I really thought that I was going to die last night

[smile418]

Hi,

I really thought that I was going to die last night but I didn't. Over the entire day it felt so right to cbt, I had everything set up and tried out but in the end I didn't (even) attempt it. I decided to at least help one person before ending this petty existence.

Anyways, you might have noticed that I am new here. I arrived here to solidify my first plans but was surprised by this most amazing group of people. This forum delighted me every time I came here and I want to thank you for that. For however longer I make it I want to be part of this community. I would be honored if you accept me.

What is your reason for not cbting (yet)?

 

[mesohappy]

Welcome to the forum,glad you are here.

You say you are going to help one person before you ctb.Is that someone that you know? Or just some random person that you may come across?Anyway that is a noble reason to stick around.

My reason for not going yet is to make one last attempt to salvage what is left of my life.But I seem to be getting blocked at every turn.Feeling more and more like it is too late for me.I have a huge fight ahead and my body is not up to it and my heart is not really in it.

 

[Soul]

Hello — I'm sorry about whatever has led you to contemplate suicide, but welcome to the forum.

I'm still here because my illness still lets me enjoy some things. When it goes too far I'll be out of here.

 

[TheSuicidalEccentric]

I'm still here because I am trying to get one or more people to run away with and go on an off-the-grid life-changing adventure. If it doesn't happen soon, I kill myself. I am already very well-practiced and well-educated in the concepts of partial suspension hanging.

 

[enjoy]

i'm still here because i want to go back to my dream school next semester, buy a car and drive around with my friends in it, and see the cure live in concert.

i also want to defeat at least some aspects of my mental illness and prove my ex wrong for telling me i'd always be a horrible person (i have bpd).

i'm only 18, so i have a lot of hope. not sure if it's naivety or not. i think it's because i know that i'm too young to give up yet. but if i hit 30 and everything still sucks, i'm outta here. that gives me a little over a decade. a lot can happen in that time period. we'll see.

welcome to the forum, by the way.

 

[smile418]

You say you are going to help one person before you ctb.Is that someone that you know? Or just some random person that you may come across?Anyway that is a noble reason to stick around.

It could be anyone. My reasoning behind it is that if I achieve it, my life will not have been a complete waste and if you would ignore all the negatives I've done the positive would at least be existent. I see of course how flawed this reasoning actually is.

i'm only 18, so i have a lot of hope. not sure if it's naivety or not. i think it's because i know that i'm too young to give up yet. but if i hit 30 and everything still sucks, i'm outta here. that gives me a little over a decade. a lot can happen in that time period. we'll see.

I was actually in a very similar position for the last years. I am 21 now and last week I have started my first job. Before that I wanted to cbt but I also thought it was too soon and things could get better with this life change. But they didn't.
I really hope though that you make it to your goal of 30 years. I wish I had the same patience but to me it seems like an awfully long time of pain.

 

[mesohappy]

Could you send me 100 bucks to pay my water and sanitation before I get shut off? No,I can understand your thinking on that..Earlier today I was tempted to do something bad that I would have most likely gotten away with, but aborted because I thought Im already messing up my karma or whatever by thinking about/planning ctb.

 

[smile418]

Could you send me 100 bucks to pay my water and sanitation before I get shut off? No,I can understand your thinking on that..Earlier today I was tempted to do something bad that I would have most likely gotten away with, but aborted because I thought Im already messing up my karma or whatever by thinking about/planning ctb.

If you're serious you can pm me. Either way I hope you're situation gets better.

 

[HadEnough1974]

I'm still here because I am trying to get one or more people to run away with and go on an off-the-grid life-changing adventure. If it doesn't happen soon, I kill myself. I am already very well-practiced and well-educated in the concepts of partial suspension hanging.

Pick me pick me!! I wanna run away. Where are we going?

I was thinking of ctb in 2016, but I put it off because I wanted to see who would win, Trump or Hillary.

Now I'm putting off ctb again because I want to see if Trump will be re-elected or not.

Pathetic, I know. ;)

 

[TheSuicidalEccentric]

Pick me pick me!! I wanna run away. Where are we going?

I was thinking of ctb in 2016, but I put it off because I wanted to see who would win, Trump or Hillary.

Now I'm putting off ctb again because I want to see if Trump will be re-elected or not.

Pathetic, I know. ;)

Do you actually, genuinely want to run? And I am from Canada btw

 

[HadEnough1974]

Do you actually, genuinely want to run? And I am from Canada btw

Well I don't know about physically running but the idea of running away is quite appealing. Pm me

 

[mesohappy]

If you're serious you can pm me. Either way I hope you're situation gets better.

Ill pm you...Think you need to post a few more messages before your able to pm though.Think its 5 messages and 24 hours or something like that.

 

[Sensei]

I'm still here because there's still a chance that things will get better. I estimate that the odds are 1:5 at best.