I really don't know if I should CTB. I keep holding onto the idea that things will improve but I have been losing a lot.

[InsatiableEmptiness]

It's just so empty all the time and I want life to get better but it's only getting more difficult and i use to be really good at hiding it. Now I am often just barely keeping it together it's like waiting for a collapse of willpower.

Also fuck people in my life that have made me feel wanted one day then disappear forever.

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound really tiring what you are going through, it's true that you cannot rely on other people in this cruel world. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Unending]

I think I know exactly what you mean by "collapse of willpower". It's hard when you try and try and try, yet still find yourself slowly loosing the ability to willpower through the pain, or worse, just snapping one day and coming undone all at once. I've been through a lot of that kind of thing so I empathize with you for sure and am really sorry you're suffering.

 

[neverthefirstoption]

It's just so empty all the time and I want life to get better but it's only getting more difficult and i use to be really good at hiding it. Now I am often just barely keeping it together it's like waiting for a collapse of willpower.

Also fuck people in my life that have made me feel wanted one day then disappear forever.

That hit on a whole other level...I've been in therapy for years but I've never been able to just stop caring about those who come and go, even if it's such a natural part of life. I do hope that things get better, and you meet people that help fill that void others have created. Nonetheless, I wish you luck in whatever path you may take. If you ever need to talk about anything, I'm always open for discussion.

 

[SantasHelper]

I know exactly how you feel, down to the T. I hope you find a peaceful solution soon, regardless of what you choose

 

[MrBrownUpsideD]

There's no need to rush. CTB is quite literally the last decision you'll ever make. You'll know when you're ready.

 

[leavingsoon99]

I can kind of relate. I mean, it seems like that's what I was waiting on... a collapse of willpower. I won't profess to you what you should do, because only you know your situation. I will say that if you're having doubts, then you should probably get more clarity with yourself before making any further decisions. I feel you on everything being empty. To me, life has just lost all of its color. There's nothing that can make me look at the future with any kind of hope. It all seems so hollow and empty. People are so surface that I'd just rather not deal with them. I wish you luck on your journey. I know how difficult it can be to hold out hope for life.

You may also want to go over to the "Recovery" part of the site. You may be able to get some helpful words on how to strengthen your hope. I wish you the best.

 

[jigsaw_falling]

i feel so similarly to you. i feel so drained and exhausted of living, things aren't getting better, but they might. a part of me feels like i have a lot to discover, and grow, to experience life fully and be happy.
that's what's keeping me alive right now, and i'm waiting for when ill either pull through or i'll have that complete 'collapse of willpower'.
as others have said, ctb is the last decision you'll ever make, so if you have hope that's keeping you here, don't let go of it. life is long and things can change, (for me i'm just hoping they will before i become reach my limit.)
wishing you the best <3