TheExpression
Member
- Mar 11, 2022
- 17
Fan-fucking-tastic. My mom just got home with the police again after she fucking disappeared for the night (AGAIN). And from what i could hear, it has something to do with that alcoholic piece of trash she associates with (A-G-A-I-N).
Some fucking lowlife she met in some recovery clinic who guided her home once before when she was too fucking wasted (again). I thought: "He helped her get home, he can't be bad, right?" Oh, boy.
Him refusing to leave and living rent-free while doing nothing but drink expensive beer after expensive fucking beer (which my mom had to pay for), while spitting on the floor occasionally should've been a warning sign. The sudden sight of broken drawers, broken door knobs, dents in our new refrigerator,.... shoudl've been even bigger warning signs.
Let's just say that there's a reason (one amongst many tbf) why i lock my chamber door now the moment i'm home. A reason why I can't leave my room without grabbing my baseball bat. A reason why any sudden fucking noise, or voice i don't immediately recognize, coming from within my home or nearby has me get sick with anxiety and fear instantly.
This fucking lowlife is completely incapable of any sort of self-reflection. He kicked in our back door, shouted obscenities at me, constantly insulted my mom every night, constantly threatened her and beat her, and he also dragged her along when he went out to buy drugs (with her fucking money btw); and he somehow still blames everyone around him. He blames ME, for not being allowed into our house anymore. WTF
After many times of calling the cops and getting talked down to by them, he was finally out the house. Oh wait, no. Sort of.
My mom continues to associate herself with him. He still occasionally bullies his way into our house and i believe a part of my mom's ongoing alcoholism is still due to his influence.
Yesterday she went out with our new puppy. Today, she got escorted back by the police without any of her important belongings (such as a phone) on her OR the puppy. I don't know the specifics, but from what i could overhear I know that lowlife is at fault.
This fucking cycle. Every fucking time i try to improve my conditions, shit like this tosses me right back.
I try, i really try so hard to get better. I really do. But it's as if the universe doesn't want me to. Am i being punished for something? Why do i have to go through this while people like that lowlife or my father can comfortably sleep at night while blaming and abusing everyone around them?
All this shit just amplifies my already pre-existing misery due to a complete lack of access to necessary mental health medication since it's so hard to get a hold of a new psychiatrist. I can't even get ahold of the medication I was already taking since I need a prescription for every new box.
Why do I keep changing my mind when i'm about to end this shit??????? I was going to do it. Finally going to do it. But this guy i know just had to call me up to get have a drink. Every fucking time i talk with people i like, it just pushes this longing for death out of me.
I don't have the necessary mental strength to want to keep living. But i'm also too weak to take my own life. So I'm stuck in this awful fucking limbo that refuses to end.
Some fucking lowlife she met in some recovery clinic who guided her home once before when she was too fucking wasted (again). I thought: "He helped her get home, he can't be bad, right?" Oh, boy.
Him refusing to leave and living rent-free while doing nothing but drink expensive beer after expensive fucking beer (which my mom had to pay for), while spitting on the floor occasionally should've been a warning sign. The sudden sight of broken drawers, broken door knobs, dents in our new refrigerator,.... shoudl've been even bigger warning signs.
Let's just say that there's a reason (one amongst many tbf) why i lock my chamber door now the moment i'm home. A reason why I can't leave my room without grabbing my baseball bat. A reason why any sudden fucking noise, or voice i don't immediately recognize, coming from within my home or nearby has me get sick with anxiety and fear instantly.
This fucking lowlife is completely incapable of any sort of self-reflection. He kicked in our back door, shouted obscenities at me, constantly insulted my mom every night, constantly threatened her and beat her, and he also dragged her along when he went out to buy drugs (with her fucking money btw); and he somehow still blames everyone around him. He blames ME, for not being allowed into our house anymore. WTF
After many times of calling the cops and getting talked down to by them, he was finally out the house. Oh wait, no. Sort of.
My mom continues to associate herself with him. He still occasionally bullies his way into our house and i believe a part of my mom's ongoing alcoholism is still due to his influence.
Yesterday she went out with our new puppy. Today, she got escorted back by the police without any of her important belongings (such as a phone) on her OR the puppy. I don't know the specifics, but from what i could overhear I know that lowlife is at fault.
This fucking cycle. Every fucking time i try to improve my conditions, shit like this tosses me right back.
I try, i really try so hard to get better. I really do. But it's as if the universe doesn't want me to. Am i being punished for something? Why do i have to go through this while people like that lowlife or my father can comfortably sleep at night while blaming and abusing everyone around them?
All this shit just amplifies my already pre-existing misery due to a complete lack of access to necessary mental health medication since it's so hard to get a hold of a new psychiatrist. I can't even get ahold of the medication I was already taking since I need a prescription for every new box.
Why do I keep changing my mind when i'm about to end this shit??????? I was going to do it. Finally going to do it. But this guy i know just had to call me up to get have a drink. Every fucking time i talk with people i like, it just pushes this longing for death out of me.
I don't have the necessary mental strength to want to keep living. But i'm also too weak to take my own life. So I'm stuck in this awful fucking limbo that refuses to end.
