treatments. Im trying to watch more youtube videos on positive thinking though. It helps for a short whilee. But even some tiny little thing triggers it again.. seeing a disturbing news story, seeing someone yell rude comments in public, seeing aggressive drivers, or even hearing people talk with an aggressive voice. I try to stay at home as much as possible.

 

[Donewith_]

Ive never been to a doctor or have any medications or treatments. Im trying to watch more youtube videos on positive thinking though. It helps for a short whilee. But even some tiny little thing triggers it again.. seeing a disturbing news story, seeing someone yell rude comments in public, seeing aggressive drivers, or even hearing people talk with an aggressive voice. I try to stay at home as much as possible.

sorry to hear that.. so many things trigger me too.. its just that my mind is too messed up.. i try not to react at that time..
good to know those motivational thoughts help you.. they work for some people